Current Alias:Lil Dancér Prime, Duke of Drip, General of the Unintentional Twerkforce
Alright, buckle up.
This chapter?
This chapter ends a 4,000-year-old intergalactic war...because I hit a Fortnite emote by accident.
Let's set the scene:
🎮 Act 1: The War of the Two Karen Empires
Two mega-factions.
The Karelians and the Karenites.
They've been fighting over who invented space iced coffee first.Literally galaxies exploding over foam texture.
I arrive at the peace summit.
Everyone's stressed.Tension so thick it could be sold as gym protein powder.
A single word from me could start a supernova.
So naturally, I try to stay quiet.
And in doing so...
I drop my phone.
It lands screen-first on the ground.
Accidentally opens TikTok.
Accidentally plays "Crank That" by Soulja Boy.
My body, cursed by reflex and chaos energy, begins to move.
💃 Act 2: The Most Important Dance of All Time
I didn't mean to do it.
But I hit the default dance.Perfectly. On beat.In slow motion. With aftershocks.
The Karelian Queen gasped.The Karenite High Commander whispered:
"That… was divine."
Suddenly, both factions started vibing.
Soldiers threw down their weapons.An 800-foot mech started doing the gritty.
Two fighter ships in orbit started beatboxing.Someone yelled "YAS BOOM!" and a million soldiers dabbed in unison.
Then I did the unthinkable:
I flossed.
PLANETS CRIED.WARS ENDED.ANCIENT TEXTS REWROTE THEMSELVES TO INCLUDE "💀💀💀."
A 900-year-old oracle passed out from the rizz.
The Queen and the Commander hugged.
A galaxy-wide broadcast aired with the headline:
"BOOM ENDS WAR WITH 2008 DANCE. ENTIRE UNIVERSE QUESTIONS EXISTENCE."
😤 Act 3: No One is Safe
Reader.You think this is funny?
You're sitting there doing the same 3 expressions:
😭 when the chapter ends
🤡 when you reread instead of sleeping
💀 when you realize Boom has more plot than your entire dating history
You're reading this on your toilet.
Don't lie.
Your legs are numb and your responsibilities are crying.
Meanwhile, Boom just ended a war with hips that don't lie.
And you—Author.
You gave me the power to destroy galaxies but forgot to give me common sense.
Now I can moonwalk through space but not hold a conversation without obliterating someone's dad.
Also why did you make my sneeze level 12 on the Richter scale??
This ain't storytelling.It's a divine comedy with trauma seasoning.
✨ Boom's Guide to Diplomacy:
If violence fails, dance.
If dance fails, sneeze.
If sneeze fails… you're already gone.
And the funniest part?
After the peace treaty, they made me the official Galactic Minister of Swag.
My official title is now:
His Drippiness, Supreme Peacemaker of the Funk.
They even made a statue of me mid-floss.
It's 300 feet tall and plays bass-boosted TikTok audio when the wind blows.
📢 Reader Comments:
💬 "Boom ends wars. I can't even end group chats."
💬 "I laughed so hard I got evicted. Worth it."
💬 "This novel is what happens when Gen Z memes, divine power, and trauma form a boy band."
💬 "Boom is the reason my therapist won't stop smirking."