As I entered the castle, I could see everyone crowding the hallway—professors and students alike. Excitement and happiness radiated from everyone; it was nice, but I just wasn't feeling it… the celebratory atmosphere just wasn't doing it for me…
So, I just smiled politely and continued on my way to the Great Hall, with students opening the way for me and following behind—no one said anything to me directly yet, but the loud whispers certainly didn't help…
Finally, I sat in my seat at the Great Hall, with professors to my right and left. Students were either in their seats at their house tables or just sitting on the tables—and, yes, the Weasley twins were sitting on the tables instead of the chairs.
"Ahem." I gave a fake cough to bring everyone's attention and then continued, "Okay. Now that the chatter stopped, let's start. If you have questions, you can ask them, but only after the professors are done..." I wasn't done addressing everyone in the Great Hall—but it seems Professor Flitwick couldn't hold it anymore.
"Harry, that was an excellent duel. It was exciting to watch, but why didn't you notify us before it happened? This could have turned into a very bad situation very quickly. You have to understand that we, as professors, have an obligation to protect the students here, so we need to know if there's an attack to prepare for it," Professor Flitwick said. He tried to sound reprimanding, but the excitement in his tone betrayed him—Madam Pomfrey and Professor Sprout's eyebrows twitching at his tone of voice—clearly they weren't impressed by how he was handling the situation…
"Well, Professor, I didn't know they were here until the last second when Hogwarts notified me. I was in deep meditation, so I really didn't care about anything nor did I notice anything until they arrived—I also activated the wartime wards of Hogwarts, as you all should be able to tell, so even if every wizard in the British Isles tried to break in, they wouldn't be able to—let alone Voldemort," I replied seriously. True, there was some minuscule amount of ridicule mixed in my voice at the end there, but they should be used to me doing that by now…
Another voice caught my attention, so I turned my head. "Mr. Potter, you'll be coming with me to the infirmary after this for a check-up." It was none other than Madam Pomfrey speaking with her usual no-joke tone—all I could do in response was nod.
Seriously, what kind of magic is she using?
"Anyway, let's continue with the questions while you can because I just granted entry to the always-late Aurors and the enigmatic Department of Mysteries," I said jokingly, trying to divert attention from Madam Pomfrey's words. This caused a few chuckles and prompted students to start raising their hands. There were a lot of hands.
Hmmm, let's do it like this then.
"Okay, stop. Stop… new rule: every house has three questions only—discuss them first and then ask, because if I wanted to answer everyone here, we'd still be here in the morning," I said after noticing just how many hands were raised.
This caused the students to instantly start forming circles to talk amongst themselves. I looked at the professors to see if anyone wanted to ask something. Professor Flitwick was still vibrating in his seat like a kid on a sugar rush, so I gestured for him to go ahead.
"Harry, about the wartime wards you activated—can you tell us more about them?" He seemed really excited about this, huh?
"Well, professors, there are a lot of things about the wards that will take more time than we have to explain, but I can tell you about one or two functions that are my favorites. How about it?" I said while looking at them. Professor Flitwick and the others nodded eagerly, so I continued. "Okay then, when I activated the wartime wards, the first—and obviously my favorite—is the outer barrier. Now you may wonder, why is that? It's because it's an ingenious idea and design. You see, what it does is deceptively simple: it notes where every spell cast upon it comes from, absorbs them, and breaks down their magic to charge its own and cast the only spell that's engraved into it—the 'Bombarda' spell—back at them.
This guarantees more time for preparation for the people inside and also helps to cull the number of enemies." I paused a little for dramatic effect and then continued. "The one after that is also ingenious because it redirects any and all spells cast upon it—no matter what kind—back to where they originate… I could go on and explain how it does that, but our guests have arrived."
As if on cue, the doors of the Great Hall opened, bringing to our attention Madam Bones, with the young metamorphmagus Tonks right behind her, followed by two 'three-man squads': one consisting of Mad-Eye Moody, the one I stunned last time—whose name I still don't know—and a new female Auror I was seeing for the first time; and the other squad being all young new faces…
They were followed by two men in black clothing with masks that I barely cared about…
"Welcome to Hogwarts. What can I do for you, Madam Bones and entourage?" I said sarcastically. "Oh, and please be warned that the wartime wards are still up, so any hostile movement will be met with swift eradication… No second chances." My serious warning made the frown on the faces of the old ones deepen, and the young Aurors whiten in fright—but who cares? Obviously not me.
"Mr. Potter, I would like to know why you had to duel You-Know-Who inside a school full of students. Why didn't you notify us? And just… just why?" Madam Bones' first and second questions were asked in an angry tone, followed by a frustrated one—I could see where she was coming from, so I decided not to make her job more difficult.
"Hmm, well, first of all, if you didn't even know about the hordes of wizards and dark creatures coming to Hogwarts, then the problem lies with your ministry and not with me—I, on the other hand, only noticed them when they arrived." I didn't forget to throw a jab at the ministry when I could.
