I had one goal today.
Avoid eye contact with every girl in school.
Simple, right?
No flirting. No smirking. No commenting on anyone's thighs, boobs, lips, hair, smile, or the way their uniform hugs their body like a jealous boyfriend.
I was going to make it through the whole day without causing a single romantic misunderstanding.
Spoiler alert: I failed in under seven minutes.
Let me explain.
It all started during lunch.
I was sitting alone on the rooftop, eating convenience store sushi like the broken man I am, contemplating whether I could transfer schools, countries, or universes.
That's when I heard it.
Sniffling.
Someone crying behind the stairwell door.
Normally, I'd leave that crap alone.
But unfortunately, being a decent human being is my new thing, and apparently "ignoring sad girls" is frowned upon in society.
So I peeked around the corner.
And there she was.
Nanase Mio.
Soft brown hair. Quiet girl vibes. Vice president of the student council. The type of girl who gives stray cats names and says "ara ara" when surprised.
Also?
Canonically heartbroken in Chapter 8 of the manga, when her boyfriend dumps her after seeing her hanging out with me.
Guess where we are in the story?
Chapter. Freaking. 8.
"Oh no," I whispered.
She turned, startled. "K-Kazuki-kun?!"
Abort. Retreat. Go limp and play dead like a possum.
Too late.
She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "What are you doing here?"
I shrugged, trying to look harmless. Like a raccoon in a sweater vest.
"Just eating bad sushi and contemplating the futility of free will. You?"
"…I just needed some air."
Liar.
She was crying. Her voice was shaking. Her mascara was one emotional sneeze away from becoming war paint.
I sat down a few feet away. Not close enough to trigger flags. Just close enough to not look like I was judging from a distance.
"Wanna talk about it?"
She hesitated.
Then it all came out in a rush.
"My boyfriend broke up with me… He said I wasn't being honest with him. That I always act too perfect. That he felt like I was pretending to be someone else…"
Yikes.
That's rough, buddy.
I nodded like a therapist who definitely wasn't qualified.
"He sounds like a dick," I offered helpfully.
She blinked at me. "I mean… maybe. I don't know. I just… I feel like I don't know who I am without trying to please everyone."
She looked down at her hands. "Maybe he's right."
"Nope," I said instantly. "He's wrong. You're awesome."
Damn it.
Why did that sound so sincere?
She looked up at me, eyes wide.
Panic.
Backpedal.
"Uh—I mean, not awesome-awesome. Just like… you know. Respectable. In a very platonic, non-girlfriend-stealing way."
Nailed it.
She stared at me for a long second.
Then she laughed. A soft, surprised laugh. Like it slipped out before she could stop it.
"I've never heard you talk like this before," she said.
"Yeah, well, I'm turning over a new leaf. A redemption arc, if you will. From sleaze to… slightly less sleaze."
She wiped her eyes again. "Thanks, Kazuki-kun. You're… nicer than I thought."
There it was.
The Look.
The look that says "maybe you're not so bad."
The look that precedes bad decisions and worse fanservice.
"No problem," I said, standing up. "Anyway, I should go before someone sees us together and your next boyfriend dumps you via emoji."
She stood up too. And then—
AND THEN—
She tripped.
I shit you not, she TRIPPED.
On the one thing in this whole rooftop: a tiny crack in the concrete.
Like fate wanted this to happen.
She stumbled forward, arms flailing.
I caught her.
Because apparently my reflexes are maxed out in this cursed body.
One hand around her waist.
One hand on her back.
Her face an inch from mine.
Internal monologue: "Don't say anything. Don't breathe. Don't move. Just let go and walk away, you sexy disaster."
"Kazuki-kun…" she whispered.
NOPE.
I released her like she was radioactive.
"Okay! That's enough rooftop trauma for one day!" I shouted, practically cartwheeling backward.
"You're fine! We're fine! Everything's fine! Bye!"
And I ran.
Again.
I need to install an escape hatch on every school building just for moments like these.
I thought I was safe until sixth period.
That's when Yuna cornered me in the hallway.
"Hey! Kazuki-kun!" she said, smiling too brightly.
Crap.
Too loud. Too public. Too pink in the cheeks.
Behind her?
Itsuki. Her boyfriend.
Watching.
Always watching.
I was going to die. Not from murder—no. I was going to be emotionally assassinated by the world's kindest protagonist.
"What's up, Yuna?" I asked, carefully not looking at her face or chest or legs or anywhere that could be weaponized against me in court.
"I heard from Mio-chan," she said. "She told me you helped her today."
Oh. Good.
So the story is already making its rounds.
I bet the next rumor is I comforted her with my tongue.
"She was upset," I said. "I just… listened. That's all."
Yuna tilted her head. "That's really sweet of you. I didn't think you were the type."
ITSUKI IS RIGHT THERE, WOMAN.
"Let's not spread that around," I said, laughing nervously. "I've got a reputation to ruin."
Too late.
Itsuki walked up.
His face was calm.
His aura?
Jealousy-flavored murder.
"Hey, Kazuki," he said. "Can we talk?"
A thousand possible outcomes flashed before my eyes.
Most involved me getting punched.
Some involved crying.
All of them ended with me alone under a bridge.
"Sure," I said. "Let's bro it out."
He led me to the courtyard. No one else around.
Then he turned and said the thing I feared most.
"I know what kind of guy you are."
Yikes.
"Kazuki from a few weeks ago?" I said.
"Total scumbag. Would've hit on your mom at your birthday party. But me? I'm different. Enlightened. Practically celibate."
He didn't smile.
"Yuna's been acting weird," he said. "Since you fainted. Since she started talking about you more."
Oh god. Oh no. This was it.
He was going to confess.
"I'm trying to trust her," he said, clenching his fists.
"But if you're messing with her—"
"I'm not," I cut in. "Seriously. I'm not trying to take anything from you."
Except maybe your screen time and emotional stability, but that's not intentional.
He stared at me for a second.
Then he nodded.
"…Fine."
And walked away.
I collapsed onto a bench.
That was too close.
Way too close.
But maybe… just maybe…
I was finally breaking free.
No more misunderstandings.
No more boobs to the face.
No more accidental girlfriend-stealing.
Maybe I could actually survive this story.
…
…
The school nurse tripped and landed on me during seventh period.
God help me.