If there was one thing Kazuki didn't expect to deal with after helping undead skeletons unionize, it was divine labor laws.
And yet, here they were.
A radiant clipboard hovered midair. Celestial documents scrolled endlessly. A divine intern wept quietly in the clouds above.
The minor god—who introduced himself as Jiko-sama, the Heavenly Bureaucrat of Balance—sat cross-legged on a hovering office chair made of compressed divine forms and gently steaming peppermint tea.
"Let's begin your audit," he said in a kind, soul-splitting voice that made Kazuki instantly sweat.
Kazuki, Hero of Accidents… Audited
"I'm sorry, is this… about the skeletons?" Kazuki asked as he handed Jiko-sama a cup of tea (mildly cursed, accidentally brewed with undead root herbs).
"Yes," the god replied, sipping the tea and glowing faintly. "And also… everything else."
He pulled out a glittering scroll that unraveled past the horizon.
It read:
Accidentally defeated a Bone Wyrm using his own shoes.
Overthrew a corrupt guildmaster by sneezing on a magic contract.
Caused four rival kingdoms to sign a peace treaty by sleepwalking through a war camp.
Invented a dance that reversed a minor plague.
Inspired a slime cult. (Still pending investigation.)
Smile jiggled innocently nearby. Taka held up a sign that read: "We Tried To Warn Him."
"I—" Kazuki blinked. "Is that last one even real?!"
Smile produced a pamphlet: "The Way of the Smile: Volume 1—Jiggling With Purpose."
Kazuki facepalmed.
Meanwhile, in the Tomb Courtyard…
The newly formed skeleton band—Bonefire Requiem—was rehearsing their debut track: "Rattle 'Em All."
Mimi tap-danced sparks, Crackjaw shredded a jawbone guitar, and Spinoza conducted with a femur.
But a cloaked figure stood just outside their range of joy, his fists clenched.
Aurelis.
He glared at the musical skeletons, then at Kazuki sipping tea with a literal god.
"This idiot…" he growled. "Everywhere he goes, he turns nonsense into miracles!"
His fist glowed with Textbook Heroic Fire Affinity™.
He turned to his steed—a glittering wolf-dragon hybrid—mounted up, and pointed toward the tomb.
"No more waiting. We settle this. I'll prove to the world I'm the TRUE Chosen Hero."
The Audit Deepens
Back at the audit zone:
Jiko-sama blinked with twelve eyes (don't ask), examining Kazuki's Heroic Impact Report.
"You have created eight world-altering events," the god murmured, "six of which were due to tripping, and two of which involved jam."
Kazuki raised a hand. "That one with the jam was technically Smile's fault."
Smile jiggled in protest.
The god paused. "Regardless, your fate-weaving score is off the divine charts. Most Chosen Heroes train for decades. You have not even enrolled in a single official class. And yet…"
He floated higher. "Reality has begun to bend around you. Do you understand what that means?"
Kazuki thought for a moment. "Uhh… people think I'm cheating?"
"…Yes."
Suddenly: A Very Textbook Entrance
The ground cracked.
A golden beam split the clouds.
Aurelis descended in a swirl of wind and pride, his sword gleaming with divine flame.
"Step away from him, Jiko-sama," Aurelis said, voice righteous enough to make five pigeons convert to heroism.
"I challenge Kazuki Kirigawa… to a Heroic Duel."
A hush fell.
Skeletons dropped instruments.
Smile stopped jiggling.
Even Jiko-sama paused mid-sip.
Kazuki blinked. "Wait, me?"
"Yes!" Aurelis shouted. "For the honor of all true heroes! You've made a mockery of prophecy! Of sacred training! You make divine accidents look like strategy!"
Kazuki rubbed the back of his neck. "To be fair, most of that was Smile…"
Smile pulled out popcorn.
To Duel or Not to Duel?
Kazuki turned to Jiko-sama. "Am I allowed to duel during an audit?"
The god consulted a floating rulebook that sighed when opened.
"…Only if both parties sign the proper form and the duel is emotionally honest."
Aurelis held up a completed form.
Kazuki held up a smiley sticker and a half-eaten meat bun.
"…Fine," the god muttered, "It's approved."