Chapter 52: "Jailhouse Bugs and Bad Ideas"
(In which Kurenai questions everything, Shino takes Naruto's advice too seriously, and Asuma just wants one normal day.)
You know you've messed up when a fashionably dressed genjutsu mistress with murder in her eyes storms into your jail cell before your subordinate can say, "He's cranky without caffeine."
Smoker, to his credit, didn't flinch when the doors of the Skypiean Skylock Prison creaked open and in walked Kurenai Yuhi, a red-eyed fury with a bag full of recently purchased sky-silk scarves and a chakra signature sharp enough to shave stone. Behind her trailed Asuma Sarutobi, who looked half-exasperated and half-concerned, like a man who knew his girlfriend might start a war over poor manners.
Tashigi had barely opened her mouth to say "Captain—" before Kurenai slammed her palm on the metal bars.
"You attacked a group of teenagers in a café," she snapped. "With tourists! And cupcakes! Are you completely mental?"
Smoker blinked, taking in the woman like she was an unexpected final boss battle. "Who…?"
"Asuma Sarutobi," the man beside her said, raising a hand calmly. "That's Kurenai. We're the ones who make sure this flying circus doesn't implode when Naruto starts inventing new jutsus on a coffee high."
"Also," Kurenai added, crossing her arms, "we're the adults you should've looked for before attacking the literal Kazekage and his high-powered friends over your identity confusion."
Smoker frowned. "Kazekage?"
"You thought he was Crocodile," Tashigi helpfully reminded him.
Smoker groaned and rubbed his temples like the world had suddenly become a series of bad punchlines. "I hadn't had coffee."
"I don't care if you hadn't had oxygen," Kurenai said, voice sharp enough to slice a cloud. "Do you know how hard it is to get these kids to act like normal humans on vacation? Do you?! One moment it's sightseeing, and the next it's cloud-chariot prison breaks and bug-based terrorism."
Smoker tried to look dignified but mostly looked like a man whose lungs were filled with regret and decaf.
"I made a mistake," he said gruffly. "I acted on impulse. No excuses. I overreacted and endangered civilians. I'll accept whatever punishment Gran Fall decides."
That shut Kurenai up for a second.
She didn't expect that.
Asuma nodded slightly. "Well said."
Tashigi, who had been watching with the worried expression of someone who expected to spend the night filing apology letters, looked relieved. "Captain..."
Smoker sighed again. "I didn't know who they were. I wasn't briefed. I saw sand powers and tourists screaming. My brain said Crocodile, and I didn't pause to ask if Crocodile had somehow been de-aged and gotten a decent haircut."
Kurenai exhaled slowly. "Alright. You're not evil. Just stupid."
"You're still buying the next round of desserts to repay the café," Tashigi chimed in.
"And apologizing to the beetle boy," Asuma added. "That kid's insects are still traumatized."
Smoker deadpanned, "Do they look traumatized?"
Later, as the group left the cell, Tashigi glanced back at her captain, who was already mumbling something about needing twelve espressos and a time machine.
"Sir," she said, "you handled that surprisingly well."
"I've been yelled at by Garp," Smoker muttered. "Compared to that, your angry mom was mildly terrifying."
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When Kurenai Yuhi burst into Shino's cell an hour later—red-eyed, scarf still fluttering like she was auditioning for Sky Pirates: The Musical—Shino looked up from his spot on the simple cloud bench like she had just interrupted his meditation.
"Asuma," Kurenai snapped, not taking her eyes off Shino. "You get him snacks. I'll get answers."
"Yes, ma'am," Asuma said with the resigned sigh of a man who had accepted that nothing in his life would ever be boring again.
Shino adjusted his glasses, which had a faint chip from a stray puff of smoke during the earlier chaos. "Hello, Sensei."
"Don't 'Hello, Sensei' me," Kurenai said, marching in. "You—one of my brightest, most logical, most responsible students—got arrested. You. Not Naruto, not Kiba, not even Lee. You."
Shino tilted his head slightly. "That is accurate."
Kurenai narrowed her eyes. "Why?"
A pause. The bugs under his collar buzzed quietly, like they too were ashamed.
