JOEY
"She wants to come home with me," I said as I dropped into the couch in my office.
Rowan looked up at me.
"That's great, man. She believes you then?" he asked, his words filled with hope.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.
Was it great?
I wasn't entirely sure. My mind went back to the moment she said those words, and how her expression had been at odds with what she said.
Regardless of how she looked though, my jaw had dropped open involuntarily.
"Oh my goodness. I…I thought I was going to have to convince you a little bit more," I had said, after managing to push past the lump in my throat.
She turned back to face me then, her lips stretched into a forced smile. But she wasn't selling the story.
Her eyes held a different tale, and I could immediately sense that her words weren't entirely true.
It broke my heart. My already fragile heart shattered under the weight of her pretense, but she was making an effort, and I loved her too much to tell her that I could see through her lie.
I loved her so much, and I had missed her to bad to tell her that even if I had no idea what she was thinking about, I still knew she wasn't ready to accept that she was my wife.
I wanted to tell her that it was okay. That she didn't need to rush into the acceptance stage. That I was willing to wait for her to come to terms with it on her own.
I wanted to tell her that I loved her so much, and that I would not mind looking after her for as long as it took. Afterall, I had been here caregiver when she was unconscious.
And she might not know it, she might not even believe it if I told her, but I would do anything for her.
But I didn't say any of those things. I took a look at her face and the fake smile, and I pushed back all of the words that was at the tip of my tongue.
Instead, I crouched down and took her hand in mine.
"That's great, Lydia. Thank you."
Then I went right ahead to check her vitals. She was doing good, but needed to be monitored closely. I also stayed to make sure that she ate too, and I tried to be as cordial as I could, but it was hard, especially given the fact that my heart was bleeding and broken.
"Earth to Joey," my best friend's voice floated into my ears It jolted me out of the slumber I had fallen into, and I shook my head to stop thinking about Lydia and how weird everything was.
"You should be happy, Joey. Your wife is back. And even if you have no idea how much you suffered when she went missing, I do. I was at the forefront. You couldn't sleep for weeks, Joey. You spent a lot of days off work without permission, and you would probably have lost your job if you hadn't been one of the best surgeon in this hospital."
A dry chuckle slipped past my lips at his words.
"You almost lost your mind, man. But she's here, broken and left with no memory, but you and I both know that that doesn't matter. All that matters is that you have her back. You can finally put those demons to rest."
Rowan's words were stated so firmly, in a matter of fact way that made me smile. He was right.
But I wasn't satisfied. So what if I had lost my mind three years ago when she went missing? So what if she was back?
I was grateful that she was here, but without her memories, I had nothing, no means to get an answer.
Her reason for leaving would always remain a secret to me, and that irked me so bad that I wanted to rewind time and ask her to her face.
But I was powerless. Useless. Of course I couldn't rewind time. There was no human on earth who could do that.
Which meant that I had no choice than to just accept my fate and continue moving on the way I had been doing for the past two years.
Besides, there was one more thing I was keeping from her. Perhaps the most important fact of all.
If she knew, I had no idea how she was going to take the news. All I was sure of was that no matter what happened, Lydia must not know about this last piece of information.
If she did, then the hope of rekindling our marriage would be dead even before it started.
"Look. I have no idea where your head is at, or why you're so lost in thought. I'll just like to remind you though, that you guys don't have to rush anything. This is a second chance. Whatever might have happened to make her leave? You can put it behind you. In fact, I think not knowing for the both of you is a good thing."
I raised my eyebrows comically at my best friend's words.
"Come on, Rowan. That's ridiculous. Of course I have to know. Not knowing is definitely not a good thing," I countered.
He shook his head.
"Look, I get your point. I absolutely understand where you're coming from. But take a look at things from another angle. What if her reason for leaving is something that is liable to break you guys up again? She left, Joey. This woman was crazy in love with you and she left. On her own. Just like that. Have you ever stopped to wonder if she was only trying to protect you?"
When he phrased his words like that, it made absolute perfect sense.
But was I still willing to be in the dark?
Would it be worth the effort to help her regain her memory, and learn why she chose to leave me three years ago?