"You don't need to feel bad about yourself over a snake," Cohen said, patting Edward's hand to comfort him.
"I'm talking about you dragging me to see a basilisk," Edward replied stiffly. "You *do* know their stare can kill, right?"
"I've already taken care of that problem."
Cohen grinned and brought out his trump card: "Dumbledore helped too."
As Edward stared at him in confusion, Cohen explained how Dumbledore had assisted in making contact lenses for the basilisks to block their deadly gaze.
"What *is* Dumbledore even teaching you at that school?!" Edward said, taking a deep breath.
Seriously, how many years had it been? Had Hogwarts really evolved *this* much?
"If you're really worried, you can wear these glasses too. Double protection," Cohen said, tossing Edward a pair of Dumbledore's specs. "I could take you to meet them now, or we could wait until I'm home for the holidays. Family's gotta meet eventually, right?"
"…"
Edward couldn't find the words.
What Cohen said made sense—sort of—but something still felt *off*.
This family was getting weirder by the minute…
"So, summer break then? Needing some time to process is totally understandable," Cohen said, nodding sympathetically as he watched Edward silently head for the door.
"No," Edward said. "Let's go see them now. I think I've gotten over that…"
"Reproductive isolation?"
"That *creeped-out* feeling—wait, 'reproductive isolation'? Did Dumbledore teach you that too?!"
"Nah, Dumbledore's not *that* weird. The Count taught me that one," Cohen said, throwing someone else under the bus.
Oh no. Cohen might've gone completely off the rails!
---
"Don't pin this on me! Your kid learned all that nonsense on his own—it's got nothing to do with me."
In the Room of Requirement, the Count flat-out refused to take the blame as Edward grilled him. "I even tried teaching him how to catch voles, and he still hasn't figured *that* out!"
"Get ready," Cohen said, opening his suitcase and turning to Edward. "Just don't freak out and attack them when you see them—"
"Them?!"
"Especially the little one."
"The *little* one?!"
Edward's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.
"You didn't pass out, so that means you're already handling it fine," Cohen said, reassured by Edward's reaction. "Come on, you and Sisko are gonna get along great. He's a homebody too, and you both like kids."
"There's no way I'm buddying up with a snake," Edward said firmly.
But as it turns out, the world's one big "told you so."
Cohen led Edward into the suitcase.
Not much had changed since last time. Edward only noticed two new additions: a pigpen for the Pygmy Puffs and that giant Slytherin statue head.
"Sisko's probably in the study right now, flipping through books to pick a name for the little basilisk," Cohen said.
"How many basilisks did you cram in here…" Edward muttered, swallowing hard as he gripped his wand.
"Three, that's it. No more," Cohen promised. "One's the old basilisk from under Hogwarts. It was all alone down there, and Sisko and I didn't think it was right to just leave it in the Chamber. Then there's the little one. It's hard to explain, but I met it right after it was born—pure, clueless, and innocent—so it's got a chance. It won't end up hunted down by wizards."
Cohen led Edward through the living room to the study door. Inside, he could hear Sisko and the old basilisk arguing about whether the little one should be named Sophia or Matilda.
*Creak—*
Cohen pushed the door open, and three snakes turned their heads in unison, locking their gazes on Edward.
The old basilisk and Sisko had to coil up tight to fit in what was, for Cohen, a pretty spacious study. Before he'd walked in, their heads had been hovering over the same book, while the little basilisk was sprawled across the pages, making a mess.
"Food?" the little basilisk asked.
Thankfully, this time it didn't say "food" with that cheerful, confident tone.
"Not food," Cohen, Sisko, and the old basilisk corrected in unison.
"I feel like I just walked into a snake pit…" Edward muttered, unnerved by the creepy hissing as he glanced at Cohen. "You're still my son, right?"
"You're Cohen's human dad, aren't you?!" Sisko said excitedly, slithering toward Edward. "Thanks for taking care of him all this time—"
But obviously, Edward couldn't understand Sisko's hissing. Combined with the snake's enthusiastic charge, it looked like Sisko was about to swallow him whole any second.
"Stop!"
Edward aimed his wand at Sisko, just like he had the first time he'd seen Norbert. In a panic, he yanked Cohen behind him and stumbled back several steps toward the door.
But Sisko didn't care. He stretched his head forward and gave Edward a big, friendly nuzzle. Spells didn't do much to his scales anyway.
"What are you—hold on—stop rubbing—don't open your mouth—don't coil around me—"
Edward's wand flailed uselessly before he finally gave up, letting Sisko nudge and bump him around.
Once Sisko had finished showing his affection, Edward calmed down.
"Grandpa!"
The little basilisk, catching on to Sisko's vibe, called out to Edward.
"What's the little one hissing about now…" Edward said, sounding exhausted as Sisko's tail wrapped around him and plopped him neatly into a chair.
"He's calling you 'Grandpa,'" Cohen translated.
"I didn't think I'd end up a grandfather this soon…" Edward said wearily. "Especially not to a snake…"
"Wait, did I mess that up? Doesn't that make him a generation above me?" Sisko asked Cohen. "I thought we'd be equals!"
"That's not even the point right now. The little guy's always been a mess with family titles," Cohen said, rubbing his forehead. "The real issue is you came on way too strong just now."
"So…" Sisko asked hesitantly, "should I try again?"
Another round and Edward might just collapse—Cohen vetoed that idea fast.
"You guys just don't speak the same language," Cohen said. "It's not like you don't get each other on a human level. Just act like a normal snake and quit with the theatrics."
He'd clearly overestimated an adult's ability to handle this. Cohen and the basilisks needed a gentler approach to build trust between the one human and three snakes. Otherwise, this family meet-and-greet might turn into something like, "So, Edward still hasn't cracked yet?"—a full-on interrogation scene.
"So, uh… you got anything you wanna say to Sisko?" Cohen asked Edward, who was sitting stock-still in the chair.
(End of Chapter)