"Once you conjure Light, you suddenly realize it is not needed: the candles on the walls light up, one by one, illuminating the wide-open hallway with two ladders leading upwards, to a second floor."
I, as well as 3 of my friends, including a DM, sit around a table. The bi-weekly D&D Session is what truly helps me relax, perhaps even more than watching shows or grinding for EXP in various games. Although, it is simply because I am here with people I enjoy being accompanied by. If there's a troll in a party, it all devolves into a farce. Speaking of that, Michael remembered quite a story:
"Damn, it reminded me of that one guy who ruined another game I played."
"Eh? Elaborate, you haven't told about that one", says Emma.
"Well, while you 3 were busy with work", explains Michael, "I joined a newbie party as a player. Dungeon Master seemed nice, and everything went fine, but one of players... for the sake of privacy, let's call him 'John Anime'..."
We all burst into laughter. Yeah, weebs can be even more detrimental for D&D than outright trolls... and it comes from a person who does watch anime!
"So, that John Anime, playing an Oathbreaker Paladin..."
"Ah, I was expecting a Hex blade!", said Henry, DM in our session.
"Khm. He was playing an Oathbreaker, and was trying to be a 'main character' of that story as much as he could. The guy was even caught outright cheating with his sheets a few times!"
"And he wasn't booted?", I ask
"Nope! He was a friend of the DM, so he let it all slide, even though not allowing to cheat. What he did allow, though..."
Making a pause, Michael looked at me and sighed. How could it relate to me in any-
"The character of John Anime was from another world."
Ah.
"And... I assume the rest also was from another world?", asks Emma.
"No, only John Anime was. He was a 'chosen one', who also tried to seduce like every single female NPC he met. Well, maybe not every single one, but... he did try it a lot. And some people think Bards are the ones doing that! Granted, he wasn't successful, his charisma stat was low as heck."
Ah. Of course.
"Did he have like any special powers?"
"Yes! Dungeon Master allowed him for some stupid homebrew without warning the rest of us!"
Ah. Of course. He wanted to be a...
"...generic overpowered Isekai protagonist with a harem!"
I hit the table with an open palm and the rest of the group glance at me. Not that they didn't expect it. They all know my disdain for that... genre of... literature, but god damn it! Without realizing, I start talking aloud:
"Every single story is the same! A random guy who was 'average' – sometimes had a bad life – suddenly gets summoned to another world where they are an overpowered Mary Sue chosen hero who has an oversized sword, harem of XXL cup size girls who can't do anything but hype the main character up, and has no problems or conflict throughout the entirety of the story!"
"Jeez, Kyle, I knew you'd explode, but there's no reason to shout. You'll wake up elderly couple the floor above and get the police called on us."
Yeah, Henry is right. It is about 11:30 PM, I shouldn't be loud. But still, how could one even make such a character?!
"He~ey, Ky," said Emma clearly teasing me, "If you were to be Isekai'ed, would you not gather a harem?"
"Oh, if I were to be reborn in another world, or summoned, or whatever, I would just say 'f**k it', and would become some kind of background character. 'I wassummoned to be a hero, but instead I became a baker and do not care about anything', how's that for a novel title?"
"Nah, I bet you would be summoned as a party's janitor!", said Michael.
"Or a healer!", supported Henry.
"Yeah, very funny, guys. You know I don't play a healer."
"Ah, right, forgot that you always play a Rogue with a tragic backstory, totally not an 'edgy main character'!"
"Eh, go to hell Mike! Rogues are objectively cool!"
"Come on, you know we're just pulling your leg."
We all laughed. All four of us do not like that kind of characters, and people who find them "interesting", even though nobody has such a burning hatred as a I am. But it is justified, my whole novel websites feed is clogged by Isekai slop! Can't even find something good over piles of garbage! Of course, there are good example... like, 1, or 2, but this is minority! Eh, no reason to rant about it. Especially in my head.
"I wouldn't even get Isekai'ed, realistically saying. Most Isekai protagonists are nerds and hikkas who do not like their life, and also usually high schoolers or university students. But look at me, I am 28 years old, have a stable job, and I like the life I am living! I wouldn't trade it what I have now no matter how many beauties or overpowered abilities were offered to me."
Some may find it strange how a lot of Isekai protagonists at first want to get back home when they are objectively "cooler" in their new life, but... I understand them. If I were to suddenly lose all I have right now, my friends, my job, my parents who need me... I would try to come back no matter what.
