Richard is still surprised with what Ashly has said. "Listen Ashly, I have never seen someone react this way so I don't know what to tell you. All I can say is that you shouldn't hate yourself because of that. You were a child so you didn't understand the situation you were."
"What do you mean I shouldn't hate myself? I forgot my whole family. For years I didn't know their names or bothered to try to remember them." Ashly says to Richard but her voice doesn't seem sad, or angry in the slightest."I want to hate myself but I just can't. I don't know why but the hate I have just disappears or doesn't even come up. My mind all of the sudden won't let me feel anything right now."
"The pain, the injuries that I received a while ago. It's gone, it's not like I healed completely as I was still able to feel it. Now I have just forgotten about it for a moment, I got shot in the stomach but I feel like I never did." Ashly says as she touches the area that she got shot at. "This is worrying, this is not normal."
"Listen Ashly, I can't really help you out with this but check out the bright side. It's great that can remember your family after all these years, that's really good. Sure it was terrible what happened, but can you attempt to remember a good memory. Like a time were your mother sang you a lullaby to put you to sleep." Richard pats her, why is she so much different now than before. If she really is the same person that he first meet not so long ago?
"No not really, most just look so similar to each other. I guess I didn't have much fun, I only had one friend so it makes sense. Even as a child my life seemed a bit sad, I guess I grew up poor." Ashly then rubs her forehead. "I just need to rest for a bit, I feel tired again. I want to get back to laying down on a bed, to think a doll would make me remember something like this. This is a joke and I don't want to take part of it."
"Well you said that the doll started all of this, so I believe it's most logical to think to grab it again. Maybe it will make you remember faster, that's my guess at least:" Richard said "I might be wrong but at least try it, it wouldn't hurt to try it out."
Ashly stands up and begins to walk with Richard. Every footstep Ashly takes, it makes her feel worse. "I want to feel angry at myself, I really do." She says while she clenches her fist. "I want to feel angry for other reasons aswell, such as the ones who took me. The old man who I was raised to believe was a good man amongst others. Well, he took me away from my family, but he didn't tell me anything."
They continue to walk, the pathway seems to be getting longer and longer. "I worked my ass off for them every day, holding onto what I could to survive. Now that I remember it's their fault, they took me and they didn't bother to help me at all." Ashly says, "I should of died back there with my family."
"What did you just say?" Richard asked her, he thinks he might have misheard her. "You didn't just say you wanted to die right? That's a terrible mindset."
"No it's not, compared to what I faced up to now. I think I would of been lucky to have been killed, if I died then I wouldn't have struggled. I wouldn't have to starve, to kill people, I wouldn't have hurt Lucas." Ashly says as she looks ahead. "I was only left to live because I resembled the old man's dead daughter, he was crazy aswell."
"Hey Richard?" Ashly asked which he answered. "Do you think I should of died back there aswell with my family? To not have caused all of this, and let people be happier."
"What nonsense, sure you aren't a great person, and if you were to ask the everyday person they would of said the same. I just cant think of you as anything better, I believe you should ask Lucas this question. Apologize ones that day comes, and be serious about it." Richard says to Ashly without a hint of annoyance. "Oh yeah, I forgot that you two are in terrible terms. Maybe he would say something he might regret now than before."
"You know I helped you only because of what my father would of done. He was a good man, he would help out everyone without hesitation. He taught me to help those that want to be helped, when you were a bit serious about this I couldn't ignore it. My father would have helped you even if he knew what you did, he believes in forgiveness and redemption." Richard says to Ashly while he pulls out a small piece of paper.
"I am not a good person either, well not entirely." This catches Ashly's attention "I am selfish, most of what I did after he died was for my own gain. I just coped with helping others as it reminded me of my father and nothing else. Even now, I only helped you because it made me remember him."
"Yeah compared to many guys I knew, you calling yourself selfish is stupid. There are men who hit on me, and even tried to do something. I never told Lucas because I didn't want him to get on my business, and he would overreact." Ashly says as she looks at Richard. "Honestly I would of enjoyed being around not so good people like you than with those jerks."
