Chapter 38: Love That Cannot Be Spoken
I couldn't understand why this kid still hadn't fallen in love with anyone. Could it be a gender issue? But probably not. My own person only started loving me after finishing his master's degree. I asked him:
"Why don't you fall in love with someone? Love makes life more beautiful, you know."
He kept his eyes on his laptop and casually replied:
"If I had a girlfriend, you'd be really lonely."
He was right. At this moment, he was the only one I could rely on. If he had a girlfriend, I probably wouldn't dare to be close to him anymore. I feared she would misunderstand, and I didn't want to cause trouble for him. If he had a girlfriend, I would feel a huge loss.
Even when I went back home to visit my future mother-in-law, I took him along. We visited only as students of her son. She had a kind face and was a teacher, so she was excellent at talking and handling situations. Every time we arrived, she welcomed us warmly, even getting teary-eyed.
I was determined to study seriously. I wanted Duyen to accept her defeat, fair and square. I didn't want her to feel bitter about losing to someone with ordinary looks and mediocre grades. Every time the score sheets came out, I always checked Duyen's grades first before looking at mine. It was like an unspoken battle.
Even though my love wasn't by my side, my little brother-like friend was always there to help me. He was two years below me, but his major was incredibly strong. Whenever I struggled with anything, just a word to him and everything became simple.
I often went to his house to study. This kid was something else. Before, he moved into the dormitory, saying that living alone was too lonely. But when I moved out, he also left the dormitory and returned home. His house was quite spacious and beautiful. Living in such a big place alone seemed like a waste. His parents were frequently away on business trips abroad, so he was often home alone.
Sitting next to him, I turned on my laptop. Though we were supposed to be studying together, I saw Mr Aunt online, so I jumped into a chat with him, laughing like a fool for half the day. Only when Mr Aunt had to leave for school did I finally say goodbye, feeling a bit embarrassed. I kept wasting his time.
I had to admit, I was kind of crazy. Knowing he was busy, I still made him send me pictures every week so I could check if he had gained or lost weight, or if he had become more handsome. I even insisted on seeing pictures of him smiling. If he sent me a serious-faced picture, I would refuse to accept it.
I turned to look at my little friend and saw him completely absorbed in his laptop.
So boring. Sitting near him felt like sitting next to a robot. I started chatting with him:
"I still owe you a birthday gift. What do you want? I'll get it for you."
He lifted his gaze from the screen, shook his head, and looked at me:
"What I want… you can't give me."
Thankfully, he didn't jokingly say, "I want your heart." I confidently promised:
"As long as I can afford it, I'll buy it for you. I swear."
He stayed silent for a moment, then said:
"I want a kiss."
As he spoke, he leaned his face close to mine, his eyes filled with emotion. Instinctively, I moved back slightly, tilting my head to avoid him. He hesitated for a moment:
"If that's too hard, then just a hug will do."
He looked directly into my eyes, and for the first time, there was no hint of teasing. I froze in place, feeling as stunned as if I were turned to stone.
Despite being younger than me, he was undeniably manly. He moved closer, his intoxicating gaze leaving me at a loss. Just as he was about to wrap his arms around me, I quickly shook my head:
"Can it be something else? I can't betray him."
He turned away, hiding his disappointment, then burst into laughter:
"You're so boring. I'm this old, and I've never once kissed or hugged a girl. But you won't even humor me."
I playfully smacked him on the head with a book:
"Stop lying! No one believes you."
He leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then went out to the balcony to smoke. After a while, he returned to studying, while I sat there, my mind wandering.
I grabbed his Nokia Lumia 800 and started fiddling with it. But no matter what I did, I couldn't unlock it. This kid, why did he need such tight security? Was he hiding a long list of flirtations? I had to get to the bottom of this.
"Hey, what's your password? I need to call home. My phone's out of money."
He replied:
"I want to kiss you."
I glared at him.
"Be serious."
His expression remained calm, mature even:
"Then try entering: 'I love VTV.'"
Ugh, this kid's jokes were endless. Since when did passwords have letters? I played along:
"VTV? You mean 'Vu Trang Van'? Well, me too! I also love Vu Trang Van!"
I laughed at my own joke. You're still too young to outsmart me, kid.
He sighed, disappointed, and returned his focus to his laptop:
"Fine, just enter: 10010404."
I typed in the numbers he gave me. When the phone unlocked, I was stunned.
Why was this…
The wallpaper was a picture of me, asleep in the library.
Oh my god.
How could I look this beautiful? My lips were slightly parted, and I was sleeping soundly, my face serene and gentle like a princess. I had never seen myself this stunning before. This photo was taken back when we first met in the library, after our exams. At that time, I had looked exhausted, completely worn out. And yet, here I was, captured in such a breathtaking moment.
I hurriedly turned to him:
"Send me this picture! I need to show Chung. I look amazing in this!"
His expression darkened, and he quickly snatched his phone away:
"This is mine. No one else gets it."
I kept begging him:
"But it's a picture of me!"
Wait… a picture of me, as his wallpaper?
I fell silent for a moment before cautiously asking:
"Why did you use my picture as your wallpaper?"
He didn't answer. He just sat there, expressionless, before getting up and going back to the balcony for another cigarette.
I sat inside, feeling dazed.
Did he really have feelings for me?
I wasn't naive enough to miss all the times he flirted with me, but I had always assumed it was just his personality—charming and smooth-talking. But now, I started to wonder if he had been serious all along.
I traced my fingers over the phone screen.
10010404.
10 01—his birthday.
04 04—my birthday.
If his feelings were real, then he must have been suffering for a long time.
Loving someone but being unable to say it… that must be heartbreaking.