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The Slytherin team was completely cracking up. Flint was laughing so hard he couldn't stand up straight, leaning on his brand-new broom for support. Malfoy was down on all fours, pounding the ground with both fists.
Meanwhile, the Gryffindor team had gathered around Ron, who was still puking out shiny, fat slugs. No one really wanted to get too close to him.
"We should probably take him to Hagrid's," Harry said to Hermione. "It's the closest place."
Hermione nodded bravely. She and Harry each grabbed one of Ron's arms and hoisted him up.
"I'll come with you guys. Ron's wand getting wrecked was partly my fault, too. Once we get to Hagrid's, I'll see if I can help him finish throwing up," Augustus said to Harry. Harry nodded, and the four of them headed off toward Hagrid's hut.
"What's wrong, Harry? Is he sick? But you can fix him, right?" Colin came bouncing up, practically skipping as he followed them off the field.
Ron doubled over again, more slugs splatting onto his chest.
"Ooh—" Colin looked fascinated and raised his camera. "Can you hold him still, Harry?"
"Get lost, Colin!" Harry snapped.
They hurried to the edge of the forest.
"Almost there, Ron," Hermione said as Hagrid's hut came into view. "You're gonna be fine... just hang on..."
They were only about twenty steps away from the door when it suddenly opened. But it wasn't Hagrid who came out—it was Gilderoy Lockhart, dressed in a pale lavender robe today.
"Quick, hide," Harry whispered, yanking Augustus behind the nearest bush. Hermione and Ron ducked in, too, though Hermione looked reluctant.
"If you know how to do it, it's really quite simple!" Lockhart was saying loudly to Hagrid. "If you need any help, you know where to find me! I'll send you a signed copy of one of my books tonight—I'm shocked you don't already own one! Anyway, cheerio!"
He strode off toward the castle.
Augustus frowned. What was Lockhart doing here? Trying to recruit fans? With how gullible Hagrid could be, it wasn't impossible he'd fall for Lockhart's nonsense. That Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher definitely didn't seem like someone who'd stay out of trouble.
Once Lockhart was finally out of sight, the four of them came out from behind the bushes and rushed up to Hagrid's door, knocking urgently.
Hagrid opened up, looking angry at first—but the second he saw who it was, his face lit up.
"I was just wonderin' when you lot would come visit—come in, come in—I thought it was Professor Lockhart again! Oh, Augustus is here too! Welcome, welcome!"
Augustus nodded, and all four of them stepped into the hut. One corner held an enormous bed, and a fire was crackling merrily in the hearth on the other side. Harry helped Ron into a chair.
"Hagrid, could you get us a big basin?" Augustus glanced around and asked.
Hagrid quickly found a large copper bowl and set it in front of Ron. Augustus pulled out his wand and cast a Vomitus! spell. Ron gripped the basin and started puking out slugs again. Once he was finally done, Augustus followed it up with a Reparo, and Ron stopped heaving, letting out a huge sigh of relief.
"Thanks again, Mr. Augustus. You've saved me again," Ron said gratefully, rubbing his nose.
"No worries. Honestly, I still feel partly responsible for your wand getting smashed by the Whomping Willow. If I'd acted a bit faster, maybe it wouldn't have broken." Augustus clearly still felt guilty about it.
While he spoke, Hagrid was busy making tea. His giant boarhound, Fang, was drooling all over Harry.
"What was Lockhart doing here, Hagrid?" Harry asked, scratching behind Fang's ears.
"Tryin' to teach me how to keep water demons outta wells," Hagrid said with a scowl, grabbing a half-plucked rooster off the scrubbed table and setting the kettle down. "Like I don't know that already. Then he started braggin' about how he banished a banshee or somethin'. If even one word o' that was true, I'd eat this teapot."
This wasn't the kind of thing Hagrid usually said about other teachers, and Harry was surprised. Hermione, in a slightly raised voice, said, "I think that's unfair. Professor Dumbledore must've thought he was the best choice—"
"The only choice," Hagrid cut in, offering them a plate of treacle fudge. "That's what I meant. It's hard finding someone to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts these days. No one wants the job—it's considered cursed. No one lasts long in it. Now tell me," Hagrid turned to Ron, "who was he trying to hex?"
"Malfoy said something horrible to Hermione," Ron said hoarsely, peeking up over the table. "He called her a Mudblood, Hagrid—"
"I've heard the word," Augustus said, looking over at Hagrid. "But I've never fully understood what it means."
"It's a nasty word for someone who's Muggle-born—parents can't do magic," Hagrid explained, choosing his words carefully. "Some wizards, like the Malfoys, think they're better than everyone else just because they're 'pureblood.'"
"But honestly," Ron jumped in with a bit of a mean grin, "look at Neville Longbottom—he's pureblood, and he can't even set up a cauldron properly."
"Hermione knows more spells than they've even invented!" Hagrid said proudly.
Hermione turned bright red.
"So it really is just an insult," Augustus said calmly. "As far as I know, Voldemort himself wasn't pureblood, and how many purebloods could match his power? So clearly, a wizard's strength has nothing to do with their blood. Don't let it get to you, Hermione."
The second Augustus said "Voldemort," both Ron and Hagrid shivered.
Trying to change the subject, Hagrid said, "Oh! That reminds me, Harry—I've got a bone to pick with you. Heard you've been handing out signed photos! How come I didn't get one?"
Harry was outraged. He forced his sticky mouth open and blurted, "I haven't signed anything! If Lockhart's been spreading that—"
But then he saw Hagrid grinning.
"I'm only messin' with you," Hagrid chuckled, giving Harry a friendly slap on the back—so hard that Harry smacked his face into the table.
Outside, the weather was starting to cool. A gust of wind rattled Hagrid's door with a sharp knock. Augustus looked out the window. The sky and clouds over the Forbidden Forest looked vast and endless, like something out of a dream.
"....."