Jason returns his focus to the road, but I can't stop watching him. There's a quiet contentment in the way he drives now, like a weight has settled—even if the sadness still lingers deep in his eyes. That flicker of grief when he talks about Sel, the girl he couldn't save, it stabs right through me. I don't know the whole story, but I feel the depth of his loss. It's raw and real, and I want to do everything I can to lift him out of that darkness, to see that smile I've been hoping for.
When we get home, I drop onto the couch, and Jason says he's going to shower. I wonder if he's trying to dodge the heaviness between us. I flick on Netflix, Stranger Things—my go-to distraction.
Almost two episodes in, Jason storms back in, wet hair tousled, shirtless, in black joggers that show off his sharp V-line and six-pack. My eyes drift over the tattoos I hadn't noticed before, settling on a small, faded initial near his chest—"Sel." My heart thuds unevenly, confused and aching all at once.
He notices me staring. "Badge over, Marie," he jokes quietly.
My stomach flips with the closeness as I scoot over on the couch. Jason hesitates a moment, then drops down beside me. His scent—fresh citrus mixed with musk—wraps around me like a promise.
"What're you watching?" he asks.
God, please don't let this turn into something more right now.
"Your classes start tomorrow. Ready?"
I nod, voice barely a whisper.
"I'll be back." He stands abruptly and heads out the door.
I finish the season, still waiting for him. When he doesn't come back, I retreat to my room, shower, slip into my pajama shorts and a spaghetti strap top that clings just right. I feel a weird flutter—he probably won't join me tonight, and honestly, I don't even know why I care so much.
Getting ready for bed, my thoughts jump ahead to tomorrow—new classes, new people. Excitement tinged with nerves.
Then there's a soft knock. "Don't come in!" I call out.
The door creaks open, and it's Kate. She looks me up and down like she's shocked.
"What?" I snap, holding up my hand.
Kate's voice is urgent. "Jason's wasted. Refusing to move. I tried calling you—didn't have your number."
Before I can process, I'm on my feet, following her.
We head to a club downtown, lights flashing, music pounding, bodies moving in wild rhythm. The air is thick, almost choking, and I feel out of place but desperate to find him.
Kate surprises me by kissing a red-haired girl. I shove down the weird feeling and ask around for Jason. The redhead says he vanished.
I push through the sweaty crowd alone until I hear Jason's slurred voice: "Back off!" People part as he stumbles up, clutching a tequila bottle.
"Sel!" he slurs, draping an arm around my neck. "I can't believe you're here… I missed you. Flesh and bone."
Hearing that name again stings like a fresh cut. He knows nothing about me—doesn't recognize me standing right here.
"Let's get you home," I say, trying to steady him.
He stops me, a sly grin spreading. "Marie, is that you?"
"Yeah. Let's go."
"Only if you sleep with me tonight," he jokes drunkenly. I roll my eyes.
Back at the apartment, Kate leaves us. I don't understand why she's not staying with him, but after tonight, I have my suspicions.
Jason slurs, "Did I wake you?"
"No, I was awake," I say, biting back irritation.
His gaze flickers, like he's seeing a ghost.
"Do we have a problem?" I ask.
"I—uhm…" He stammers.
"Let's get you to bed."
I crawl under the duvet, heart still pounding.
"Can we talk until I fall asleep?" he whispers.
"I want to sleep, Jason."
"Don't be like that," he pleads, touching my hip, pulling me close. My breath catches.
"Oh God," I think. "What's happening to me?"
He pulls back, eyes filled with sudden regret. "Sorry…"
I say nothing, craving his touch more than I want to admit. I turn to face him, inching closer. Our faces are inches apart. His warm breath brushes my skin.
He looks into my eyes, then jerks away, stumbling out the door.
I feel hollow and hurt.
My eyelids close. Sleep pulls me under, but the nightmare drags me back—helpless and frozen in a burning room, the cries of a girl named Sel echoing in my ears.
I'm trapped, desperate to help, but my body won't move.
"Jason, please help me!" her voice calls.
Tears stream down my face. My heart races in the darkness.
"Wake up, Marie," Jason's voice breaks through. I snap open my eyes, gasping for breath.
He's there, stroking my hair gently.
"You're safe now," he murmurs.
I cling to his presence, praying this nightmare won't ever come back.
I'm trembling under the covers, my breath still ragged from the nightmare that swallowed me whole. Jason's hand is warm against my hair, steadying me, grounding me in the here and now. The way he looks at me—soft, concerned—it's almost enough to calm the storm inside me.
"I'm okay," I whisper, but the truth tastes bitter. How can I be okay when the fire still haunts me, when I'm terrified that I'll never be free of Sel's ghost?
He doesn't let go. "You're safe, Marie. I'm here."
His words are a balm I didn't know I needed. I want to believe him. I want to believe that maybe, just maybe, I'm not alone in this fight.
We lie there, the silence stretching between us but somehow not empty. It's filled with everything we haven't said—the pain, the longing, the confusion.
I finally break it. "Why do you keep bringing her up? Sel, I mean. It hurts."
Jason's eyes flicker with something I haven't seen before—vulnerability. "Because she was everything to me, and I couldn't save her. I don't want to forget her, but sometimes... it feels like she's still right here, and I'm failing all over again."
His honesty stings, but it also pulls me closer. "Maybe you don't have to do it alone."
He looks at me, searching. "You'd want to be part of that?"
I nod. "I don't know how to help you yet, but I want to try."
Jason's hand finds mine again, squeezing gently. "Then we'll figure it out. Together."
For the first time since I met him, I see a flicker of hope in his eyes. And maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to feel it too.