[INT. DEADPOOL'S SAFEHOUSE – 9:00 PM]
The place smells like gun oil, sweat, and now—oddly enough—pepperoni, garlic, and soy sauce.
The six of them sit around a scuffed table: Arthur, John, Dutch, Micah, Jake, and Deadpool. A chaotic spread of fast food is laid out—pizza boxes, chili bowls, fried chicken, and sushi. The glowing city hums faintly beyond the barricaded windows. On the wall, Deadpool's katana is jabbed straight through a takeout menu from 2022.
A knock. Everyone freezes. Hands move to weapons instinctively.
JAKE"That's just DoorDash. Chill. Not everything's a Pinkerton, guys."
He opens the door. The delivery man—mid-20s, stubble, vape pen tucked behind his ear—freezes as his brain tries to process the image: four dust-caked cowboys, one blood-red masked lunatic, and Jake in his "I'm definitely not a time traveler" shirt.
DELIVERY GUY (stammering)"...uh... did someone order the 'Apocalyptic Family Meal'?"
DEADPOOL (snatching the bag)"That's us! Thanks, Skip! Keep the change, and also this emotional trauma."
He tosses a crumpled $20 and a rubber chicken at the poor guy, who stumbles back down the hallway, mumbling something about quitting.
[INT. SAFEHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER]
The cowboys are all staring at their plates with a mix of awe and suspicion.
JOHN (chewing slowly)"This... this ain't bad."
ARTHUR (mouth full)"Tastes like beans... but fancy. Kinda... smoky."
DUTCH (carefully slicing steak)"They seasoned this like a real chef. Civilization might have lost its morals, but at least the cooks evolved."
MICAH (drinking straight from a plastic ketchup bottle)"Still no whiskey though..."
DEADPOOL (mouth packed with sushi and Cheetos)"Try this, it's raw fish wrapped in rice by someone with commitment issues."
ARTHUR (grimacing)"Hell no."
Jake, half-listening, scrolls on his phone. A text from Davis pops up:
DAVIS:
"Are you safe now? I hired someone."
Jake dials. The phone rings once... then picks up. He taps speaker.
JAKE"You're on speaker, dumbass. We're eating interdimensional KFC with a masked psychopath and four cowboy legends."
DAVIS (on phone)"Jake?! Thank God. I called a merc to pull your sorry ass out. You owe me so many beers."
DEADPOOL (waving a chicken drumstick like a mic)"Ahem. That would be me, sexy voice guy. And yes, he does. In beers, tacos, and emotional support."
DAVIS (on phone)"Wait... is that Deadpool?! You?!"
DEADPOOL"I'm a small business owner. Self-employment, baby! No taxes, no rules, lots of bullets."
The cowboys glance at each other, mildly annoyed.
ARTHUR (muttering)"Can he ever shut the hell up?"
MICAH"I say we throw him in the fridge."
JOHN"Or off the fire escape."
DEADPOOL (gasps dramatically)"You wound me! You're all so grumpy. You guys need modern vices. Anyone here tried TikTok thirst traps?"