The blood on my shirt had already dried. My hair clung to my face, soaked with sweat. Walking past the cold corridors, I sat anxiously on the bench. I waited....waited for her to get up.
Her parents were on their way, but little did I know, there was no chance she'd make it until they will arrive. Her vitals were dropping by the minute, and my heart wouldn't stop pounding in my chest.
Everything went to normal shortly after Maitrey was admitted to hospital. Hospital and the world did not knew what was happening in this particular corridor, in this particular room and just like that college resumed shortly after the accident. Everyone's worry faded the moment they were told Maitrey was still alive. No one called again. No one actually cared.
Nobody wanted to talk about it. It became a come-and-go situation...sympathy offered in passing. They spoke about her, but none of them really cared. Meanwhile, my life came to a halt.
Beep... beep... beep...That sound echoed in my ears over and over again. All I wanted was to see her...just once.
The strong smell of antiseptic filled the corridor, so sharp that my nose couldn't register anything else.
Sitting on that bench at midnight, the silence gnawed at my insides. The thought of losing her forever was terrifying...but more terrifying was the idea of facing her parents. At least I was able to see her. See her fighting. Her parents... they didn't even knew.
My heart thudded louder. Anxiety crept in with every minute. Memories flickered through my mind. her laughter, the way we shared every little thing. It felt like just yesterday.
And now, she was in a hospital bed. And I was outside her room.
"Miss Mathur?"
A voice broke my spiral.
"Yes, Doctor?" I asked quickly, wiping away my tears.
"She wants to see you... if you could—"
"Say less, Doctor. Of course, I will." I turned to go.
"Miss Mathur?" Doctor interrupted.
"I... I can't show her my face like this. Not like this."
Dried tears. Sweat. Dirt. Blood.
If she saw me like this, it would terrify her even more.
Doctor was somewhat satisfied with my answer but his body language told me to hurry up, because if i wouldn't...it would late...very late.
I stood in front of the mirror. I didn't touch the water.
Didn't fix my hair.
Didn't move.
I just stared at my reflection. This could be the last time I'd see her. The last time we'd speak. What should I say? What could I do to ease her pain?
Did she even knew she was going to die? And if she didn't...how was I supposed to tell her?
So many questions.
Only one answer: Walk in with nothing.
Go in empty.
Slowly, with trembling fingers, I turned on the tap. The cold water stung my skin, snapping me back into motion. I splashed it over my face, trying to wash away the fear, the blood, the weight.
Splashing the water on my face calmed my throbbing nerves down but I was running late.
I immediately went ahead and washed my face and rushed to her room.
Slowly and steadily, twisting the door knob, I opened the door. There she was, lying on the bed, with her eyes closed, A rush went up my spine but then she opened her eyes.
She somehow managed to give me a small smile which I was able to see from her oxygen mask. The room, the hospital was so silent that I was able to hear my own heartbeat.
I slowly approached her with a tearful eyes but with smile plastered on my face, smile because the condition in which she bought here was very critical, critical to the point that I never thought I would be able to speak with again and tears had their own story. Everything came to one last time, last smile, last talk, last touch and last moment.
This was a nightmare, nightmare that will not come to an end, a nightmare that would affect my whole life, the burden of today's night was very heavy, heavy in such a way that I couldn't even carry it on my own back.
Approaching her and my hands finding their way to her hands, I hold it tight, maybe...maybe if I will hold her tight, she will not go anywhere, maybe she'll pity me and will come back to me all healthy.
But little did I know it was not possible, I was asking for something that even god also would not help me in.
She smiled through her pain. That was so like her...bleeding out and still trying to make me feel better. It broke me in ways I didn't know I could be broken. Her eyes searched mine. I wondered if she saw fear, guilt, love… or all of it. Her fingers twitched slightly under mine. I didn't let go.
"Maitrey?" A whisper left my mouth and it was enough to bring me close to crying.
"Hm?" Her voice hoarse and a whimper left her mouth, it was difficult for her to speak, she was struggling to make a sound.
"Just...just don't leave me." I cried, the burden on me was so heavy that I was not able to contain myself, and how would I be able to contain me, when something so terrible was happening that I never thought of.
She laughed it off.
"I think we were destined till here only, don't miss me too much, if you will...then I can't even die peacefully when I knew that I have kept you crying and that too alone by yourself." A breathed sharply.
"I'll cry...I will cry if means that you will not die, I will keep crying to keep you alive Matirey...just don't go, don't leave me...."
"Shhh, its already hurting, don't make my heart even hurt more...I know mom and dad is not here, so tell them that their daughter was not coward, she fought...she wounded them, it was not a choice but a forceful, dreadful compulsion."
"Hmm...I'll tell them, I'll do that."
"Anaira, now listen to me very carefully, I'm going to tell you something that is very important, so that you won't go on the same path like I did."
A stool kept near her was my bed that night. I listened to each and every word of her, although she was mumbling it, but it was clear to me. The thing which I was supposed to do from the very beginning...I was doing it now. She knew she would die, she was so shocked that how come she had not, but one last time... god gave me a chance, a chance to listen to her...she whispered truths too heavy for the sterile air around us. Secrets, regrets, warnings. For three hours, I listened...not a word from me, not a pause from her, until she simply...stopped, she left, she didn't just left this world...she left me in it. Alone.
