***
"I hate you!".
The words echoed in Tsuyu's ears. She knows Naruto doesn't mean it. That he was just overwhelmed, and didn't know where to put his anger she guessed. For Naruto to say such a thing, perhaps, he's burdened by his growing environment more than she assumed. Maybe that part of Naruto hasn't 'healed', despite the years passing and things getting better.
If she had to make conjectures, Naruto can't accept he is treated differently all this time, that he's living an entirely different life compared to her. While all this time she had the same thing that caused his sufferings - but she's spared from those hate.
Tsuyu can only guess.
Maybe, in Naruto's world, his misfortune is because of the monster inside of him. And he accepted that as his life and a part of himself, and along with his coping mechanism, survival instinct, personality, his positive self to not let those setbacks hold him; and to chase his dream and goal for everyone to acknowledge and accept him. What Naruto experienced shaped his personality and dreams.
But he discovers the very thing that makes Naruto himself - was all a 'lie'. It's just bad luck that people hate him, that people know about it in the first place.
Tsuyu had the fox too, but she had everyone looking up to her. She had many friends to talk to since they were little.
What is the reason then, that Naruto is so different? Why is his life so miserable?
He felt so wronged. That it's so unfair. That it's so… nonsensical. It's like his whole life is a whole joke. But it's not funny. It just hurts…
Naruto stares at the ceiling, still feeling the wound in his heart. He doesn't have much energy to move. Last night, he cried so much his tears dried up.
Sasuke already went to the academy…
Naruto turned to the empty spot next to him. Sasuke left silently and thinks Naruto deserves to skip the day after last night.
*Knock2*.
"Nii-san… I made breakfast. It's on the table".
Tsuyu said through the door.
…
"Can I come in?".
… Nevermind. He needs space.
"Graduation exam in 2 days. Don't forget the date". Tsuyu leaves without any fuss. Skipping today and tomorrow doesn't matter anyways.
…
Naruto felt a pressure in his chest, hearing Tsuyu's voice.
I know she didn't do anything wrong… but it hurts…
It would be a lie to say Naruto didn't regret nor feel guilty saying what he said last night. He doesn't know why he said he hated her. He doesn't… he just felt it's so unfair he hates it, he hates - "it". He doesn't know what and to whom he should be angry at… he can't describe what he hates.
Naruto felt guilt washing over him. Why is his tongue so stupid to say that? He felt like a horrible person inside. Tsu-chan did so much for me…
Even so this deep anger and frustration won't disappear. Where do I put these feelings?
…
Naruto remembers back when he found out he had 9 tails inside of him. He was distressed, he felt so frustrated. He never asked for it to be inside of him. And worse he figured out EVERYONE tried to keep Naruto from knowing what caused them to hate him; even Tsuyu included.
He felt betrayed. Tsuyu knows so much about 9 tails… she could handle the fox so well, and she even knows who put it inside them. Tsuyu knows so much, but…
She kept it all a secret. Just like all the villagers. Naruto wonders how long she had known. It felt like Tsuyu knows from the very beginning...
It's painful, knowing she knew yet intentionally kept him in the dark all along. Villagers are one thing. But she's his family, not anyone else.
Naruto felt a sting in his eyes. He buried his face into the pillow, feeling his heart ache again. It felt like Tsuyu cannot trust him somewhere, or that Tsuyu thought Naruto is too pitiful and miserable she don't dare to tell him. And it sucks to be seen pitiful by their own little sister.
… In Naruto's complex mind, many things come up on the surface as he just lays on bed, thoughts jumbled here and there.
Stupid Lord Fourth. Why are you putting a monster inside babies! Stupid Lord Fourth!
Naruto recalled the revelation and felt really angry. He sat up and punched his pillow over and over. Stupid Lord Fourth! I will paint your rock face later! Naruto clenched his fist, his eyes filled with resentment.
… His punches slowly weakened, his eyes dropped low, feeling of tiredness washing over him again.
Is it because of the fox? That I was so miserable?
Naruto had to face the reality that someone else had an entirely different life even if she had the fox too. She had everything Naruto would want and dreamed of. The fox never stopped her. Heck, she trashed the fox so easily… Naruto witnessed it with his eyes.
What's all this for, what's the reason…
Naruto felt like his suffering was all for nothing; because of nothing. That he felt like the worst loser in Konoha. That his suffering is his own doing somehow.
