Rika had been quiet for a moment, chin propped in her palm, her brows gently knit as she stared out the window. Ai, in contrast, was practically glowing—giggling to herself while scrolling through her latest messages with Shin, her phone buzzing every few seconds like clockwork.
Then Rika asked it—quiet, curious.
"…Hey, Ai."
"Hm?" Ai replied, not looking up from her phone.
Rika chewed the inside of her cheek, then asked, "Do you ever feel that way… about girls?"
Ai blinked, paused, then finally glanced up. "That way?"
"You know. Attracted. Like… romantically. Sexually."
Ai frowned. "Ew, no."
Rika blinked. "That fast, huh?"
Ai hugged her knees up to her chest, nose scrunching in genuine distaste. "I mean, I love you, Rika. You're my best friend. But like… the idea of doing stuff with a girl? Kissing one? Touching… like that?" She gave an involuntary shiver. "Gross."
Rika looked away, hiding the flicker in her expression.
Ai didn't seem to notice. "I dunno. The whole idea just makes me feel weird. Like it's wrong for me. Not judging other people or whatever, but for me? I'd seriously gag if a girl tried anything."
"Huh…" Rika mumbled, eyes still on the window. "Okay."
There was a pause.
Then Ai tilted her head. "Why do you ask?"
Rika shrugged. "Just curious."
Ai squinted. "That sounded suspicious."
"It's not. It's just… I guess I've been thinking." Rika looked over again, her tone more thoughtful now. "Like… you're super obsessed with your brother. But have you ever felt anything for anyone else? Ever crushed on a boy at school? Or even thought about… being with someone who isn't Onii-chan?"
Ai was quiet for a moment. Her phone dimmed in her lap. Her eyes didn't sparkle now—just softened.
"I mean… I like boys," she said slowly. "I think some are cute. Some smell nice. Sometimes I watch shows and think, 'Oh, that actor's hot,' you know?"
Rika nodded.
"But… the second I imagine one of them touching me, or kissing me—or worse—my skin starts crawling." She hugged her knees tighter. "Like I want to wash it off. Like it'd be wrong. I don't want anyone else's hands on me."
Rika stared.
"Even when I try to imagine it," Ai said, voice softer now. "Like, really try. I just feel sick. Like I'm betraying Onii-chan, or doing something dirty. Not sexy dirty. Just… bad."
"…But it's not just guilt, is it?"
Ai shook her head. "It's something deeper. Like I'm wired wrong. Like the only person I want like that is him. Everyone else? Just thinking about it feels fake. Or… disgusting."
Rika swallowed, hard.
"And it's not that I don't want love or sex," Ai went on, a light blush coloring her cheeks. "I do. I really do. But only if it's him. Only if it's with Onii-chan."
Rika leaned back again, exhaling slowly.
"…That's a little scary."
Ai tilted her head. "Why?"
"Because you're not kidding. Not even a little."
Ai smiled—soft, but resolute. "I've never been more serious."
Rika gave a small, helpless laugh. "You're gonna break the world, Ai."
Ai leaned her head on Rika's shoulder. "You'll be there to watch it burn, right?"
"…Yeah," Rika said, closing her eyes for a second. "I guess I will."
A pause.
Then Ai's voice dropped even lower, barely more than a whisper. "This morning…"
Rika glanced at her.
Ai's cheeks deepened in color, but she kept going. "Before class. I was in the washroom… alone. I couldn't stop thinking about last night. About his voice. His touch. I—I touched myself."
Rika stiffened, blinking fast.
Ai kept her tone soft, almost dazed. "It wasn't for long. Just a little, in the stall. I couldn't stop shaking after. But it helped. Like I was holding in something all morning and just… needed to let it out."
Rika swallowed, not quite sure where to look. Her cheeks were flushed, her hands gripped tight around her chopsticks.
"Did you…" she hesitated. "Did it feel good?"
Ai turned her face to the sunlit window, a smile brushing her lips.
"It felt like him. Like he was there, whispering to me. Telling me I was pretty. That he missed me too."
Rika didn't answer. Couldn't. She just sat there, her mind buzzing with thoughts she didn't want to admit even to herself.
Ai finally glanced back at her, playful again despite the lingering red on her face. "You're going quiet again. Are you judging me?"
Rika laughed under her breath. "I stopped judging you two chapters ago."
Ai giggled, leaning sideways until her shoulder pressed against Rika's. "You're a good friend, you know that?"
Rika managed a half-smile. "I try."
Another pause. This one more comfortable, wrapped in the fading warmth of their shared secret.
Then Ai asked, gently, "Would you still be my friend… if I told you I want him that way? For real?"
Rika looked at her fully now, their eyes meeting.
"I already knew," she said. "And yeah… I'd still be here."
Ai looked down at her lap, the smile on her face now quietly radiant.
"Good," she whispered. "Because I don't want to do this alone."
---
Rika sat still, her body warm where Ai leaned against her. The buzz of the classroom faded into the background, drowned beneath the hum in her head—louder than the distant laughter, sharper than the clatter of lunch trays.
Ai's words echoed.
"I touched myself… thinking of him."
Rika's fingers curled tighter around her chopsticks.
It wasn't the confession that unsettled her. It wasn't even the taboo of it, or the graphic honesty Ai had dropped like a casual truth. No. It was something else.
It was the way her heart had thudded in her chest, a beat too fast.
She didn't want it to matter. She wanted to be unaffected. Supportive. A good friend.
But hearing Ai talk like that—so sure, so devoted, so deeply in love with someone she wasn't supposed to be in love with—it stirred something in Rika. Something old. Something she'd buried.
She glanced sideways at Ai, who was now smiling down at her phone again, cheeks still faintly red, lost in whatever sweet, forbidden message her brother had sent her. There was an innocence to Ai's obsession that made it feel… dangerous. Like a beautiful lie she believed too much.
And Rika hated how jealous that made her.
Not of Shin. But of the way Ai could love someone that completely.
She looked down at her tray, untouched. Her stomach turned.
That question she'd asked—"Do you ever feel that way about girls?"—it hadn't been just curiosity. Not really. She'd known the answer before she asked. She knew Ai didn't swing that way. She'd always known.
But a part of her had still hoped. Stupid, right?
She thought back to middle school. The way she used to feel a little fluttery watching Ai laugh, watching her tie her hair up in front of the mirror. She remembered sleepovers—when their legs would brush under the covers, when Ai would cuddle her without thinking twice, and Rika would lie awake for hours, heart racing like an idiot.
It wasn't love. Not quite. But it wasn't nothing, either.
And now, sitting here, hearing Ai talk about how disgusting it felt to even think about being touched by a girl?
It hurt. Just a little.
She exhaled through her nose, forcing a smile.
Of course she doesn't like girls.
Of course she doesn't like you.
She's in love with her brother. You knew that. You've always known.
But it was still a wound, invisible and throbbing, tucked somewhere beneath her ribs.
"I already knew," she'd said. "And yeah… I'd still be here."
She meant it. She meant it.
But the truth was—every time Ai said his name, every time she blushed thinking about him, a part of Rika wished it was someone else. Anyone else. Someone she could compete with. Someone she could maybe replace.
Not her brother. Not something she could never touch, never compare to.
Ai giggled again, scrolling.
Rika looked away, her heart tight and quiet.
She would be here. She would stay by Ai's side. Always.
Even if it broke her a little.
Even if Ai never saw her that way.
Even if all she could do was smile and nod and hold Ai's secrets like they were her own.
Because if she couldn't have Ai's heart… maybe being the one who carried her truth was enough.
For now.
---
END OF CHAPTER : 57 : I AM SERIOUS!
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