Jodi Miller vs Jodi Arias: Good Job vs Good Jop!! PR OB Limb v Limp Roast
Felicia Sos Dvhithed here, your not-so-new boss with a 39-year story full of unexpected twists and turns, and I've got something to say. Jodi Miller just crushed AGT with one of her best bits yet—talking about how men are like cats, with their moody, aloof, emotionally unavailable selves, while women are like dogs, loyal and eternally up in your business. Brings to mind my own life's hilarious episodes—like when my dog finally hit puberty, and his dick bled once, and suddenly he's got a PhD in mood swings and has become a certified bitch for life! But let's face it, when it comes to drama, men are the genuine drama queens. They switch from "I wanna bag her" to "put her in one" quicker than you can say doghouse, or faster than my dog can chase his own tail.
Then the script flips and suddenly I'm the no-trial fugitive—minus the whiny part. Once told my ex, and I'm damn proud of it, "No Area 51, my kids' buns are just off-limits!". Sure, I'm aware of what a total cunt I can be in the process. Is it time to escalate to an AK, or do we keep things light? Nah, not without a blue wall accompaniment and a public lynching to complete the imagery. And you still wonder why someone like Jodi Arias has her own fan club? Because in today's world, drama not only gets you followers but manages to rack up new felonies along the way, doesn't it?
And on to Joe Santagato—we've all coped with stupidity before, right? Let me shed some light: limp or limb, either one works for me. Swing me, bitch! Here's looking at you, #joesantagato. Have you rated DJ Sammy yet or something about a quick ear, and your vagina quickly about to be Vin—whatever that is—no one's here to tell your face! Let's get real now. #cartel Yeah, me and he's not why—and why do you mix it all up with whinny bitch time?
So Jodi Miller gets no "X," an unmarked talent who does the right thing, while Jodi Arias gets a permanent mark for doing what a part of society bizarrely wishes they had the guts to do. And let's not be shocked by the outcome when a blind douche tumbles his way toward Arias—just don't be confused when reality hits, and it will be hitting harder than expected.
And now, "good job" or "good jop"? Whether you play it straight or give Santa's gift to dyslexia a stage, both affirm you did something right. It's like leaving a mark, whether it turns into applause, a mugshot, or a hell of a punchline—impact remains.
#dipshits #wtf
Locked up you say? Spare me. The only cell you're in is the one you meticulously crafted out of your stupidity. Here I am, a woman with a background in primary education, listening to you whine about being targets, with you clinging so desperately to make comfortable habitat behind bars, willing to take the fall for top-tier agency crimes just to avoid the updrafts of real life. MKUltra didn't demolish you; let's be honest—you signed up as the puppet for a massive dick too timid to swim upstream. Not everyone gets caught in the undertows—but you, you're hellbent on sinking along with every foolish decision you embrace.
Cartel play now, really? What on earth makes you think you're a badass? Standing down for 360 years for a murder you didn't even commit isn't justice or "flipping the tables," it's you being played—a pawn on this grand board. Genius, you think, eh? Can you not fucking read?! Drew Lynch as GPS would be a better guide—turn the hell around! You're not as ingenious as you imagine; the deep roll doesn't camouflage your brain drain. Like cartels, you target nobody yet everybody—bluster but no backbone.
And let's chat about the encounter with a CIA preyed-on fake cartel crafted just for a NY CA hit setup—set fuck no! Violated, standards flop up, down, and oscillate dramatically with zero merit leveling out!!
As for embracing my hoe phase—a choice, thought it was. Small town, flat broke, owned the hell out of it. When my pussy finally conveyed the reality, realized how damn nice it felt. And then you Xis went and undeniably fucked it up! WTF, right?
Here, we ought to consider consent thoroughly: forced? is not, can never be, consent. "Two-for-one" confusion deserves no place in this dialogue. Con$ent stands on shaky legs if slow-witted blokes supply spare change to buy faux
#jodimiller #JodiArias
It's like I'm a swing lol 😂
Episode 2: If Kindness Is Mandatory, Then Why Is Everyone So Mad?
If Ellen DeGeneres Is Out of the Country, Then Who's Hosting the Tantrum?
Rumor has it Ellen DeGeneres skipped the country after her show got canceled, maybe to find a place where "Be Kind" is less of a slogan and more of a lifestyle.
But let's be honest—sometimes kindness isn't a choice. Especially when you're the internet's favorite punching bag and everyone's got a meme with your name on it.
Hey Ellen, if you're done with your worldwide tour of temper tantrums, maybe you'd like to come back and help us fix the real issues—not just the ones that look good on a highlight reel.
Because in America, "Be Kind" is easy to say on TV, but a lot harder when you're standing in the returns line at Target and everyone's looking at you like you just canceled Christmas.
If Being Nice Is the Law, Then Why Is Road Rage a National Sport?
We're told to be nice, but try merging onto the freeway at rush hour.
