Yuni stood under a rusty shower that dripped water the color of strong tea with a hint of rust and something suspiciously green. He winced but scrubbed with a sponge that clearly had some kind of sentient being in it—every time he tried to wash himself, it would jump up and bite his fingers.
— "Why the hell did I even agree to this?" he thought, rubbing himself with what was called "Level One Cleanser" here. The thick substance was like soap made from fear and office anxiety.
Suddenly, there was a scratching sound. The door opened, and Saeko entered the room. Without knocking. Without apologizing.
She had a file in her hands—a real paper file. In the Nexus, paper was worth its weight in gold.
"Relax, there's nothing interesting between your legs," she said in passing, raising an eyebrow. "Although, after a couple of months of practice, you might be able to summon a flow in your toilet, rather than just in your underwear."
Yuni immediately grabbed a nearby bucket and covered himself.
"What are you doing?! I'm washing!"
"I didn't come to look, I came to bring you an appointment." Saeko opened the file. "Congratulations, today is your first official blockage. Code 3A - Recurrent Density. Location: HappyCorps restrooms."
Uny blinked.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Someone in the office management has accumulated so much hypocrisy, suppressed shame and the desire to fire everyone in a row – that a whole *funnel of hypocrisy* appeared in the toilet on the third floor. If it is not cleaned – the whole floor will go under the drain.
She shoved him an amulet in the shape of a drain key and handed over a new plunger. This one was covered with symbols and seemed heavier than usual.
"This is the Special Level Cleaner. With enough effort, it can even cleanse human memories. But in your hands, it's максимум, что откроет воронку в раковине."
***
An hour later, Yuni was standing in a stall where the air was so heavy it almost seemed liquid. The toilet in front of him was... breathing. The lid was trembling, and there was a gurgling sound coming from inside, and cracks were spreading across the tiles around him.
"Okay... you can do this," he whispered to himself as he picked up the plunger. "You're not just an office drone. You're a flusher."
Rule #3: A clog is only afraid of someone who is afraid of themselves.
The phrase, displayed in green neon in the hallway, stuck in his head.
He closed his eyes. I remembered how I pretended to be happy with my life. As he said, "everything is fine" when he wanted to yell. How he laughed at a corporate party when he wanted to disappear.
Somewhere below, the pipes groaned. The flow started.
The floor beneath him glowed, as if his fear had broken through the membrane between reality and sewer clutter. Something rose from the toilet bowl. A human silhouette... in a suit. Without a face. Instead of a head, there's a KPI graph with falling arrows.
"Welcome, Washer," a hollow voice said. "You will be my new assistant for optimizing suffering..."
"NO WAY, BITCH!" shouted Uni, activating the plunger.
The plunger flared with a bright pink light. Energy flowed through the handle, and he thrust it into the chest of the KPI demon. There was a pop, and the entire figure crumbled into piles of checklists, which quickly burned away without fire.
***
Saeko was waiting for him at the exit, leaning against the wall and smoking.
"Well?"
"He was... my boss. Or my fear of being him. I... I don't know.
"It doesn't matter. You've cleared it. It's not every day someone beats the KPI on the first try." She clapped him on the shoulder. "You've got talent. Or... you've just been holding it in for a long time."
"What now?"
She threw the butt of her cigarette into the toilet, where it hissed and disappeared.
— Now we're going back. Something worse is brewing here. Blockage of the 5th grade. There ... emotions are already "wandering", It smells like a mass dismissal. Are you ready?
Yuni straightened up, clutching his plunger.
— The flushing unit is ready. Just say one thing.…
- what?
—Will we... will we ever come back?" Back? Back to the normal world?
Saeko froze for a second, her eyes darkened.
- No. She added, "But at least you have a chance to be useful here." And hit the shit first.
They stepped into another drain, and the floor dissolved under their feet again.