"Because," he said finally, "Naruto told me to."
Kurenai blinked. "...I'm sorry, what?"
"His exact words were: 'C'mon, Shino, don't be boring. Try prison once. It builds character.'"
Kurenai's jaw dropped slightly.
"I believe he was only half-joking," Shino added. "He suggested I consider it a cultural experience. A chance to study Skypiean justice systems and build empathy with wrongfully accused inmates."
Kurenai was blinking rapidly now, one eye twitching in a way that made Asuma reappear and offer her a juice box before she detonated.
"You listened to him?" she asked, taking the juice like it was a calming potion.
Shino nodded. "Naruto is unpredictable. But often… not wrong. I've read about the psychological benefits of stepping outside one's comfort zone."
"So instead of disappearing in a bug cloud like usual, you just waited to get cuffed?"
"Technically," Shino said, adjusting his cloak, "I asked the guards if I should turn myself in. They seemed surprised. One offered me a biscuit."
Asuma tried not to laugh. "So you're telling me this was… voluntary prison?"
"Yes."
Kurenai looked skyward like she was having a long, polite argument with the heavens.
"Shino," she said with the voice of someone who had once survived watching Naruto juggle explosive tags near toddlers, "next time Naruto tells you to experience something new… please. Ask me first."
Shino looked thoughtful. "Would you have approved if I had asked you first?"
"Absolutely not!"
"Then it is fortunate that I did not," he said calmly.
Kurenai facepalmed.
On the way out of the jail, Asuma whispered, "So… what's the plan now?"
"I'm going to find Naruto," she muttered, eyes narrowing. "And he is going to experience something new."
"What's that?"
"Silence."
Asuma chuckled. "You sure it's not prison?"
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Choji:
The moment Conis left to speak with Gran Fall, something in Choji's soul awakened. It might have been destiny. It might have been hunger. Honestly, with Choji, it was usually both.
"I'll run the café," he declared, clutching a frying pan like a sacred artifact. "For Conis."
Kiba blinked. "Can you even make coffee?"
"Yes," Choji said proudly. "And I can make magic."
Thus began what would later be referred to in Skypiean history scrolls as The Week of the Divine Potato.
The moment Choji stepped behind the counter, the café transformed. Literally. The floors shimmered with polished cloud tiles, the scent of sizzling dumplings wafted through the air, and Naruto slapped a "NEW MENU" sign on the door like it owed him money.
"This is our moment," Naruto whispered to Kiba and Lee, eyes gleaming with the intensity of someone who had no idea what he was doing but was going to do it loudly.
Kiba howled (literally), Lee saluted the rising sun, and Choji rolled up his sleeves.
"Alright team!" Choji bellowed. "Naruto—you're on crowd control and advertising! Kiba, waiter and dog-care division! Lee, keep everything dramatic and motivational!"
"What about you?" Kiba asked.
Choji's eyes glowed. "I'm going to feed the world."
Naruto wasn't just loud—he was a brand. In ten minutes, he had made fliers, done a shadow clone flash mob in the streets, and convinced a cloud goose to wear a banner that said "TASTE THE SKY."
"Best food in Skypiea!" he shouted from the roof. "Get your flying curry buns! We got meatballs that make angels weep! Even our water's got FLAVOR."
People flocked in out of curiosity. They stayed because Choji was a genius.
Lee opened the door for every customer with a dramatic bow and a shout of: "WELCOME TO PARADISE ON A PLATE!"
Kiba ran from table to table, Akamaru helping balance trays and sniff out anyone who looked like they might try to dine and dash. He even handed out bones for the kids.
Choji, meanwhile, was a storm of starch and skill. He conjured up spicy fried cloud fish, lightning-crisp tempura, dial-steamed buns with sky-pumpkin filling, and potato croquettes so perfect they glowed. Literally. One old man bit into one and started weeping about his childhood.
"Chef," he whispered. "You brought me back to my wedding day."
Choji just nodded solemnly, like a potato whisperer who understood the weight of his responsibility.