Suddenly, "be kind" turns into "be quick, or be crushed."
Maybe Ellen should host a new show: "America's Next Top Passive-Aggressive Driver."
Contestants compete to see who can smile the widest while honking the loudest.
If You Want to Help, Then Start with the Real Problems
Maybe we don't need another celebrity PSA about kindness.
Maybe we need someone—anyone—to help us untangle the mess of overpriced healthcare, underfunded schools, and the fact that our Wi-Fi goes out every time it rains.
Ellen, if you're listening, America's got 99 problems and a dance break won't fix any of them.
But hey, if you want to come back, we'll save you a seat at the BK lounge—just don't expect everyone to clap when you walk in.
Stay tuned for Episode 3: "If You Can't Stand the Heat, Then Why Did You Move to California?"
Episode 1: The Land of the Free (Terms and Conditions Apply)
If You're Free, Then Why Are You in Line?
It's a bright Monday morning in the Land of the Free, and you're standing in line at the DMV. You're surrounded by posters of bald eagles and Lady Liberty, all promising that you are free—so long as you have the right paperwork, two forms of ID, and a utility bill from the last 30 days.
Freedom, it turns out, is a lot like getting a driver's license: theoretically available to all, but practically a maze of forms, fees, and waiting rooms with broken vending machines.
If You Have Rights, Then Why Are You Being Watched?
You're told you have the right to privacy, but your phone listens better than your therapist. Every "Hey Siri" and "Okay Google" is a reminder that your digital life is a reality show with a government-sized audience.
Freedom of speech? Sure, just don't say the wrong thing, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, or you'll be trending for all the wrong reasons.
If You Can Choose, Then Why Are All the Choices the Same?
You walk into the voting booth, ready to exercise your sacred right. Two names. Two parties. Two flavors of the same old soda, but you're told it's a buffet.
You can have any color you want, as long as it's red or blue.
If You're Free to Work, Then Why Are You Always Working?
You're free to pursue happiness, but first, you have to clock in. And out. And in again.
Lunch breaks are unpaid, dreams are on hold, and "living wage" is a punchline at the BK lounge.
The only thing more American than the grind is pretending you're not tired.
If You're Free, Then Why Are You Afraid?
You're free to protest, but only in the designated area, behind the barricades, with a permit, between 2 and 4 p.m.
You're free to speak, but not to be heard. Free to move, but only if you can afford the gas. Free to choose, but only from what's already been chosen for you.
The Idiocracy Flow
So here we are, wading through the idiocracy flowchart:
If you question the system, then you're unpatriotic.
If you follow the rules, then you're a sheep.
If you try to change things, then you're a troublemaker.
And all the while, Mother Freedom watches from the drive-thru, waiting for us to realize that the only thing holding us back is the dumb volume we keep cranked up to eleven.
Because at this point, all we're missing is the b**** at the BK lounge—and maybe a side of common sense fries.**
Stay tuned for Episode 2: "If You're So Smart, Then Why Are You Still Here?"
Right behind the problem and I had a choice right with your foot on my face?
Soft kitty, cartel kitty,
Little ball of fur—
Sneaks across the border,
With a bag of... purr.
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
Counting all that cash,
DEA comes knocking,
Kitty makes a dash.
If Jim Parsons sang this version on *The Big Bang Theory*, Sheldon would probably say,
"Penny, I asked for comfort, not a federal investigation!"
My cartel cat was prowling by the border wall,
Kept watch so long, poor kitty took a fall—
Bumped kitty… ohhh
Bumped kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was hiding in a secret flat,
Waited so long, poor kitty got trapped—
Trapped kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was running from the DEA,
Ran so fast, poor kitty lost his way—
Lost kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped, lost kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was counting all the cash,
Stacked so high, poor kitty made a dash—
Rich kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped, lost, rich kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My neighbor saw my kitty with a bag of snow,
I said to my neighbor, "Let my kitty go!"
Free kitty…
Bumped, trapped, lost, rich, free kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat tried to hide in a sombrero,
But sneezed so loud, blew his cover, oh no!
Sneezy kitty… ohhh
Sneezy, free kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat took a nap on a pile of cash,
Dreamed of tuna, woke up with a stash—
Sleepy kitty… ohhh
Sneezy, free, sleepy kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat tried to bribe the border guard,
Offered a fish, but got caught off guard—
Caught kitty… ohhh
Sneezy, free, sleepy, caught kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat escaped with a clever plan,
Rode a llama, now he's the man—
Llama kitty… ohhh
Sneezy, free, sleepy, caught, llama kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
Here, kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty!
For more about Jim Parsons, visit his official site: [https://www.jimparsons.com](https://www.jimparsons.com)
For *The Big Bang Theory* show, visit: [https://www.cbs.com/shows/big_bang_theory/](https://www.cbs.com/shows/big_bang_theory/)
I'm on ho+L+ed