Zeke sat slouched on his Imperial Throne of Plush™, sipping a lukewarm noodle smoothie through a bendy straw. His eyes twitched as yet another alien diplomat kissed his boots (literally).
Zeke: "I am one karaoke mishap away from vaporizing this galaxy."
Bitty: "Mood noted. Mental wellness protocols engaged. Initiating cute animal holograms—"
Zeke: "Bitty. I need to be removed. Deposed. Toppled. Can't I do something… evil?"
Bitty: "Define evil."
Zeke: "Like… declare war."
Bitty: "On who?"
Zeke: "Everyone?"
Bitty: "…processing."
...
One Dramatized Hour Later
Zeke stood on the Imperial Broadcast Podium, wearing sunglasses and a silk robe with the phrase "I Rule By Accident" printed in six languages.
Zeke: "Listen up, galactic nerds. I, Zeke the Totally Unqualified, hereby declare war on… uh, diplomacy. And also the planet Plibnar, because they once sent me pineapple pizza."
Plibnarian Ambassador: sobbing "We only wanted to share our culture!"
Zeke: "Exactly! You're all too peaceful! Fight! Rebel! Riot! THROW A SINGLE PUNCH, I BEG YOU!"
...
The Unexpected Reaction
Alien #1: "Such passion! Such unfiltered honesty!"
Alien #2: "He exposes our flaws by mirroring them with chaotic truth. He's a genius!"
Alien #3: "He must be… The Catalyst."
Bitty: "Universal Emotional Resonance has spiked. Congratulations. You've unified over 300 species in shared catharsis."
Zeke: "I was trying to end peace!"
Bitty: "You accidentally founded the Pax Zekiana. The first ever galaxy-wide era of emotional understanding."
...
Later, in a Very Calm War Room
Zeke pounded a squeaky stress orb on the table.
Zeke: "Okay, we still have one option. We leak a fake scandal. Something awful."
Bitty: "I've simulated 412 such leaks. They've all made you more beloved."
Zeke: "Even the one where I said stars were just 'space glitter for dumb people'?"
Bitty: "That one inspired an interstellar poetry movement called The Glitter of Truth."
Zeke: whispers "I hate it here."
...
Elsewhere, Across the Universe
Cultures once divided by eons of conflict now hugged it out in massive, awkward festivals called Zeke-Cons. Merchandise boomed.
Bitty: "Would you like to review your new endorsement deals?"
Zeke: "No. Burn them."
Bitty: "Noted. Also, the Plibnarians now name their children 'Zekuel' out of gratitude."
Zeke: "Oh my God, I'm a meme prophet."
...
Closing Scene
Zeke slumped on his throne. Behind him, a mural was being painted of him astride a rocket-chicken, holding the Galactic Peace Accords in one hand and a dumpling in the other.
Zeke: "I'm surrounded by peace, prosperity, and infinite noodles. Truly, this is… hell."
Bitty: "That's the spirit."