By sunset, the line stretched halfway across the sky plaza. Naruto's voice was hoarse from yelling flavor slogans, Kiba was asleep on a stack of napkins, and Lee was giving motivational speeches to a group of waiters who didn't work there.
Choji emerged from the kitchen, cheeks smudged with flour, holding a ladle like a scepter.
"We did it," he declared.
"You served four hundred people," Naruto wheezed. "I saw someone propose after eating your yakitori."
"I got a marriage proposal too," Lee added. "But it was from a mirror."
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Kurenai:
Asuma and Kurenai had seen a lot in their lives. Genin exams, A-rank missions, even Kiba's middle school poetry. But nothing—nothing—prepared them for walking into a fully packed cloud café, running smoother than a Chuunin exam bribe, with Choji at the helm and Naruto seated like a CEO who'd just bought the Moon.
"Welcome to the Pumpkin Cloud Café!" Naruto said cheerfully, lounging behind a dial-powered cash register. "Would you like a seat, or would you prefer to speak with my legal team?"
Kurenai raised a brow. "Your what now?"
Naruto snapped his fingers.
The double doors creaked open dramatically (Lee might have added a fog dial earlier), and two figures emerged with all the gravitas of a courtroom anime.
First came Blue, the chakra-enhanced spinosaurus, wearing a monocle, a bowtie made of cloud silk, and holding a scroll in his tiny-but-dignified claws. He gave a slow, regal nod to the guests.
Second came Kong, the Lightning King Kong uncle with a tiny vest, electrified spectacles, and the aura of someone who had passed every bar exam in ten dimensions. A thundercloud hovered behind him for dramatic punctuation.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Kong said in a deep, rumbling voice that made the dessert trays wobble, "you may now proceed with your grievance."
Kurenai blinked. Twice.
Asuma leaned to her and whispered, "I think we're in Naruto Court now."
Case 57-A – Kurenai vs Naruto, on behalf of Shino's Emotional Well-Being
Kong pulled out a scroll and cleared his throat. "The matter at hand: Why was Shino allowed to experience prison for the sake of 'life experiences'? And why, in the name of all things sensible, did Naruto recommend it?"
Kurenai crossed her arms. "Because it's insane!"
"Objection," Blue said, his voice a surprisingly silky baritone. "My client, Naruto Uzumaki, maintains that the experience was consensual, educational, and—in his own words—'kinda funny.'"
Asuma tried not to laugh. He failed.
Naruto stood dramatically. "Your honor—"
"There's no judge," Kurenai snapped.
"Then I'll be my own," Kong said. "Proceed."
Naruto bowed, overly dramatic. "Thank you, your gorilla-ness."
He turned to Kurenai. "Shino wanted to understand the world better. I merely suggested that life is full of unexpected situations—like prison. He volunteered to stay. It was a bonding moment with a marine captain. There were hornets involved."
Kurenai pinched the bridge of her nose. "Naruto, he was arrested."
"He had the power to leave the entire time," Kong chimed in. "In fact, we have surveillance crystal orb footage of him saying, and I quote, 'Naruto believes in me. I will embrace the unknown.'"
Blue unrolled a scroll showing a very confused Shino politely sitting on his prison bunk, feeding a mosquito chakra.
Kurenai looked like she was calculating how long it would take to adopt a new genin team.
Asuma patted her shoulder. "Hey, technically, he's not wrong. Shino did grow from the experience."
"Spiritual growth through incarceration?" she muttered. "Next you'll tell me Naruto's planning a motivational jail program."
Naruto snapped his fingers. "Thanks for the idea!"
Kong banged a ladle on the counter. "I, Kong, legal counsel and honorary jungle judge, declare this incident not illegal, mildly irresponsible, but deeply character-building."
Blue added, "And delicious. Have you tried the cloud churros?"
Kurenai slumped into a booth and accepted a plate from Choji, who appeared with perfect timing. "Here," he said kindly. "It's the 'Emotional Recovery Special'."
Naruto saluted her. "See, sensei? We're thriving."
Kurenai sighed. "You're thriving, alright. Thriving into a full-time source of migraines."
Asuma raised his glass of cloud soda. "To Naruto Law. May it never get an actual license."