Location: Yxtrielle – Core Silence Field, Driftrest Level
Time: [Stability Holding @ 76% – No Imminent Deaths Detected… yet]
Ren sat cross-legged in the middle of the vault, staring at his new sword like it owed him rent.
The floating, form-shifting, smart-mouthed blade hovered just out of reach, pulsing with equal parts sarcasm and main-character energy.
SWORD (snide):
"Well? Clock's ticking, Blade Dad. Name me before someone else does. Last time you hesitated, Space tried to call me Stabitha the Infinite."
SPACE (from nowhere, grinning):
"It was poetic. She had mystique."
TIME (singing):
"♫ Daddy Blade~! Daddy Blaaaade~! ♫"
FROST (deadpan):
"Please. Anything but that. Literally name it 'Microwave' and I'll support it."
BLAZE (mocking):
"What about Chad the Edge of Eternity? No? Too high-school anime? Thought so."
GRAVITY (coldly):
"This entire conversation is proof that sentient life was a mistake."
Ren buried his face in his hands and let out the slow, exhausted groan of a man who knew the universe had handed him power, then stuck a rubber chicken in his back pocket for balance.
He inhaled. Exhaled. Stared at the sword again.
It shifted into a kitchen knife. Then a pizza cutter. Then a lightsaber. Then... a fork.
SWORD (cheerfully):
"Look at me, Ren. I'm multi-purpose. I can slice timelines or spread butter. I'm basically your destiny… but with better edge retention."
REN (groaning):
"I'm gonna name you out of spite at this point."
He stood up, pointed dramatically.
"Alright, listen up, you emotionally unstable geometry violation."
The sword pulsed, curious.
REN:
"From this moment forward…
your name is..."
(pause)
"...Snarksteel."
SWORD (horrified):
"NO."
REN:
"Too late. You mocked me for three days straight. You got Snarksteel'd."
SWORD (desperate):
"PLEASE. I have timelines in me. I have deleted kings. I am a weapon of cosmic consequence!"
REN (shrugging):
"Yeah, and now you sound like a failed stand-up comic who yells at toasters."
SYSTEM LOG – WEAPON NAME CONFIRMED
🗡️ SNARKSTEEL (a.k.a. "The Blade Formerly Known as Vey'stryx, Threadbreaker, and Riftblade")
Status: Registered
Emotional State: Betrayed
Soul-Sync: 100% (Reluctantly)
TIME (dying laughing):
"I can't. I'm literally resetting myself to hear that again."
SPACE (clapping):
"This is your legacy now, Ren. Enjoy the cringe."
FROST:
"...He's going to stab something just to cope, isn't he?"
SNARKSTEEL (sulking):
"I could've been... Ruinweaver. Or Oblivion's Fang. Or The Echo of Final Flame. But nooooo. Now I'm Snarksteel. The weapon equivalent of a regret tattoo."
REN:
"Get used to it, butter knife."
AETHERIUM CORE NOTICE:> name_registry.update("Snarksteel") > success: yes > mood: chaotic > side_quest: name_your_boots_next
And then…
Everything went quiet.
Not "someone unplugged the scene" quiet.
Not even "we used up all the jokes" quiet.
The kind of quiet that made your stomach twist.
Like the air was bracing for something.
Ren turned slowly.
The vault lights dimmed.
His glyphs shivered.
And behind him—
behind all the core chatter and fragments and sarcasm—
Lira stirred.
The stasis seal cracked.
Not violently.
Not loudly.
Just a breath. A shift.
A blink.
Her eyes opened.
Silver.
Sharp.
Alive.
REN (whispers):
"Oh fuck."