"Second, why in Merlin's name would I notify you? What could you possibly do that I haven't already done more efficiently?" Throwing in some ridicule is also good…
"And lastly, Voldemort performed some kind of ritual where the winner takes all as his last-ditch effort to save himself, and I wanted a good fight without interruption, so I fought him here, in my seat of power…" Now that's just cold hard truth…
"Mr. Potter, we want to know why you felt the need to broadcast the entire fight and what kind of magic you cast in that last spell," one of the Unspeakables suddenly said, cutting off any retort that Madam Bones might have had…
"Oh, the mysterious Department of Mysteries," I said in a very obviously fake tone of amazement and wonder.
*Hmm, I need to investigate these people soon*, a quick thought passed through my head.
"So let me get this straight: you came to my castle to question me about magic I used during a battle that, as you witnessed, I had just won, without introducing who you are, what you are, where you come from, or anything?"
"Yes, Mr. Potter. This is our job," he replied. Although his tone sounded professional, the arrogance radiating from him was almost visible for anyone with eyes to see—I wanted to beat the crap out of him, but I held back—I wanted to see what he would do after I messed with him a bit.
"Hmm, well okay then. Write this down, will you?" I said with a serious tone. Now it was their turn to be caught off guard—it seemed they didn't expect me to say that—Hmmm, interesting!
Something else about them caught my eye, but I didn't have time to dwell on that now—still, they took out their notebooks and looked at me, expecting me to continue.
And so I did.
"Okay, make sure you write this correctly." I said, trying to build more tension…
"The spell's name is '*Fuckus tuu*' with an *ō* sound in the last syllable….
The incantation is '*te in malam rem agam*. And the hand movement is a sharp jab up your ass. Have you heard of it? — oh, who am I kidding? Of course you didn't!! I created it just for you—Do you want me to cast it on you? As a demonstration, you know, for observation purposes, hmmm?"
My reply sparked laughter and giggles from everywhere. I mean, what did these guys expect? That I'd actually tell him? Poor bastards.
This also caused the two Unspeakables, who were writing seriously, to freeze for a few moments before drawing their wands and pointing them at me—I wanted them to try and cast a spell so I could test how quickly they could be vaporized—it's not every day you can turn on the wartime wards.
xxx
The atmosphere in the Great Hall was mixed. While the students and some professors were giggling and laughing, amused by the situation, the Unspeakables, Aurors, and Amelia were not.
Clearly the ministry sucks away their sense of humor…
"Harry, my dear boy, even though I find this situation extremely entertaining, their concerns are valid," Professor Flitwick intervened. I looked at him, ready to retort, but then I saw the look Madam Pomfrey was giving me—I wisely decided to stop and nodded at him; I didn't want to be scolded in the middle of the Great Hall—but before I could reply, one of the Unspeakables spoke again.
"You think this is all a joke, Mr. Potter?" he said, his tone a mix of anger and disbelief. I looked at him, amused—you know, there's a reason I don't take them seriously—you'd think someone who uses a mask with a voice-changing enchantment would notice when the enchanted items they wear stopped working, but sadly no.
"What? I'm just making the most of a truly ridiculous situation, don't you think? You come to my school, start demanding explanations like you own the place when, in reality, you're still standing here because I find you amusing," I said lightly, an amused smile on my face. "If only I had a Galleon for every time someone did something stupid like this, I would be richer than the Malfoys by the end of the year."
The Unspeakables didn't say anything more. They just exchanged glances—a silent communication of sorts—before looking towards Madam Bones, who, to her credit, didn't look back at them. She just glanced at me for a few seconds before speaking.
"Don't you think this is enough, Mr. Potter? While I can appreciate a little levity, the situation at hand is very serious. You've put your life and the lives of everyone in the school at risk with this stunt." Her voice sounded serious, but even she herself didn't seem convinced by her own words—it's funny how politics works.
"Oh, Madam Bones, you hurt my feelings," I said, putting on a mock hurt expression. "I thought we had established that everything is under control here. Or are you just looking for a scapegoat to blame?" The puzzled look on my face that didn't match the serious tone of my voice seemed to throw them off a bit because I could see them awkwardly shifting in place and glancing at each other to see if one of them could pinpoint what's wrong.
"You know, if you want to blame someone, why not just fire everyone in the monitoring department? I mean, what's the use of them if they can't even notify you about an army of dark wizards and creatures marching to Hogwarts?" I said, looking at them but not giving them a chance to reply because I wasn't finished.
"And these cloaked gentlemen here, what is their job exactly? They seemed to know to come here without anyone telling them. The broadcast of the duel was only happening in Hogwarts and its immediate surroundings, so most of the population of the British Isles probably still doesn't know what happened—this means they either knew in advance or there's a hotline directly to them and not to you?—I'm starting to get confused here. What is it that you want exactly?"
