I saw it again, that blinding light interrupted by a void of darkness. I didn't know what it meant, but it called to me. Hollow, empty eyes and a voice, so hope inducing. I felt cold, then suddenly hot on repeat. My senses were confused. Was this a dream? A nightmare? That was dependent on the duration of the voices. They whispered and muttered, but my confused state made me unable to understand them. The intelligible voices started to overlap, forming one phrase. "Neele baal." What did that even mean? What did any of this mean? I was just scared, confused, panicked, and then suddenly, that familiar feeling of consciousness came back to me.
"That.... again? Really?" I thought to myself, trying to decipher what that dream could've meant, but before I could do that, I smelled something. I took a slight sniff of the air. "It smells like... sausages..." I groggily rubbed my eyes and sat up. The hunger from yesterday hit me hard, and I couldn't resist checking the source of the scent. I got off of the couch, walking at a slow pace. I could see the kitchen from where I was. This really made me realize just how tiny this place was. It might take some adjusting, since this is a rather big change from my previous life.
When I looked into the kitchen, I saw Heather cooking something. "It's still dark right now. Why is she up? Never mind that, why is she cooking?!" I thought to myself, waiting for her to recognize my presence. She just stood there, frying the sausages in the pan. Was she ignoring me on purpose?
"Ahem!" I cleared my throat, hoping to get her attention. Nothing, she just continued stirring and frying. I did it once more, a bit louder this time.
"Ahem!!!" All she did was turn her head a bit. It looked like she did that instinctively, so she had to be purposefully ignoring me.
"Uh.. good morning, Heather." I said as I walked into the kitchen, praying that she verbally replied.
"Good morning to you to Mallory." I could feel the awkwardness oozing out of this conversation. I know I said I'd be okay with it, but my God. I didn't know what to say or do. I just walked towards the fridge, trying to give myself a reason for being there other than just coming to say good morning. I opened the fridge and to my surprise, it was filled to the brim with groceries."Oh wow, did you do this, Heather?" I asked as I reached for a cartoon of milk. "Indeed. Left quite the impact on my wallet.".
Her words were delivered so monotone I couldn't tell if that was an attempt at humor or not. I forced a slight chuckle. "Haa, I could imagine." I took the milk cartoon and began to open it, avoiding eye contact entirely. I was going to ask Heather for a cup or something, but then she began to speak again. "You're covering next months groceries." Was that another attempt at comedy? Nope, not at all. Her face was colder than the fridge I had just opened. I began laughing nervously "Oh of course! It only makes sense! You cover this month, I cover the other and so on! Completely fail proof plan!"
Heather stared at me as she turned off the fire. Her face was a bit confusing to read. Like she was surprised but also amused? "I'm sorry, am I talking too much?" I nervously spat out, feeling intimated by her peircing gaze. Heather put down the spatula in her hand before she began to speak. "I didn't think you'd be the kind of person to stutter and stammer like this. Judging from your appearance." I didn't know what to say. Was that a compliment? An insult? My lack of knowledge about human interaction made me slightly annoyed. I decided to take it in a lighthearted way, giving her the benefit of the doubt that she wouldn't have negative intentions. "Hehe... Well, you know what they say! Never judge a book by its cover." I say with a bashful smile. "The appearance of someone is often a direct expression of someone's inner feelings."she responded quickly. Woah, that was the longest sentence she's said so far. I didn't know what to say in return, so I just opened my mouth and let my brain freestyle. "Right, you're so right! Well, maybe we should get to know each other then! Cause you know, sometimes what's on the outside is misinterpreted."
She took out a Styrofoam plate from the cupboard before putting some of the sausages on the plate. While she did that, I just stood there, looking stupidly eager and desperate for a reply. "I wouldn't mind." She shrugged before holding the plate out to me. "You seem like a decent enough person." I took the plate out of her hands with a smile. Is this what it feels like? A new friendship? "Yeah, you seem cool too!" I said with more enthusiasm than needed as I slipped a piece of sausage into my mouth. "Wanna grab some coffee later?" She asked, and I never felt happier. She actually wants to talk to me? To be friends with me? "I mean, I'm free today. Sure! Why not?" I tried to seem nonchalant, but deep down, I was exploding with joy. I kinda thought she hated me a little, but she actually wants to talk to me! "Alright. I'll text you the address. We'll meet there after I finish my shift." After that, she started to walk back to her room. "She didn't eat any of the food she made." I thought to myself before finishing the sausages and walking back to the my empty room.
I sat on the floor, wondering what I should do next. I didn't have anything to do today, and I couldn't risk going back out in public, at least not this soon. Then why did I agree to the coffee date? No clue. No clue at all. I guess I was too excited at making a new friend to turn down the offer, plus I look completely different now. There's no way they'd recognize me out in public even if they were actively searching for me. I grabbed my phone and began scrolling through apps, trying to distract myself and soothe my running thoughts.
"The dream... What was all that about this time? I managed to hear actual words this time, but they were...in a different language?" I thought out loud. I wanted to believe that they didn't mean anything, but I couldn't shake the feeling that those words had some kind of significant meaning. "Maybe I could translate it?" I said as I looked up the words on Google. Apparently, they meant "blue hair" in hindi. So boring and vague. Blue hair? Does this mean I should dye my hair blue or something? What was I supposed to do with that information? I shrugged it off since it seemed like it had no significant meaning. Besides, I've been having these weird dreams for most of my life, and they've rarely had significant meaning. Why would this one be any different?
"Blue hair?" I scoffed. "What are you trying to tell me? That would never go well with my style. It's way too -" My thoughts were interrupted by the loud blaring sound of a ring tone. Someone was calling me... Which is not a good sign when you just ran away from your brainwashed cultivist ex friends. I checked the caller ID and hesitated. "Caller ID unknown? Who do they take me for?" I roll my eyes, trying to excuse the internal turmoil I felt from this call. They've been calling me nonstop since I moved away, but since last month, they stopped trying. I blocked all they're numbers and I thought they decided to stop trying to contact me. I thought about changing my number or maybe buying a new phone all together after that, but I was so busy with how things have been going for the past 2 months that I didn't get the chance to process any thoughts.
My finger shivered as it hovered over the big promising green button. "Should I... give them a chance? What if it's Noah that calls me? Or maybe... It might be..." Before I could answer or hang up, the call rang out. A wave of dispair and inexplicable sadness rushed over me. "Why? Why didn't I answer?" I felt all their voices rushing back into my head in that moment. The voices that told me it was my fault. The voices that betrayed me and made me feel like dirt. My phone fell out of my hands, and I grabbed my stomach. I suddenly felt sick. It was like that day all over again. I could feel my eyes going blurry with tears. "No! It's okay! You didn't wanna talk to them anyway! You didn't want to! You didn't!" I muttered to myself, trying to console myself. I couldn't do this again. I promised myself that I would be stronger, and now I'm sobbing on the floor? Why am I sobbing? Why does that day still affect me that much? Why?...