I froze.
Kieran's voice came through the curtain, casual, amused, with just the tiniest drip of menace. Like he knew I was doomed and had been waiting for his moment to strike.
"No," I hissed. "Go away. I'm fine."
There was a beat of silence. Then a rustle.
Then the curtain moved.
"Wait—what the—KIERAN!"
But it was too late. He was already halfway in the tiny changing room, ducking under the curtain, tall, smug, and radiating that I told you so energy.
"I could hear you wrestling the zipper from outside," he said, eyes already on the dress. "Thought someone was dying."
"I wasn't wrestling—ugh! Get out!"
He raised a brow. "You want help or not?"
I blinked, speechless. I mean… I needed help. The zipper was stuck.
And it's not like he hadn't already seen me in worse ways, there was the bathing incident, the bathroom incident...
God.
"…Fine," I muttered. "But don't be weird."
He smirked. "No promises."
I turned around and held my hair up. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck as he reached for the zipper, fingers brushing against my skin. He tugged lightly.
The zipper slid down smoothly now, like it had just been waiting for his hands.
Of course it had.
I stepped out of the dress, breathing in relief, only for my ankle to catch on the damn hem as I tried to step away. I yelped and stumbled backward...
Right into Kieran's chest.
My hands instinctively grabbed his shoulders as we both lost balance and crashed back onto the tiny bench behind us. I landed squarely on top of him, knees on either side, my bra barely covering anything and panties definitely not built for battle.
Oh god.
Oh god oh god oh god.
I was straddling him.
And I could feel… something. Pressed right against me. And it was very much not soft.
My face went nuclear red.
"Whoa," Kieran breathed out, trying not to laugh but absolutely laughing with his eyes. "You always fall for me this hard, Princess?"
"I will end you," I hissed, trying to scramble off him without making it worse—which was impossible, because every movement just made us both feel more.
"Careful," he teased. "There's a loaded weapon involved."
"I hate you."
"You say that a lot, but you keep ending up on top of me. Mixed signals."
Before I could strangle him, the curtain rustled and the attendant's voice came, hesitant. "Um… is everything okay in there? I heard a thud."
I practically screamed internally.
Kieran didn't miss a beat. "Just helping my girlfriend with the zipper. She's a little clumsy."
I mouthed I'm going to kill you at him.
The attendant peeked in, took one look at the scene, me half-dressed, straddling a smug man like I was auditioning for a softcore drama and blinked rapidly before backing away.
"I'll just… leave you two alone. Not appropriate for couples to use the same room anyway…"
I collapsed into a mortified heap on the floor. Kieran was shaking with silent laughter.
By the time I paid for two dinner dresses and three office ones, I kept my gaze firmly on the counter, cheeks hotter than the sun.
"You alright?" Kieran whispered, his voice honeyed and smug as we left the boutique.
"I will murder you in your sleep."
"You already said that. Still alive, though."
I growled, stomping toward the grocery section.
But then I stopped, spinning on him.
"Your turn."
He blinked. "My turn?"
"You need clothes. Go pick some. Now."
He frowned. "Rocco's got it covered. I don't need—"
"Too bad. You're trying on something. I deserve revenge."
He gave me a slow grin. "Okay. But my abdomen still hurts, you know. You'd have to help me dress."
I gaped. "Absolutely not."
"Why not? We're past the shy stage now. I've bathed with your help. I've seen you pee. We're practically old couples now."
"arrrrgh."
I grabbed his arm and yanked him toward the snack aisle.
We were never talking about this again.
There was something deeply healing about standing in front of the cereal aisle. A kind of spiritual calm. A divine peace. The kind only twelve boxes of sugar-infused crunch and the promise of milk-drenched serotonin could provide.
"Oh my god," I whispered reverently, reaching for the triple chocolate fudge oat clusters. "You beautiful, beautiful thing."
I tossed it into the cart. Then another. And then, oh! A new brand of cheese instant ramen with extra thick noodles and seaweed topping.
"Get in there," I murmured, shoving it in like I was smuggling treasure.
And then came the mozzarella-filled hotdogs.
And the chocolate milk.
And—
"You planning to kill yourself with sugar or is this a donation to kids?" Kieran's voice came from behind me, all judgment and smirk wrapped in one deep, condescending tone.
I turned, arms halfway in the air, caught mid-ramen-reach.
He was staring at the contents of the cart like it had personally offended him.
"What's your problem?" I asked, clutching the hotdogs protectively to my chest. "This stuff is delicious. It would be a crime to not appreciate it."
He raised a brow. "This cart is a funeral waiting to happen."
"You're a funeral waiting to happen."
He snorted. "That doesn't even make sense."
"Neither does your face."
"Really, Princess? That's what you're going with?"
"Don't call me that."
"Still pretending to hate it are you?," he asked sweetly, snatching the cart handle from my hands. "Even though you're already grocery shopping with me like we're in a domestic drama."
I gasped. "Give it back!"
But he was already pushing it away, away from the cereal heaven, away from the shiny colorful section of joy and obesity.
"No!" I grabbed onto the side of the cart, dragging my feet like a child being taken to the dentist. "Where are you going?!"
"To the adult aisle."
"There's no such thing as an adult aisle!"
He ignored me.
Seconds later, we were standing in the land of doom: greens. Raw, cold, crunchy, judgmental vegetables.
I recoiled. "What is this? Why does it smell like suffering?"
He held up a bag of spinach. "It's called not dying before thirty."
I glared at it like it had personally declared war on my family. "I can't cook. You want me to end up setting this place on fire?"
He plucked a bell pepper off the rack, inspecting it. "Yeah, I figured after that biohazard you tried to poison me with."
I gasped. "You said it wasn't that bad!"
He didn't say anything. Just looked away, very interested in a packet of cherry tomatoes.
"Kieran."
Silence.
"KIERAN."
He cleared his throat. "I plead the fifth."
"You LIED!"
"I survived, didn't I?"
I crossed my arms and scowled. "I hope you choke on a carrot."
He smirked. "With your cooking, that's a genuine possibility."