He recalled the stupid bird in an open cage drawing Tsuyu showed him before in some attempt to 'cheer' him up back when they were little. The bird's head is stuck out in between two bars of iron. It had an expression of sadness - convinced it's trapped and unable to do anything. And yet, the bird can go left or right and get out of it.
In Tsuyu's words, it's a cage of its own making…
Was that really me?
He felt stupid for even feeling so hurt. Yet he can't stop it.
His dream is to be Hokage - but it's just a way to be acknowledged by everyone. He still wants that; truly; but the whole reason he gets rejected in the first place is because of the monster inside of him. But that 'reason' somehow turned into an excuse. For her, that being does not matter for her at all; and she still gets acknowledgements from everyone around her.
It's as if Naruto's entire life goal is based on stupid reasons. Someone else had it all so easily without any of Naruto's emotional turmoil.
Tsuyu can even advise him to treat the fox better, to communicate with him or stuff. She never cared nor felt anything about having the fox inside of her - and Naruto felt like Tsuyu herself never thought deeply that the fox had that much meaning to Naruto.
The 9 tails had no significance to Tsuyu's self. While for Naruto, its existence is a part of something significant, a major reason that makes Naruto - Naruto.
He tried to imagine and ask himself if Tsuyu would feel and care like he did if the villagers knew about her too and treated her like they treated him…
He wanted to get angry at her, and wanted to tell her how if she's in his place - but then his brain stuck at this imagination.
He couldn't imagine it at all. Even if Tsuyu put herself in his shoes - literally - Tsuyu would have walked an entirely different road. Naruto had this belief, knowing what kind of person Tsuyu from the very beginning even when they were little. And this knowledge is like mocking himself.
It wasn't about the fox, nor it's about the villagers that treated him badly. It's about himself being stupid. Being so unlucky it's miserable and even pitiful. He felt so small… like he's just… a pebble at the side of the road.
He holds his chest, trying to fill in the gravity in his chest. It just felt, so tiring. He doesn't want to do anything anymore. Naruto closed his eyes, hugging his pillow to sleep this heaviness away.
***
Sigh.
Tsuyu sighed inwardly. She felt frustrated and even annoyed honestly. She thought she did everything right enough. She even want to say Naruto is being unreasonable; but she understood the fact remains her brother is hurt deeply and that's the first priority to settle as his sister. She knows her priority and responsibility - Naruto's feelings and wellbeing is first, reasonings second.
Even so, she's not a psychiatrist nor a therapist. She might be able to handle most people well - but she learned at times she doesn't. Being pushed off toward the train track by someone she fired definitely taught her a lesson about people that she couldn't handle.
…
Thinking about last night, she recalled when Naruto accused her of lying to him. Omission of information is in fact a way of lying. She admits she's not innocent.
Perhaps, I should have been honest to him.
Tsuyu is considering it, to tell Naruto about everything. That she may need to trust Naruto's judgements. Remembering Naruto's expression when he call out to her lie made her feel guilty somehow. Even though she thought she's not wrong at all. But seeing Naruto in so much pain meant she was wrong somewhere, she failed somewhere as his family.
Maybe, it's only right she tells him, even if the reasons tell her not to.
The reason Lord Fourth sealed the fox inside the two of them. That Lord Fourth is their own father, while Kushina the late jinchuriki is their mother. The reason they had no inheritance whatsoever even if they are the children of two Konoha's heroes that died as martyrs. The need to keep their parentage a secret, the fact that Naruto was supposed to live a normal life much like herself and no one is supposed to know about him being the jinchuriki; and some hands used him for the village unity or to control him.
…
Should I?
Tsuyu is contemplating this. Maybe, telling Naruto everything would give him a better view of himself and the village - and helps him grow. She start to imagine the scenes once Naruto found out about everything. It could go two different ways...
Would he hate Minato for sealing the fox inside him?
Would he hate the idea of 'Hokage' itself because Minato had to do what he did to Naruto to save everyone?
Or would Naruto understand their decisions, think of his parents as heroes of Konoha, see the responsibility of a Hokage and sacrifices required and motivate him in some ways? See the flaws of this world and yet choose to make it better? Or would he gives up entirely?
Her eyebrows frowned - she really couldn't guess what direction this would go trying to go by pattern and logic.
But... her intuition, her feelings knowing Naruto for years tells her to trust Naruto. That he wouldn't go astray. That the Naruto she knew would always get back up, never gives in, and would always find the positive side of things.
Taking a deep breath, she made a decision. Soon, when time is right...
***