It all started when one of the junior zookeepers left their laptop unattended near the edge of the gorilla enclosure. It was a sleek, shiny thing. Smelled faintly like cheese dust.
Naturally, Kito stole it.
He was only trying to watch videos—mostly ones of people falling down stairs or videos of people almost dieing. But after fifteen minutes of poking and swiping (and somehow deleting the weather app), Kito found something magical: Twitch.
He didn't know what Twitch was. He thought it was a seizure warning. But the button said "Go Live" and Kito, child of chaos, tapped it with confidence.
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The Stream Begins
The camera opened on a dim gorilla enclosure, sunlight pouring through the bars. In frame: a 15-year-old feral boy, shirtless, hair like a mop that lost a fight with a rake, hunched over a tablet and squinting like an old man reading a parking ticket.
Then he screamed into the mic:
> "HELLO STRANGERS ON THE MAGIC WINDOW."
People watching were understandably alarmed. One viewer donated $5 just to ask,
> "Is this a marketing stunt or is the jungle child real???"
Within five minutes, the stream had 12,000 viewers.
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Kito's Setup
Kito didn't understand overlays or webcams. His "gaming chair" was a flattened cardboard box.
He found a game—Goat Simulator—and loudly announced:
> "IMMA PLAY AS THE HORNY BEAST."
(He meant 'horned,' but the damage was done.)
As soon as the goat headbutted a fence, Kito leapt to his feet and bellowed,
> "YES. DESTROY THE METAL CAGE, BROTHER. FREEDOM."
Someone in chat typed:
> "This is either performance art or a cry for help."
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Chat Interactions
Kito quickly discovered the power of donations with messages.
> 💰 $3 from BananaLover69: "Say hi to my girlfriend!"
"HI GIRLFRIEND. DUMP HIM. HE NERDY."
> 💰 $10 from ZooKeeperReal: "WHERE DID YOU GET THIS LAPTOP???"
"IT WAS GIFTED BY THE TECH GODS. NOW I AM INTERNET."
> 💰 $20 from ChadMcFury: "Flex for us."
Kito flexed. But just one arm. The other one was picking at a scab on his knee.
"YOU GET HALF A TICKET TO THE GUN SHOW."
The chat absolutely lost it.
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The "Incident"
At one point, Kito stood up to grab a mango and forgot the camera was still rolling. Viewers were treated to a brief but crystal-clear view of his frankly absurd situation.
Someone in chat yelled:
> "MY EYES. THIS ISN'T EVEN TOS SAFE."
Another added:
"This man is packing more than my local UPS driver."
The stream was clipped, shared, blurred, unblurred, blurred again, and eventually turned into a meme:
> "Feral Gorilla Boy Outguns the Entire Internet."
Kito didn't notice. He was too busy trying to figure out why he couldn't marry the goat in Goat Simulator.
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Twitch Staff Reaction
By hour two, Twitch staff got involved. An admin DM'd the account:
> "Are you a minor? Are you in captivity? Are you in danger?"
Kito typed back,
> "YES."
Followed by:
> "BUT I AM THE DANGER."
They banned him.
But only for three days.
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The Aftermath
Kito gained 85,000 followers in one stream. He made $482 in donations. He spent it all on mangoes, plushie geese (he later bit their heads off), and a T-shirt.
A few months later, Twitch offered him a partnership deal.
He declined.
> "TOO MANY RULES. NO THROWING POO? NO DEAL."
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Closing Thoughts (From Kito)
> "I don't understand what just happened. But I want to do it again."
And he did.
The stream was shut down, and he was permanently banned.
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