In the middle of the night, Aetheris lay on his bed watching an American TV show, wearing nothing but a pair of snug little shorts.
He had one leg crossed over the other and held a chilled bottle of pineapple beer in his hand.
Playing on his phone was Marvel's debut blockbuster, Iron Man.
At that moment, Tony "Sh*t-stark" was demonstrating his company's latest super missile to the U.S. military.
Tony quipped, "Those wearing wigs, hold onto your hats."
Then a cruise missile launched, splitting into countless smaller bombs that flattened a mountain dozens of kilometers away.
"Boom!"
The explosion's shockwave instantly engulfed the American military officials. Everyone stared at Tony Stark in disbelief.
"Standard procedure!"
Damn it, he pulled it off again.
"So satisfying. With the strength of a mortal, rivaling the gods!" Aetheris took a swig of the cold pineapple beer and let out a loud burp.
"Ding. God-tier Choice System activated. Binding successful?"
Suddenly, a notification popped up on his phone screen.
"Huh? Is this an ad from that bootleg streaming site? One slash, 999 damage? No, wait... isn't this the site that usually promotes that ridiculous 'Legend of Zhen' with Da Shu? And the one with 'Brother, come slash me' in 'Legend of Jia'?" Aetheris mumbled, but he still couldn't resist tapping the inquiry option on the screen.
"Please choose—"
"1. Continue watching Iron Man 1 and keep living your ordinary life. Reward: a copy of Sunflower Manual. Note: the technique will auto-cultivate."
"2. Enter the Marvel world and become Iron Man. Reward: superhuman physical strength like Captain America."
"3. Enter the Marvel world and become Black Panther. Reward: death after one year."
Upon hearing this, Aetheris winced. What kind of damned system was this? Sure, it gave him options, but what's up with the first and third? One turns him into a eunuch, the other kills him in a year—just like the actor who played Black Panther.
"Do I even have a choice here? This time, I want to be a good guy!"
"Option 2—Become Iron Man!"
At the very least, he'd live like a real man. Plus, going from a weakling who couldn't even swat a fly to having Steve Rogers' physique? The system was at a loss, and he was winning big!
"Boom!"
The phone exploded, and Aetheris's soul was sucked into the blast, entering the phone.
Just before dying, Aetheris thought, Good thing the phone exploded. I don't have to clear my browsing history anymore.
But what a shame about that full-size "Bingbing Edition" lifelike silicone doll still en route via express delivery.
Hopefully, the delivery truck explodes too.
——
Avengers Universe — Central Region
Who am I? Where am I?
Aetheris patted his head and struggled to get up from the ground.
"Mr. Sh*t-stark, run!" shouted a U.S. soldier at the wheel. But that was all he got to say.
"Bang!"
A deafening gunshot.
The soldier's head exploded like a watermelon, blown apart by an anti-materiel rifle from a distance.
Blood and brain matter splattered all over Aetheris like whipped cream.
"AAAAHHHHHH—!"
Aetheris screamed at the top of his lungs, overwhelmed by the gruesome sight.
My newly mortgaged apartment!
Damn it!
That pretty nurse I just met on a blind date—never even held her hand!
Damn it!
The civil service job I just landed!
…
Everything happened too suddenly. One moment, Aetheris was lying in bed watching Sh*t-stark show off, and the next, some so-called God-tier Choice System had transported him to a battlefield in the central region of a world thousands of miles away, right in the middle of a clash between armed forces.
"Mr. Tony Stark, get out of the car quickly! We're surrounded!" a U.S. soldier shouted as he banged on the window of the military vehicle.
Aetheris snapped back to his senses, but Tony Sh*t-stark's body, drained by wine and women, had turned into a wobbly mess. He trembled as he opened the door, climbed out of the military truck, and desperately ran behind the convoy, following the soldier.
Shells were exploding all around him. Bits of rock flew past his face, leaving bloody cuts across his cheeks. But Aetheris felt no pain. He only hated that Tony Sh*t-stark's mother hadn't given him two extra legs.
Suddenly, he remembered that if Tony kept running, he'd be blown up by a missile—one manufactured by Stark Industries itself. That explosion would lead to the arc reactor being implanted in Stark's chest.
He definitely didn't want to experience the daily torture of having palladium poison his bloodstream. After all, as valuable as the suit was, his life was even more precious. He still wanted to live a few more years.
But if he didn't run, he'd be captured by the armed organization and dragged into their cave, where he'd be forced to build weapons. Eventually, he'd only escape thanks to the scientist Yinsen sacrificing himself in a narrow chance at survival.
Aetheris didn't believe he could create a Mark I suit like that engineering geek Tony did. Without the armor, even ten Yinsens wouldn't make a difference.
"Ding. Host is detected to be in a dilemma."
"Please make a choice."
"Option 1: Keep running. Take your trusty 'Bus 11' (your legs) and sprint forward. Reward: Get blown to pieces by a Stark missile."
"Option 2: Wait in place and let the armed organization discover you. Reward: An AK-47 with unlimited ammo."
"Option 3: Surrender willingly and be taken to the enemy's base. Reward: A Mark II suit (delivered upon arrival at the base)."
Damn, do I even need to think about this? I, Tony Sh*t-stark, a proud citizen of the United States of Pretty, will never be swayed by poverty or fear.
Even in the face of brutal torture, I would never betray my roots!
So I choose to surrender to the armed organization!
Haha, smells like victory!
Aetheris, unarmed, took off his white shirt, tied it to a wooden stick, and began waving it.
"Stop! Stop! I surrender—I surrender!" Aetheris shouted with all his strength, terrified that the armed group wouldn't hear him.
Once the gunfire and explosions ceased, Aetheris felt like he couldn't hear anything anymore. His head buzzed as if it were stuffed with bees.
A group of armed men in ethnic clothing, their heads wrapped like rice dumplings, surrounded him with AK-47s, pointing and muttering among themselves as they looked at his bare chest.
"What the hell are you laughing at? Never seen a handsome guy before?" Aetheris muttered in Chinese curses under his breath, though his face remained submissive.
"I am Tony Sh*t-stark."
At once, the armed group erupted into cheers.
Their mission was precisely to capture the heir of Stark Industries—Tony Stark.
One of them jabbered into a walkie-talkie for a while, completely ignoring Aetheris's protests, then shoved a black hood over his head.
(End of Chapter)
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