Entry 19: Po's Cooking (Status: Possibly divine, occasionally cursed)
Tonight, I glowed. I do not know if it was joy or due to glowing food. Either way, it was real. 8.5/10.
Editing: Cried. A lot. In the morning due to a stomachache. Elder Redcheeks laughed. His rating will go down tonight. No hugs.
Sniffling and sneezing, Xiulan edited his leaf diary.
Soon, he was called out by his squirrel's friend. (He still doesn't like Elder Redcheeks.)
The squirrels had a motto.
"Dance it, or drop it."
And in the tree-hopping, nut-juggling, leaf-twirling society of the Eastern Branch Squirrel Clan, those were words to live by. Their words.
Xiulan, now an expert in understanding squirrel chittering (especially insults), found himself doing a very complicated hop-step-shimmy-roll-POSE routine on a particularly bouncy branch.
"Left paw, right toe, tail-flick, shoulder roll!" squeaked a tiny grey squirrel named Grandmaster Nut-Nib. It is said, he can hold so many nuts that your pants might drop. He once threw a nut that killed the lion king. (Never confirmed.)
"Tail-flick is not a real move!" Xiulan gasped. His butt tired of acting like a tail.
"Then die ungroovily!" screamed Nut-Nib, pelting him with acorns. Xiulan screamed but continued dancing and complaining.
The choreography was surprisingly lethal. Killed Xiulan's butt and stomachache.
Meanwhile, the spectacle of squirrel-led forest dancing was interrupted by the sound of clumsy hoeing and the shout of—
"Xiulan! You planted lettuce in a chi-drained spot again!"
Xiulan tumbled out of the tree-house like an offended cat. "I don't even like lettuce, and you only taught me how to plant carrots, Sage Brother Long-Tail!"
Standing there—shirtless, muddy, and smug—was Long-Tail, the monkey cultivator who has a long tail and had, one day, turned into a man after eating too many peach blossoms and reciting poetry in the rain. Since then, he refused to wear shirts, likes parading naked unless it was winter and called himself an 'earth elemental spiritual farmer' with deep pride. He grows things that can give you flowy-lighty energy. The blue-white one.
"Call me Master Farmer Monkey."
"I would rather eat soil." Xiulan said with a frown. "The last time I called you that, you made me work in the farm for so long that Baby Po had to place warm-skinned bird on my butt."
Despite his dramatic flair, Long-Tail really did teach Xiulan the fundamentals of farming cultivation—a rare path that combined earth element techniques, qi-channeling through the hands and feet, and letting one's spiritual root resonate with the ground. It's just he is a born child laborer and pays no wage.
Though, Xiulan took to it unnaturally well. His high yin body, deeply attuned to life cycles and spiritual flow, resulted in something absurd:
Seeds sprouted in minutes. Greens flourished in hours. He sang a song while working and vegetables danced while vines trapped him within.
Even mushrooms bowed to him.
The first time Uncle Hei ate a Xiulan-grown radish, he cried, "I had an emotion just now. Don't tell anyone." Later, Xiulan tried and cried too, it was very very bitter.
The second time, Auntie Viper fainted mid-snack, crying, "This is… heaven. Is this what love tastes like?"
Xiulan smugly took notes.
Leaf Diary – New Farming Entries
Entry 20: Squirrel Clan's Dance Class (Status: Violent)
Squirrel dances burn more calories than hunting a bear. The so-called grandmaster, Nut-Nib may be clinically insane. My tail hurts and I do not even have a tail. My butt was sacrificed.
Entry 21: Long-Tail a.k.a Shirtless Monkey Farmer (Species: Monkey/Human Hybrid, Occupation: Crop Enthusiast, don'ts: call him Master Farmer Monkey)
Teaches cultivation like a performance. Looks like a soggy novel hero. But knows his weeds. Farm plots now respond to my emotions. Grew a cabbage so spiritually powerful it made Auntie Viper cry. And later the cabbage got stolen. And Auntie viper developed a human body.
Entry 22: My Vegetables (Status: Emotionally Supportive)
They grow fast. They grow strong. They glow slightly under moonlight. When eaten, shifters report calm minds, gentle breakthroughs, and an intense craving for pickles. I may have invented a spiritual snack line. Auntie viper said she will help pickle my cabbage and raddish.
By the end of the week, Xiulan had his own field, a glowing cucumber that sang at dawn, and the respect of every squirrel in a five-mile radius. They said they can dance all day long with Nut-Nib and sing all night long with cu-cum.
Long-Tail patted him on the back. "You've got the touch."
Xiulan tilted his head. "Do farmers usually get called 'demonic saints' for growing too fast?"
"Only the good ones."
Later that evening, as Xiulan lounged under a plum tree, eating stir-fried greens that hummed with spiritual essence, he looked up at the stars and murmured:
"I used to only eat poison. Now I feed the forest.
What's next—opening a restaurant for beasts?"
In the distance, Po shouted, "I CAN COOK!"
Xiulan screamed back, "NO."
Lets let the forest beast live longer, not everybody needs poison-immunity.