I just sat there, her hand in mine...I could feel it becoming cold and cold by the minute. I did nothing but stare at her face. She did not look peaceful...tensed and urge to fight back...she died. 5...10...15...minutes passed and my legs couldn't stop trembling and I was immediately jolted out of my thoughts, once doctor entered the room and suggested me to leave.
I removed her fingers that were intertwined with mine and planting one last kiss on her hand, I stood up...everything was dizzy...a sudden headache strike but I somehow managed to contain myself.
When she died...and yes, she died, not "passed away" or "left us"...the world didn't stop. That's what haunted me the most. The monitor flatlined, the doctor covered her face, and my world shattered... yet the fan kept spinning on the ceiling. The clock kept ticking. It was cruel. That time didn't die with her.
I walked out of her room, and there they were...her parents. What should I tell to them? How should I tell to them that what had they done to her?
Her mother stepped toward the door, but she didn't have the courage to go inside. Instead, she reached for me, her hand trembling as it found mine. Her eyes locked onto mine, wide and searching. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak.
She burst into tears.
She didn't know where to place her grief..., so she placed it on me, gripping my arms, my face, my soul.
She found her way to grab my collar. And she cried...the kind of cry that rips through the soul.
It echoed in the whole corridor.
Her father rushed over, trying to calm her, to support her. His hands wrapped over hers and mine, rubbing her back gently. They both were in tears.
I dared not look either of them in the eyes.
The hope that had kept us alive...that thin thread...had snapped.
We were all vulnerable. We were all broken. We were all lost.
Hours passed but her mother did not let go of me, her sobbing stopped but she was traumatized. Sitting on the floor made her entire body cold and the only source of warmth was from me, to her body and to her heart. She did not utter a single word, just her head laid on my chest, her hand gripping my forearms and her whole body pressed up against mine.
Her father went to sign some formalities, and my phone couldn't stop ringing. It was morning, faculty, students...all wanted to know...what was happening.
I was very well aware that her mother was not ready to let go of me right now and neither I did.
A few minutes passed and her father came, gently consoling her and providing her the comfort she let go of me. She stood up and sat on the nearby bench. Her breath uneven, her hair a mess, and she just sat their with her eyes closed.
I wanted to scream. Not cry, not weep...just scream. But I couldn't. My throat had dried up hours ago, somewhere between the sirens and the surgery. I didn't even remember the accident clearly anymore. All I could recall was her voice just before it. "Wait for me, just five minutes." That echo played on loop in my mind. I waited. And now, I'd wait forever.
I stood nearby her, didn't knew what to do...whether to stand or to sit...
This morning, the world moved on but we just stood there....
They decided to hold the funeral the next day. It all happened quickly...too quickly. Like wrapping up a story no one was ready to end.
Everyone was there...students, faculty, guards, families...all were there but I was not mentally present there. Her memories rushed back in my mind and I just stood there watching her body cremate. Everyone went to her parents to console them and I went to her as well. I stood in front of her, her helpless eyes found my vulnerable one's, her lips dry, eyes swollen, dark circles, and a hopeless mother, my heart ached. I could not restrain myself and hugged her, she fought, she wounded them, she was not coward....I whispered in her ears and then hugged her tighter. Maitrey cremation was held on the rainy day, where there was no rain but thunderstorm.
A scent hit my nose followed by the long jacket hitting my forearm, then this particular face arrived.
Veer Mehra, not the student nor the faculty, the founder of VOTREX, The Votrex...a company that made watches, there watches were so expensive that only people who loved to show off, only they could afford it. Except making top notch watches and giving unnecessary attitude to everyone, he did not knew a thing or two. A 183 cm tall person covered from head to toe with is 3 piece suit attire, muscles defined and his jawline so sharp that could cut vegetables from it.
He was particularly crush of many, girls swoon over him and boys despised him for his looks, his fitness and what not...so much so...I heard the news, he was here for a business deal, a very important business deal, it could cost him everything...well that's what news said, funeral was particularly the last place I would ever thought to meet him, but how did he know Maitrey's family? A question, a question lingered my mind, but there was no one to ask for!
Just like that Maitrey's body cremated in front of me and the people who came started going back. Dhiren walked passed by but I did not made an eye contact with him but I knew he was going to talk to me, but not now. People walked passed by me and there he was...Veer Mehra with his face card and dressing sense and not to mention but his perfume so strong that you could smell it from a meter or two.
I had this brief eyes contact with him...caramel brown eyes and his hair long and his eyes light brown in color, flashed a small smile at me. I must be hallucinating at this point because there was no point he would smile at me and in the funeral?
Veer Mehra's smile haunted me that night. Not because it was warm. It wasn't. It was brief, calculated...like someone acknowledging a business deal. What business did he have here? And more importantly, why did his presence made my skin crawl? He wasn't mourning. He was observing. Watching. Cataloging grief like a collector of rare things. I didn't trust him. Not at all.
Everything came to an end, after Maitrey died, everything resumed shortly, my exams went well and holding her memories in a small trunk of mine in my memory I came back home after completing my degree.