Year 2200. ALKEN spaceship, deep in space. Two weeks before the events of Gestronio.
5 AM. Wake-up call.
Lana Kor, the squad's deputy commander, yells into the intercom, "Mediocre morning to all soldiers! If you're not prepared, write your will. Have a mediocre day!"
Steven jumps out of bed. He shares a room with Taze, who's still snoring like a tank and didn't hear a thing. Steven grabs the cymbals from the table and—CRASH—slams them together ten times in a row, right next to Taze's ear.
Taze jolts up in terror, falling out of bed.
Steven starts singing at the top of his lungs, "Ohhh, Tazey! Wake, wake, wake! Get up and start your day! Tazey! Beautiful chocolate angel!" He finishes with a dramatic opera pose.
Taze clutches his forehead like he's having a stroke. "Steven, you crazy bastard! My heart's racing at 600, I feel like I'm gonna puke on you, you son of a bitch!"
"Ahh, Taze," Steven sighs. "You make me do this every time. Didn't you hear our milf Lana? You want her to smack us again?"
Quick flashback: Lana standing over Steven, slapping him repeatedly. "This… is the… last… time… you… ignore… reveille!"
Back to the present.
"She only slapped you, man," Taze mumbles.
"True, true," Steven laughs. "Still! Come on, let's get some hot cocoa."
"Cocoa? What am I, five? I'm getting black coffee, strong, no sugar."
"Taze, you sound like a fifty-year-old plumber with a butt crack. I'll make it. Cocoa's on me."
They get dressed. Just as they reach the door, it opens. Kiara stands there, wearing nothing but pink panties and a bra, leaning against the wall. Her curves freeze them in place.
Steven and Taze stare, confused.
Kiara glares. "Steven... are you trying to get yourself hanged? Enough with the damn cymbals! I swear, tomorrow it'll be your last day if you pull that shit again." She grabs him by the shirt.
Taze scratches his head, smiling nervously. "Uhh... Kiara, why are your boobs staring at me like that?"
"AHHH! I'm gonna kill you!" she screams.
Taze jumps in between. "Alright, alright! I'll wake up before him tomorrow, okay? Sorry."
"Make sure he doesn't do it again, baby. And tell Lana to suck it. I didn't sleep all night!" Kiara turns and storms off.
Steven salutes sarcastically. "Roger that, Queen of Curves."
Taze smacks him lightly on the head. "Dude, you're insane. Why do you make everyone hate you?"
"What can I do, man? I can't help it."
An hour later...
Anna and Kimberly sit in the control room, headphones on, monitoring the galaxy.
Steven bursts in. "Good morning to the two sexiest ladies in the universe!"
Anna rolls her eyes and keeps staring at her screen. Kimberly blushes and replies, "Good morning, Steven:)."
Steven turns to Anna and blocks her view. "Annushka! Good morning!!!"
She pulls off the headphones and pins him to the wall. "Listen up! I don't know where your energy comes from, but I've had enough! I've tolerated you for years. From now on, the control room is off-limits for you. Got it?"
Her hand slightly chokes his neck. Steven smirks. "Anna, even Stalin was nicer than you. I just said good morning."
"It's not your 'good morning', dumbass. It's your attitude. The sarcasm. The immaturity! Keep it up and everyone here's gonna spit on you."
"Whatever." Steven pushes her hand off aggressively. He's a little pissed. "You know what? I'm done talking to you. Pfft. What a bitch." He turns and walks off.
Kimberly looks uncomfortable.
Anna growls. "What, I'm wrong? That guy's driving me insane!"
"Umm... I don't know... he just said good morning," Kimberly answers shyly.
"Oh, honey, you'll understand when you grow up. Now let's focus on this damn screen."
On the command bridge...
Londo, the colonel, talks to a government rep on the phone. "Yeah, we're on it. Heading to Neptune. The crew's ready. If things go south, we'll call you. Don't worry. Bye."
He mutters to himself, "Freaking pain in the ass." Then presses the intercom.
"Soldiers, we'll arrive at Neptune in a few hours. Get seated. Kiara, Taze, Steven — you're in the main battle unit. Anna and Kimberly — control room. Lana, come to the bridge. Now."
Exterior shot of the ship flying through space. Lana opens the door to the bridge abruptly.
"You called, Colonel?"
