Hey guys, Did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokem-
Na I'm just fucking with ya, anyway the names Peter and I'm a god.
No seriously I'm a god, specifically I'm a god of technology like the Omnissiah or the c'tan (well only one of those is actually a god and not a star vampire with the morality of a toddler high on meth) and you may ask me.
'peter isn't really the name of a god and how did you become one' I hear you thinking, well that's the funny part I'm not supposed to be a god at all but heres how it happened.
So one day I was dicking around with a particularly cool stick I found when all of a sudden the universe died, no like seriously the universe randomly collapsed in on it's self and I'm pretty sure nobody was supposed to survive because when I did and met the dick head who caused the implosion he freaked the fuck out and did that thing when you find a bug or something on you hand and desperately flick your hand to get it off.
So with a final yell of his mom's a hoe I was launched at mach Jesus into the outside. Now normally this is where somebody would meet a R.O.B or something but nope instead I smashed face first into something weird. See this thing doesn't really have a form I can describe and that may make you think of an elder god or great old one but instead it was like looking at the night sky but way, way bigger.
And that is how I met azothoth's projection and boy oh mighty was that a scare and a half to realise but after I finished freaking the fuck out and azy was done using my brain as a garbage disposal for random concepts trying to 'speak' in a way I could understand, we had a nice chat about how the fuck they are awake and how in there own name I can look onto them without suffering the big Madness.
Turns out other eldritch gods just need to get good because azy just wills that they don't want to warp realities and they don't but I'm rambling, anyway so me and azy had a chat for a couple eons which necessitated them I guess restarting my Mind and Soul a couple times (more times than there are stars in the sky before light pollution) and as our talks continued more and more power was siphoned from the big man? (Person? Thing?)
Until eventually I reached apotheosis and became a god. But I was preoccupied at that moment arguing with azy about if one piece was better than berzerk (it's not fucking fight me bitch) so when I heard the familiar voice of Raphael (from tensura I'm not even kidding) start talking in the background about finding a concept most linked to my essance I just off handedly offered my personal link to technology and how it had been more helpful than anyone or anything in my life.
Then I went back to bullying azy about their shit taste in anime and games (they thought gacha games were good and I as a reasonable man told them that they really do deserve the title of blind idiot god) it was only about 1 or 2 millennial later that I realised I wasn't a human anymore (look azy was the first positive interactions Ive had with another thinking being since I was 16 and that meant more to me than power.)
So there I was older than some planets now and about as strong as a god could get without becoming azy themselves all from absorbing and siphoning what azathoth passively emitted.
So I decided to ask azy for something I've always wanted, "Hey azy can I have access to the rest of the omniverse if I let you watch what I do through this" with a flex of will a small replica (recreation but made using godly power and made from copied parts of my body like my spine and my eye) of the golden snitch that uber and let from the parahumans series would make and use.
"ACCEPTABLE"
It took me longer than civilizations have lived for me to learn how to understand azy's speech style (it's quite similar to how entity's speak in worm fan fictions with entire conversations condensed into a single data pacted word or sentaces) but basically he agrees ont eh condition he gets to pick the universes I go to and he also slipped in a promise to not send me to any death world's till I was ready.
So with a wave and a pop that sounded like universes dying and gods fading to nothingness I was launched across the outer realms at mach afuckton and landed where I am right now as I fiddle with the snitch to get the camera to focus on this universe properly and not any other adjacent ones.
"Alright now where in all of the fuck am I" I nearly manage to get that sentence out before I hear the incrediblly recognisable and annoying sound of a tink (borderlands midgets) screaming as he flys overhead along with a very distinct sound of one specific action skill I know and love.
"Fade away" I grin as the snitch finally adjusts properly and I can start moving as I pull up the chat I made for anybody me or azy let join, and as I do I notice that some have already joined like @G0at/milf and @fav0rites0n.
"What's up my bitches and bros and non-binary hoes it's me Peter ("that's his name" is said in chat by the favorite son) back at it again and also for the first time here on " I look up and notice elpis in the sky "Pandora and imma go fuck with some vault hunters for shits and giggles" I lower my voice to a stage whisper "and hopefully less of the former."
With a grin so wide it's actually bigger than my face I 'jump' over to a tower overlooking the area I heard the fade away come from. When I land I notice that it's not just Fl4k but Moze and Zane are also there which begs the question "where is Amara" I say .ostly to myself when I notice Fl4k's head snap to where I am and I realise I hadn't put up any sneaky tech so I was just some weirdo standing on a tower starring at the vault hunters.
So with a shrug and a new grin I take a step behind a pole and take a shortcut to behind a pathetic shack Infront of the VHs.
"Wassup VH what y'all up to" the reaction was instant with Moze digistructing her iron bear and Zane's shoulder cannon snapping to aim at my head but the most amusing was fl4k as without even looking in my direction his gun was aimed at my head while his collection of animals (and the singular loader) all started making aggressive movements/growls at me.