Tiffany Haddish Presents: Kids Have Amnesty…SAY…What!?
Kids Sound Off: "The Grown-Up Stuff You Think We Don't Notice (But We Do)"
Inspired by the fearless humor of Tiffany Haddish. For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.
Scene: The "We Hear Everything" Roundtable
"Alright, grown-ups, you think there are topics that are too 'adult' for us. But guess what? We see, hear, and Google more than you think. So here's our take on all that stuff you whisper about, spell out, or try to hide behind closed doors. No time-outs, no lectures, just the truth from the snack squad."
1. Divorce & Breakups
Kid 1:
"You say, 'We're just taking a break,' but you've been on that break longer than my summer vacation."
Kid 2:
"If you're going to split up, just say it. We already figured it out when Dad started sleeping on the couch."
Kid 3:
"Why do grown-ups act like we can't tell when you're sad? We notice everything—even when you eat ice cream straight from the tub."
2. Losing a Job & Money Troubles
Kid 4:
"You say, 'Everything's fine,' but then you start using coupons and talking about 'cutting back.' We're not dumb."
Kid 5:
"If you lose your job, just tell us. We can handle it. We'll even help look for jobs—can I put 'good at Minecraft' on your resume?"
Kid 6:
"Money stress is like a bad smell. You can try to cover it up, but we all know it's there."
3. Addiction & Drinking
Kid 7:
"You say, 'This is grown-up juice,' but you don't fool anybody. We know what's in that cup."
Kid 8:
"If you need a drink to relax after work, maybe work is the problem, not us."
Kid 9:
"Why do you say 'don't do drugs' but then talk about needing coffee, wine, or 'mommy's little helper' every day?"
4. Mental Health & Therapy
Kid 10:
"You say, 'I'm just tired,' but sometimes you're sad or mad for no reason. It's okay to say you need help."
Kid 11:
"If you go to therapy, just say it. We all need someone to talk to—especially after family game night."
Kid 12:
"Why is it okay for adults to have bad days, but if I'm grumpy, I get sent to my room?"
5. Death & Grief
Kid 13:
"You say, 'Grandma's in a better place,' but I liked her here with us."
Kid 14:
"If you're sad, just say you're sad. We can be sad together. That's what families do."
Kid 15:
"Why do grown-ups cry in the bathroom? It's okay to cry in the living room too."
6. Cheating & Secrets
Kid 16:
"You say, 'Don't lie,' but then you whisper on the phone and say, 'Don't tell Dad.'"
Kid 17:
"If you're hiding something, we probably already know. We're like little detectives."
Kid 18:
"Secrets make everything weird. Just be honest. We can handle it."
7. Body Image & Diets
Kid 19:
"You say, 'You're perfect the way you are,' but then you complain about your own body every day."
Kid 20:
"If you don't want us to worry about looks, maybe stop calling yourself 'fat' in front of the mirror."
Kid 21:
"Why do you say 'eat your veggies' but then eat salad with a side of fries?"
8. Violence & Crime
Kid 22:
"You say, 'Don't watch scary stuff,' but then you watch the news and it's scarier than any movie."
Kid 23:
"If you want us to feel safe, maybe don't talk about robberies right before bedtime."
Kid 24:
"If something bad happens, just tell us. We can handle the truth better than scary guesses."
9. Sex & Relationships
Kid 25:
"You say, 'We'll talk about it when you're older,' but health class already told us more than you think."
Kid 26:
"If you're embarrassed, just say so. We get it. But don't act like babies come from storks. We've seen the internet."
Kid 27:
"Why do you get mad if we ask questions? Wouldn't you rather we hear it from you than from TikTok?"
10. Prejudice & Injustice
Kid 28:
"You say, 'Everyone is equal,' but then you get mad at people who are different."
Kid 29:
"If you want us to be kind, show us how. Don't just talk about it."
Kid 30:
"We notice when you lock your doors around certain people. That teaches us more than your words."
11. Grown-Up Regrets
Kid 31:
"You say, 'Follow your dreams,' but then you say you wish you'd done things differently. Why not start now?"
Kid 32:
"If you're scared to try new things, just say it. We get scared too."
Kid 33:
"Don't tell us to never give up, then give up on your own dreams."
12. The Kids' Epic Final Verdict
"We see more than you think. If you want us to trust you, trust us with the truth."
"If you're sad, scared, or worried, just say so. We're family. We can handle it together."
"Don't hide the hard stuff. Help us understand it."
"If you want us to be honest, start by being honest with us."
"And if you don't know what to say, it's okay to say that too. We'll figure it out together."
Special thanks to Tiffany Haddish for letting us say what's really on our minds (and for not telling our parents). For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.
End Scene: The snack table is still full, and the conversation just got real.