While my thoughts were spiraling around different things from about my current life on different information,my thoughts soon was shaken ( Literally)
"Michael!"
A small hand shook my shoulder.
Hard. Almost violently.
I soon blinked and turned.
"Are you gonna eat the cookie or not?" Jeanne my childhood friend puffed her cheeks like an offended Tsundere girl even though she's not a tsundere. She was holding her half-eaten cookie (which she had grabbed one from me previously and now was asking more like the IRS waiting for it's Share of your salary) like it was sacred relic equivalent to a kid's ark of the covenant.
Meanwhile I soon looked down at my lunch—lovingly packed by Mom. Sandwiches with the crusts cut off,some pasta, fruit slices shaped like stars (why?), and yes… 6 little golden-brown cookies. Chocolate chip.
"Here," I sighed with a soft smile, nudging one of the cookies toward her. "You can have it."
Her eyes lit up like I'd just handed her the answer to solve all problems in life (which is money by the way).
"Michael's the BEST!" she beamed.
I felt the warmth in my chest, even if I tried to hide it.
> At least in this life, I have a few goals.
First, don't die single again. That was lame.
I had career prestige, academic credibility, and a retirement plan—but never even kissed anyone. Not once.
Yeah, kind of pathetic. But in my defense the majority of guys in my world were single so don't really blame it on me.
Second? My original dream the moment i realize i was reincarnated in a modern world —
> Become a Swiss Guard.
That one died even faster than my love life.
You might asked me why do i become a swiss guard, which I've always admired them.(Well not really since i only discovered them when i was 14) but The colors, the oaths, the halberds. The fact they're history where they stood their ground during the Sack of Rome in 1527, defending Pope Clement VII. 189 Swiss guards stood between the Pope and an imperial army of thousands.
Which the fact
Sabaton even made a song about it.
I started humming it under my breath:
> "When the Winged Hussars arrive... no wait, wrong song—"
> " In the holy see,in the home of Christianity see the power is in dan—"
Meanwhile i soon unintentionally humming the tunes
God, I loved that band.
Anyway… back to my point. Which there are multiple requirements .
To be a Swiss Guard, you have to be—well—Swiss.
> Guess what I'm not?
That's right.
> "French."
Even in the afterlife, God just had to test me.
Not with a curse, not with demons, not with eternal fire.
> But with a baguette and a side of disappointment.
"God," I thought as I watched Jeanne nibble her cookie like it was a treasure, "I know You move in mysterious ways. But could You not have shifted the map a little more east? Like 300 kilometers to the east and 50 km to south ok maybe 100 km to the south since I'm in Northern France? Is that too much to ask?"
Switzerland.
Land of chocolate,The country famous for it's Neutrality (which can be considered as Europe Cameraman or viewers on anything happening in Europe) and holy soldiers in striped pants.
Instead, I got France.
Home of bureaucracy, philosophy majors,the country that has a history of riots that you can make a history on every single riot that has happened and could feel an entire library about it,and horror at the word "productivity."
I sighed and took a bite of the second cookie.
Sweet, warm, and a little bit gooey.
> But I'll survive. Somehow.
---
Sure, I'm French now. But you know what stings even more?
> Switzerland is right there.
Like, literally next door.
We share a border. A very walkable border unlike the US Mexican border by the way.
It's not even fortified. Not visibly, anyway.
Though let's be honest, it's the Swiss.
I wouldn't be surprised if there were explosives buried under every bridge, rail line, tunnel, goat trail, and scenic overlook.
Those guys basically turned the Alps into a fortress during World War II.
If the Germans had invaded, they would've been greeted by an avalanche of C4 and cheese-flavored vengeance and the swiss would have make the struggle of the battle of Stalingrad a kid's party which the Germans would probably have lost so many soldiers and equipment for a single inch.... Ok moving on
Honestly?
They could probably survive a zombie apocalypse.
While France would probably negotiate with the zombies and unionize them if possible.
Anyway.
> That dream's dead.
Time to set a new one.
And to be fair, I've already got a head start.
I may be four, but my brain's running on adult-mode .
And my passions from my past life? Still intact.
> "When I grow up," I thought, "I'm going to be a scientist again. Physics, chemistry… and archeology. Especially archeology."
God help this world if I get near a lab again.
Lost in thought, I glanced toward Jeanne—who was now licking cookie crumbs off her fingers with the concentration of a surgeon.
"Hey, Jeanne," I asked, curious, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
She looked up at me, eyes gleaming.
"Hmm… I wanna be a baker! Or a knight! Or a nun! Or maybe… I'll just stay with you forever!"
She beamed.
My cookie nearly lodged itself in my throat.
> "Right. I forgot."
> "When you're little, you believe the world's full of sunshine and rainbows."
> "That everyone gets a happy ending. That nothing bad ever happens to good people."
> "But then… you hit puberty."
> "And suddenly, you're blessed with depression, existential dread, pressure,taxes, and the lovely addition of back pain at 25... No scratch that at 18 you probably have started gotten it especially the amount of homework that should be considered child abuse by itself when your a teenager."
Meanwhile i soon look at Jeanne who was happily nibbling the cookies i had while pretending to hide the fact she had stolen it.
But if feel bad she doesn't know how cruel the world could be. Which man life being an adult sucks
But considering She's gobbling the cookies like a chipmunk with nuts and especially with stars in her eyes.
Make me want to pet her and hugged her,and cherish her
(Nothing to see here FBI. nothing is happening ok so you can ignore what's happening)(while doing jedi mind trick)
"Alright then Jeanne" I said softly."I'll be waiting for your promise" which i soon offer her another cookie
Which she soon looks at me, smiled and then soon bit it and gobble it as if she's the cookie monster. (Which i do question sometimes if she's friends with me for friendship or my snacks , which I'm believing it's now leaning to the latter)
But atleast I'll be happy for a while.