"I understand, Mr. Potter, but we still need to discuss why you broadcasted the duel, the spells involved, etc. These answers are for the community, and we need to provide them with your statement." This time it was Moody speaking. He had been silent until now, but now he was chiming in. And what's this nonsense about the community?
"Fine, you want to know this stuff? I will share it with you, but only what I deem acceptable for you to know. I don't trust you with wands in your hands, let alone the spells I used," I said seriously, folding my arms and straightening my back.
"Okay, Mr. Potter, first clarify why you broadcasted the battle…" I waved my hands dismissively, cutting her off.
"You want to know why I broadcasted the duel? It's to tell everyone who watched it, including you at the Ministry—yes, you heard me right, the Ministry—that there's no need to hide and cower in fear. I and Hogwarts will always stand strong in the face of darkness; we will be here standing tall, proud, and strong in the face of danger. We will not cower or run. The spells used were just the basic new Hogwarts curriculum spells, so I am sure everyone who studies in Hogwarts will be able to use them… I myself will make sure of that…" I said, my tone serious and oh so righteous…
He wanted answers to the community, right?
This prompted a hushed discussion among the students, especially the youngest ones, who were now looking at me with renewed admiration and reverence. The adults in the room, on the other hand, bore complicated expressions, especially the professors, who knew that the new me wasn't that heroic and chivalrous.
I myself was marveling at my own ability to spin tales and bullshit.
I half expected a prompt to appear informing me of a "bullshitting" skill level up, but that never came.
There was a tense few seconds for the adults, which didn't seem to register in the minds of the students, who happily discussed what they had just heard.
I didn't want anything more to do with them; I'd had enough fun for today.
"Now, if you have more questions, please return tomorrow. The feast is ready, and I, along with the rest of Hogwarts' inhabitants, are hungry. I would invite you to stay and eat, but I have a feeling that you'll refuse," I said with finality. They seemed to finally understand that I wouldn't be giving them anything useful, so they turned around and walked out—but of course not without throwing me some nasty looks…
As the door of the Great Hall closed behind them, the atmosphere quickly returned to its festive ambiance, and I looked towards the students and said, "Now, why don't we start with your questions? Just know that you'll get only one question per house now. So make it count, and let's talk while we eat."
The sight of different kinds of food appearing on their tables, along with the yelps of some students being thrown off tables gently, was heard. Laughter ignited as students settled down on their chairs—the Great Hall quickly turned into a symphony of laughter and shouts from the students and quiet sighs from the professors.
I'll have to thank Dobby for this.
I knew he would take my request for him to act more like a Muggle butler to the extreme, but for once I'm glad he did because finally there's some variety on the food table…
He had previously told me some of his adventures and how he's learning to be a proper butler from the Muggles "in the box," which, if I understood it correctly, meant the television—the food he prepared tasted delicious, especially the pizza. However, I couldn't continue to enjoy my meal because Susan Bones raised her hand and started calling for me.
"Yes?" I said between bites, gesturing for her to ask her question with my currently unoccupied left hand.
"Harry, I heard that wartime wards take a lot of magic to activate, so I wanted to know—what will happen to the ritual you told us about now?" she asked—I noticed that most students at her table nodded their heads when they heard her question.
"What do you mean, what will happen? We are starting the ritual tomorrow night. I want everyone to be ready by eleven, and I mean everyone. We will start the ritual when the clock strikes twelve, and this will continue for twenty-four hours. True, it would have taken far less time if the wards weren't up, but it's not that big of an issue—the magic will just need a little more time to build up the required energy. So we will have to use this twenty-four hours to have everyone pump as much magic as they can into the ritual circle. This way, we can make it." I answered.
She was nodding the whole time, so I think she understood—and it's not like I'm telling the truth either. I just want them to feel very drained when the actual ritual starts so that they'll think they've earned the benefits.
"Ravenclaw, your turn. Say your name and question," I said without even looking at them. I was trying very hard—not really—to focus on their questions and the food at the same time—not true at all—I just liked the food more.
"Hello, Harry. My name is Cho Chang, and our question is: What's that shield spell you used?" she asked. Her voice sounded nervous for some reason.
I didn't look at her and continued to chew the food in my mouth. Only after I was done did I raise my head to look at her.
*Hmm, I can see why the previous me had a crush on her; she's cute*, I thought.
"Well, it's a shielding charm developed by one of the first Hogwarts headmasters. You can find everything about it, along with more variations and different shielding charms, in the library," I answered. I didn't want to tell them more. If they want it, they can go and search for it.
I continued my mission to devour my dinner and answered two more questions from Gryffindor and Slytherin. Another two questions came from professors, including McGonagall.
I didn't linger much after—as soon as I was done with my dinner—I said I'd go check the wards and left quickly.
I didn't want to go to the infirmary and hear about how reckless it is to fight a Dark Lord.
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Try my one piece FanFiction and tell me what you'd like to happen, I am open to suggestions…