EXT. NEW YORK–ISH CITY STREETS – LATE AFTERNOON
The Honda Ridgeline barrels down a main boulevard, swerving around traffic cones and pedestrians leaping out of the way. Sirens blare behind them—four cruisers, two unmarked units, and now... a damn helicopter overhead.
JAKE (shouting over the noise):"Alright, boys—remember how I said we were kinda screwed? Yeah. Upgrade that to oh-shit-they-just-fired-first level screwed!"
SFX: RATATATATAT
Bullets rattle off the side of the truck as officers open fire. Micah, in the back of the pickup, barely dodges one.
MICAH (snarling):"They're shootin' at us?! That's it!"
BANG BANG — Micah returns fire like a rabid dog with a Colt.
SFX: SCREECH—BOOM!
One cop car swerves into a pole trying to dodge the bullet spray.
JOHN (yelling):"Damn it, Micah! You're gonna get us all killed!"
DUTCH (sternly):"We should think like grown men, not goddamn lunatics!"
But then another shot rips through the back windshield. Dutch blinks… sighs.
DUTCH:"…Never mind. This world's gone mad."
Jake's eyes dart to a street banner whipping in the wind: "STARK INDUSTRIES CHARITY GALA – TONIGHT"
JAKE (squinting):"…wait a minute… Stark? As in Tony Stark Stark? Iron Man? Is this… no. No freaking way."
He looks left. A billboard shows Spider-Man Homecoming 3: Arachnokid Reborn, and across the street: a mural of Steve Rogers.
Jake stares, dumbfounded.
JAKE (slowly):"…I'm in the damn Marvel Universe."
ARTHUR (glancing at Jake):"You sayin' words, but none of 'em make a lick of sense."
JOHN:"The hell's a spider-man?"
JAKE (laughing nervously):"You guys just wait. This is like if Red Dead collided with Avengers Endgame and nobody brought snacks."
Another bullet smashes the side mirror.
JAKE (yelling):"SCREW IT—HOLD ON!"
He jerks the wheel HARD right and swerves into a tight alleyway marked "NO ENTRY – DELIVERIES ONLY".
MICAH (flung sideways):"You son of a—"
JOHN:"That's not a road, Jake!"
JAKE:"It is now, cowboy!"
The Ridgeline SLAMS into the alley, bouncing up and down over trash bags, concrete humps, and a broken shopping cart.
SFX: CRUNCH! SMASH! GRINDING METAL!
The truck hits a low staircase, sparks flying as the bumper tears off. Jake yells like a madman.
JAKE (grinning):"THIS IS WHY YOUR MAMA TOLD YOU TO BUCKLE UP!"
EXT. ROOFTOP – SAME TIME
A red figure perches on the edge of a building, twin katanas strapped to his back, watching the Ridgeline tear through the alley like a rabid rhino in a china shop.
He speaks into an earpiece... or maybe he's just talking to himself.
UNKNOWN MERC (ahem... Deadpool):"Well well well… if it ain't a bunch of yee-haw time travelers screwing up traffic laws. That's adorable."
He steps off the ledge and lands clean on the next rooftop, beginning his parkour chase.
DEADPOOL (still talking to no one):"Five cowboys and a truck. This is either a Tarantino sequel or the best Uber ride ever."