"Well I need to tell you something else. It's that I find you attractive, and before you say anything, this wasn't another reason to help you. I'm just telling you this now as it's weird to me, to think someone like you would do such things." Richard says.
Ashly looks away. "Don't worry, I can understand what you're saying. Most men always tell me about how I look and nothing else. I never dated anyone before, and I doubt I would anytime soon. I'm to fucked in the head to keep a relationship alive, you just saw what I did with a person who cares for me."
Ashly feels a bit ashamed, no is it really shame that she is feeling at this moment. Has she ever felt ashame before, to think there is a bunch of emotions she hasn't experienced or remembered is astonishing to her. "I don't think I'm ready to speak to him when the day comes. I can't face him after realizing the many things I did. I understand why he would abandon me and I think he should." She says.
"Listen, I know what I said earlier about how you should of died. That was a bit extreme from my part, and honestly I wasn't entirely telling the truth." He says. "I do like the fact that you actually sort of tried. You did read and write, you tried to observe. You listened to me when you clearly didn't have to. You decided by yourself to attempt to learn."
"Listen to me Ashly, your feeling regret. That's amazing, well for your situation of course. For other people this would be terrible but for you, you're feeling empty towards Lucas. You are thinking about his feelings, thinking about what you did wrong." He says with a smiles "You're changing, you might not now it but you are."
"You still have time before meeting with Lucas, you can still practice. You should be proud of this, my father would be."
"Yeah, thanks for making me feel less awful than before." Ashly says, "I'll try to do my best, I want to show Lucas that I can and want to change. I want to get his forgiveness, and I want to stop being a terrible person."
Lucas is back inside the inn, he has gathered his things that he has left behind. He is lucky Ashly wasn't back as he would have to see her face-to-face. He is taking deep breaths, his arm is feeling much better but still hurts. Lucas then leaves the inn ready to stay in a different place. He then hears footsteps and turns to see Ashly.
Lucas is looking sad at the fact that he is seeing Ashly again before the designated time. "Oh hey, I was just getting some things, I'm leaving immediately." He says with an embarrassed face.
"I'll give you two some time alright." Richard whispered into Ashly hears once he leaned to her. Ashly turns to Richard and nods, Richard then backs away giving them some space to speak with each other. He hopes that Ashly would be honest to this time, she still has time before her answer. All she has to say is an apology, then wait to answer him.
"Lucas wait, I need to tell you something quickly." Ashly says as Lucas was already leaving, he stops in his tracks and turns to her. "I know that we had a troublesome argument, I understand where you came from when you said this."
"You sure do look terrible." Lucas says as he looks at her face, she seems tired. Almost as if she hasn't slept at all since their last encounter. "Well, I can't be talking, I myself look ugly."
"Listen Lucas, I don't feel so good. I feel different and I don't know what to do. I'm lost and I want to speak with you." Ashly says looking away from his eyes, "I pushed you away, the only person who ever wanted to help me out. That's really fucked, up and I shouldn't have done that. I am sorry for treating you like trash, and I don't know if it's too late to change that."
Lucas seems surprised by what Ashly is saying, did this one man change her? How's that possible, the Quill Makers tried and they weren't bad people. They gave her time and didn't push her outside her boundaries, how is he different.
"I feel bad that I manipulated you all this time Lucas. I know it's too late to say this, I know you're thinking about how I should of realized this earlier." Ashly says while she lowered her head a bit more. "I was being very stupid, and I was full of anger. Everything I did up till this moment was because of frustration."
"This world is full of things that I could control, that made me angry. I shouldn't have thrown it all towards you Lucas, you shouldn't have suffered because of me." Ashly then takes a deep breath. "I have my answer already Lucas, don't worry because I won't say it now. Like you said, I will have to wait but I just couldn't keep this inside my chest. I hope you understand what I'm saying, I just wanted to say this that's all."
The entire apology was lacking of emotions, Ashly wasn't showing any at all. She was saying it all in a soft and decent tone. It didn't contain the regretfulness or sadness that it should of. Of course Lucas knows she hasn't expressed any other emotions so it's difficult for her. "Yeah, alright then Ashly, I understand what you're saying." Ashly then looks up and Lucas nods at her.