"Yeah. Round everyone up in the lobby. I need to brief them. Also, I keep hearing yelling every damn morning. Calm Steven down before I slit his throat, got it?"
"Yes, sir. Don't worry. I'll have them gathered in minutes."
Lana exits. Steven's sitting on the couch, drinking cocoa and watching TV.
Lana storms in and knocks the cup out of his hand. Hot cocoa spills all over him.
"The hell is wrong with you?!" Steven screams.
She slaps him hard. "Steven, you're lucky we're near Neptune or you'd be off the crew. Londo and Anna both filed complaints. This ends now. After this mission, you're up for dismissal. Got it?"
Steven holds his cheek, fuming. "Dismissal? What is this, a reality show? I'm your strongest fighter! What'll you do without me? Send little miss Anna to fight everyone? She's got zero combat experience. You know what? Don't touch me again. I'm serious."
Lana laughs cold and evil. "You want me to stop slapping you? Not gonna happen. And you think you're the strongest? Wanna test that?"
"You've never been in a real fight, big tits. If we fight now, you'll hit the floor."
"Hmph. Let's test that then."
Lana attacks with a flurry of kicks. Steven blocks, barely. She flips back and charges with an elbow strike. He ducks.
Londo storms in. "Lana! Was I not clear? What the hell is this?! Get everyone in the lobby. Now!"
Steven snickers. Lana looks humiliated. "Right away, sir."
Lobby of the ship.
Lana calls everyone on the intercom. They gather for Londo's briefing.
"Alright, folks, we're almost at Neptune. Cold, distant, and packed with icy monsters. They spit toxins and threaten the galaxy. Kiara, Steven, Taze — you're frontlines. Lana and I are in the cockpit for air support. Anna and Kimberly — intel room. There are around 300 of these things. No survivors allowed. Use your oxygen masks, pressure suits, and prepare. 5 hours. Understood?"
"Yes, Colonel!"
"Good. Steven, come here. The rest of you, back to your tasks."
Taze teases, "Good luck, dumbass."
Kiara smirks, "Yeah, your funeral, idiot."
Lana just grins smugly.
Steven walks over. "What is it now? More whining from Anna and Lana?"
Londo walks up slowly and punches him square in the face. BAM!
Steven hits the floor.
"After the mission, you're out," Londo says coldly. "You hear me? I found your replacement. We'll be in London in three weeks. You're done. Got it?"
"I'm out? For what?"
"For your constant sarcasm, your attitude, your immaturity. We've had enough. I can't deal with discipline, crew, and politics at once. You're a great fighter but a terrible person."
"Colonel, you're a joke. If you're kicking me out just because two women don't like me, then screw you too. You know what? I'm not even joining this mission. How about that?"
"You don't join, it's treason. I'm authorized to execute you on the spot. Understand?"
Steven thinks to himself, "Shit. He's right, that old bastard. If I bail, I'm dead. I thought I was the ultimate manipulator. Guess I'll play along a little longer."
Aloud: "Fine. I'll be on intel. Send Anna instead."
Londo laughs cruelly. "You serious? You want another punch? Get ready for the mission. Now. Dismissed."
Steven walks away, muttering, "Goddammit."
Girls' room.
Kiara suits up. Anna's searching for her perfume.
"Kiara, where's my perfume? I smell like death."
"Baby, you don't smell. You reek. Perfume won't help. Go shower, now."
"Shut up! I don't have time. I need to get back to the intel room."
"Here, take mine."
"Ew, yours smells like a strip club."
"How'd you know? :)"
"Screw it. I'll ask Kimberly. Bye."
Anna rushes out. Kiara mumbles to herself, "Ugh. This suit's too tight on my chest. Every move I make, my boobs are screaming for attention. Oh well, at least the ice monsters will die with boners."
5 hours later…
The crew is in full readiness. They arrive at Neptune. The goal: kill everything. No survivors.
Kiara, Steven, and Taze launch from the bottom hatch, flying through the atmosphere.
Kiara yells, "Don't screw up! Let's show them who's sexy!"
Steven replies, "Obviously me, right?"
Kiara laughs, "In your wet dreams, loser!"
Taze stays silent, focused.
They land. The monsters are waiting.
Steven shouts, "Here we go! It's on!"
End of Chapter. To be continued.