Ji-an
I didn't say goodbye.
I didn't look back.
I just walked to the bus like I hadn't just kissed the man who had been living rent-free in my head for nearly a year. Like I hadn't just grabbed Logan Carter by the jacket and kissed him with the kind of desperate intensity that I had only seen in movies.
But this had been me. And my actions had been real. Too Real.
And now?
Now I was absolutely, completely and utterly screwed.
Next to me, my friends and bandmates asked questions. I answered—we probably had an entire conversation.
But sitting in the dark of the tour bus, the hum of the road beneath us,
I can't remember a single word I said.
I realized too late that I was panicking.
Full-body, heart-racing, stomach-swooping panicking.
Not because I regretted it.
No. That would've been easier.
I was panicking because it was so good.
Because the second his mouth touched mine, something in me snapped.
And worse?
Something in him answered.
I felt it.
The way his hands moved. The way he pulled me just close enough. The way he kissed me back like he'd been trying not to for days, maybe weeks, maybe months.
Like I wasn't Ji-an of Nova.
Like I was just me.
Just Ji-na.
I swallowed hard, staring out the window as the car pulled away from the venue. The Gorge disappeared behind us in the mirror, the stage lights a glowing blur in the distance.
He didn't chase me.
Not that I thought he would. Not that I wanted him to.
I mean, I did. But also—no. But also—yes, I did.
This was ridiculous.
I was ridiculous.
And the worst part?
I was leaving.
Right now I am on a bus. To another venue. Then a car to a different place. Then a private plane. Seoul, Tokyo, Jakarta, Bangkok. Another leg of the tour. Another set of hotel rooms. Another wave of cameras and interviews and curated, professional, untouchable Ji-an.
And Logan Carter?
He'd still be here.
Back to private security. Back to whatever job came next. Back to a life that didn't have room for girls like me.
He wasn't coming with us.
I hadn't asked him to.
I couldn't.
Because I didn't even know what this was.
A kiss? A thank you? A declaration of love? A disaster?
I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes and leaned back in the seat, breathing deep. I could feel Min-ji watching me. Feel the way Jisoo kept glancing at me in the mirror. Hye-won was practically vibrating.
But for once, no one said anything else.
Maybe because they knew.
Maybe because, for the first time, they saw it.
That I wasn't just being dramatic.
That I wasn't just curious or flirty or letting a crush get the best of me.
That I had feelings for him.
Real ones.
And now I had to leave him behind.
And the stupid, selfish, terrifying truth?
I didn't want to.