We then proceeded with our session. It was fun, but we had to say bye to each other in the middle of a combat – it was getting too late, and most of us have work tomorrow morning. I may not like my job all that much, but at least it is not overly hard, I am not overworked, it is stable and I have a decent pay. The weekdays start tomorrow, so I decided it will be the best to go to bed as soon as I reached my home... at least, it is what I hoped for.
As soon as I close the door to my flat and sigh, the room was overflown with light blue, golden and green lights, making me shut my eyes. When I finally got it in me to open them just a little bit, I realized that on the floor and ceiling, below and above me, layered magical circles appeared. Perhaps, some would be excited, or afraid, or confused, but I have seen it enough in the mediocre shows in novels, so the only words it got out of my throat is...
"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!"
Finally, colorful light overwhelms my vision, leaving only pure white abyss in front of my eyes. I can't see anything, but I feel like some energy engulfs me, as if gravity is trying to crush my body. I feel like I could vomit at any moment!... if my mouth could open, that is. I can't move a muscle, my body paralyzed. Unfortunately for me, my brain is not, so I can still thing, just hoping for that pain to end... and thinking.
Why me?! Out of all people, there are countless better individuals to get this treatment! I do not want to lose what I am forced to leave behind! I do not even want to be an overpowered hero! Just take away all the stupid power fantasy, take away strength, but send me back, I swear to-
Pain is no more, and my vision returns. I am standing in a magic circle, surrounded by people in white robes, with colorful energy flowing around them. Sweat is clearly visible on their faces, looks like whatever they were just doing took them a lot of strength. It still rings in my ears after this strange transmigration, so I can't hear a thing.
Beside them, there are 3 people... and just looking at them makes me mad. There is a boy around age of 20, in white, blue and golden rich clothes, with a sword behind his back. His golden hair and handsome face just radiate "look at me, I am the chosen one!"... but we all know I am the chosen one here, it was me was summoned here, after all. The second person – the young woman, around the swordsman's age. Red-headed elf. Oh my god, I really was summoned to the most generic fantasy world ever. I mean, what could I expect, considering she is wearing the most basic, common and clichéd red-and-blue witch outfit. I bet she could stake a vampire with that hat! The 3rd guy... short, stacked, bearded. Yep, that's a dwarf alright. He wears a beige hooded cloak and has a few daggers on his belt... a dwarf Rogue? For real?
Finally, my vision clears enough to see the surrounding. It seems like I am in... gothic church? Large stained-glass casts an image of woman holding a sphere as a child over my, the circle, the robed figures and 3 adventurer-looking types. My head may be playing tricks on me, but I could gather that the ceiling is at least 50 meters away from the floor. I can only imagine how this building looks from the outside. Actually, it is quite easy to imagine. I bet it is the most normal gothic church ever with nothing special.
"...hear us?"
Finally, ringing in my ears starts to fade and I hear the fragments on voices.
"Can you hear us?"
I turn my head to who speaks – it is one of the people in white robes, who stepped forward. You cannot picture more average "fantasy sage" – it is an old man with long white beard that reaches to his chest, with weary and kind eyes, who has some strange symbol on a medallion he wears. A 2D geometrical model of a cube inside of a triangle. Or, perhaps, a pyramid. Symbol of this world's dominant religion, maybe? Wait, why am I spacing out thinking of such unimportant thing?!
"Yeah, I can hear you clear and loud! What the hell was it?!"
I swing my hand to the side as I finally stand straight, unrestricted by that weird "gravity". I can't exactly see my face, but I bet my expression is far from friendly, awed or happy. I can physically feel the stunned look of robed figures and supposed adventurers. Oh, I sure bet they didn't expect the "chosen one" to be unhappy to become the main character!
"Uhm...", starts the "sage", as he suddenly pulls a piece of paper from insides of his robe and reads its contents to me, "You were summoned in the darkest hour, when the lord of demons is rising to their former power! You need to..."
The audacity! He didn't even bother to memorize the text! Despite it being so boring and clichéd that I almost fell asleep! No, I need to interrupt him!
"Ah, of course! You need a hero to save you all! So, you yoink a complete random stranger from another world, bestow cheat abilities to him and hope he solves all of your problems! Well, guess what!"
I take a step forward and point to the old man. Thankfully, he is a bit shorter than me.
"I am NOT having it!"
The crowd starts to whisper among each other. 3 adventurer-looking people stare at me with mix of disappointment, disdain and confusion. Finally, the "sage" speaks up:
"You... you misunderstood us, the legendary Harmony Adept! Y-you were not summoned as a hero..."
Huh?...
"The Hero is right there!"
He points to the guy with the sword-wielding guy. Huh?!
"Hero Alaric needed a healer, so we summoned the Harmony Adept of legends! You!"
Needed a... healer?... HUH?!