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Chapter 3: "We Tried to Fail and Somehow Succeeded"
The hum of the portal faded as Aurelia Dawnmere's rusty car rolled through the long stretch of magically paved highway into regular society.
Her sunglasses were crooked. Her purple pajama shirt was still half-tucked. But she drove like a war veteran—reluctant, bitter, and completely done with everything.
In the back seat, Nico Finnikin Faelwyn and Garrick Ironhart sat in stiff, unnatural silence, dressed uncomfortably well.
Nico muttered as he watched trees turn to buildings, "This doesn't even look like society... this looks like a corporate necropolis."
The car passed people walking dogs, faces blank like their souls had been tax-audited. Nobody waved. Nobody even glanced. Just slow shuffles, glowing earpieces, and inbox notifications pinging in their heads.
"It's like they've been… downloaded," Garrick whispered.
Aurelia turned down the music and said flatly, "Welcome to my hell. I'm not getting out. You two are on your own."
She slammed the brakes in front of the glass-plated jobsite building with the sign glowing:
"WELCOME, NEW REINTEGRATION CANDIDATES."
- Sponsored by the Grandwill Employment Authority -
"Last chance to run," Aurelia said.
Nico opened the door. "We've come too far."
Garrick sighed. "If I get hired, delete my snack cache."
"Will do."
They stepped out of the car and into a world that wasn't theirs.
The city had everything the outside world had—electricity, tech, enchantments—but it all felt... wrong. Cold. Mechanized. People wore gray business robes, shoes that made no sound, and walked like they were fast-forwarding through life.
No one looked up. No one smiled.
Nico whispered, "I feel like if I sneeze too loud, someone's gonna file a report."
---
11:00 AM – Grandwill Corporate Office
The interior of the Grandwill office was painfully sterile—white tile floors, walls that hummed with motivational enchantments, and signs like:
"Work Smarter, Not With Emotion!"
"Clean Hands, Clear Mind, Corporate Future."
"Bleed Efficiency."
Nico and Garrick stood awkwardly at the front desk until a suited goat-man with square glasses trotted in from a glass office.
His hooves clicked neatly on the floor. His short tie was perfectly symmetrical.
"Good morning," he said in a smooth, overly polite tone. "I am Grandwill, your Reintegration Supervisor. You must be… Nico Faelwyn and Garrick Ironhart?"
"Uh... yeah," Nico said slowly. "That's us."
"I see," Grandwill nodded, adjusting his glasses with a hoof. "Before we get to more... refined opportunities, we place all first-returners in an entry labor position. Your initial assignment: car washing."
Garrick winced. Nico blinked. "Like, actual... cars?"
Grandwill smiled like someone who enjoyed spreadsheets too much. "Yes. You'll be using a wand-hose, vacuum crystal, and buffing enchantments. It's not difficult. Your shift starts now. Room 4C."
Nico muttered as they walked, "My dad used to work a car wash… This should be fine. Sabotage plan still in effect though, right?"
"Absolutely," Garrick nodded. "We're gonna blow this interview to the abyss."
---
Room 4C – The Car Wash Trial
It looked like a high-tech garage fused with a magical alchemy lab. Gleaming chrome. Enchanted pressure nozzles. Vacuums that whirred with sentience.
The test was simple: wash one car, buff it, dry it, and smile for the review orb.
Nico cracked his knuckles. "Okay. Time to ruin this."
First step: chaotic magic pressure wash.
He blasted the side of the car so hard it spun slightly.
"Oops."
Garrick spilled the soap rune bucket.
"Oops."
Nico vacuumed the wrong end of the car. Garrick tried waxing it and instead polished a completely different car.
They high-fived mid-buffing, messed up the enchantment timing, and Garrick somehow got his shirt caught in a rotating scrubber.
When they were finished, the car sparkled.
Perfect. Spotless. Flawless.
The side mirrors gleamed like portals to another realm. The tires looked factory new. Even the cup holders smelled of lavender.
"What," Nico whispered.
"I swear I did everything wrong," Garrick said, horrified.
Grandwill re-entered, humming. He inspected the car slowly, thoughtfully, eyes scanning every inch. Then he turned to them with a pleased smile.
"Impressive. Very impressive."
Nico's ears twitched. "...Come again?"
"You both demonstrated excellent coordination, situational improvisation, and even cross-tasking initiative. You're hired. Full week trial. Uniforms arrive tomorrow."
They stood frozen.
Hired?
"But we sabotaged it," Garrick croaked.
"I waxed a different car," Nico blurted.
Grandwill chuckled. "Yes. That level of innovation is rare among new hires. You're clearly visionary problem-solvers."
Nico and Garrick exchanged horrified looks as a smiling receptionist handed them employee ID cards.
They had succeeded by failing.
As they walked back toward the exit lobby, stunned, Nico muttered, "We're corporate now, aren't we?"
"Don't say that," Garrick hissed. "Don't curse us."
Nico looked at his badge.
"Nico Faelwyn – Team: Express Shine"
Garrick's read:
"Garrick Ironhart – Team: Interior Detailing"
They both screamed internally.
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To be continued in Chapter 4: "Orientation Day from Hell"
Where Aurelia learns she's next on the list.
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