"Sarah help me get dressed"
"My lady you need to rest, please"
I stroke her hair gently. I always loved Sarah's silky black hair. It was straight and always reminded me of a dark nightfall with stars.
"I want to have breakfast with everyone today" I need to be proactive. My first step would be to act cutely and make my family fall for me. I can't give up.
Walking down the hallway to the dining area, my heart thumps so loudly I can hear it clear in my ears. 'No need to be so nervous, it's just breakfast' Sarah opens the door and I step in
" good morning father, mother and brother. Hope you all slept well" my heart was thumping as I walked slowly in silence to my seat. It's okay I wasn't expecting them to warm up to me instantly. I just have to keep trying 'no regrets'
Breakfast was eaten in silence, not a single word uttered. It made my insides churn and I felt like i was going to throw up.
"Clarisa" it was a low bellow, it sounded gritty like saying the name was a pain. I looked up to father, his blond hair was mixed with grey, his face was in a scowl like talking to me was painful. His fist clench around the knife and fork like they were the only things keeping him sane. He looked down as he continued his meal.
" a carriage will be coming for you later today...."
My heart started to beat louder ' a carriage' is he finally getting rid of me? Am I being sold? Why? i did nothing wrong. I must have missed what he said after that as my head kept spinning
"The engagement will be held when you turn 12, so for now you will act as his playmate till then"
" father please I don't want to do this. I love you, if don't want to get engaged.I want to stay with everyone in this family longer" with shaky breaths and eyes glued to the ground i chimed I'm softly.
"Clarisa" it hear a loud slam and a scream that reminded me of my place.
Stay quiet like you are dead and only say yes to my commands. Those were the words of my father.
"I will forgive you for the nonsense you just said, you better not disappoint me" the door creaks open and slams shut.
It was silent, but it was loud at the same time I couldn't breathe, as i felt like I was going to throw up. Engagement to who. I'm just 6 years old. I was waiting for mother or even brother to speak but they said nothing.
I looked up and mother's face looked like she couldnt be bothered, as she continued to eat her meal and brother just looked away uncomfortably continuing to avoid my eyes.
It slowly sunk in I'll never fit in here, 'no regrets?' I think I'll have more regrets if I try to force them to love me.
I give up! I felt my eyes well up as I sat there hoping I would wake up from this nightmare. What's the point of having memories of the past if it's extremely useless. This is my reality. I've truly been disposed and abandoned in hell.
I don't remember how I got back to my room but when I opened my eyes next, I was in my room getting dressed and ready for my play date. I felt sick, I wished I'd just wake up and realize this was a nightmare. I knew the count hated me but how could he sell his only daughter?
"My lady" i was suddenly brought back to reality
"You look so pale my lady. Maybe we should ask his lordship to move the play date with the prince to another day"
"Play date with th.. the... prince"
Kneeling so she could be eye level with me Sarah holds my hands gently with a bittersweet smile.
"My lady i know I may sound silly, but to me you are like a sister. I want the best for you. This is the first time his lordship is letting you leave the manor alone. So I hope you can be happy even if it's for a short time"
So it's a prince. Maybe...just maybe he could save me. If he is my betrothed and we get along, I could open up to him about the count continued abuse, i could also plead with him to ask the emperor to save me.
I know this is but a pitiful plight but right now....right now i need to hold on to whatever delusions I can or else I'll lose my sanity.
There is no love or space for me in this family. So maybe it could be like an adoption novel where i get saved by a family that will love me to the end.
I sigh, take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves. I have only one chance at this. I need to make a great first impression that's the only way for things to turn out well.
The carriage wobbled and shook all the way to the palace, i could barely enjoy the scenery outside the window as I had to stop myself from throwing up all the way there.
Led down a very long hallway, we stopped by a large door that led to an outside garden.
Sarah was asked to stand outside as i was led in by the prince's attendant. A boy stood there with blond hair and blue eyes. He looked to be about 8 years old. He was wearing a white official robe as he stared me down with a frown.
"Greeting your highness, lady clarisa dumont from count dumont family greets the small sun of the empire" with a bow that had been ingrained in my soul by my etiquette teacher baroness Sally, I pray silently that my honesty reaches him.
The prince took small strides towards me, as his legs came into view. I couldn't say anything or lift my head till he acknowledged me, so I just stood there head down waiting on him.
" i hate you" i lifted up my head in shock as I came face to face with a face with with a mix of hate and resentment. His icy blue eyes filled with a mix of hate, annoyance and despair
" your highness you cannot say that, apologies my lady, his highness must be in a bad mood" his attendant tried to remedy the mood but I could tell. Those icy eyes were filled with so much hate that i could feel it.
" i hate you so much, I'll never marry you" he took off running into the gardens. I watch frozen as his attendant apologized and took off after him. In mere minutes I was left standing alone in this beautiful garden filled with color, but all I could see was blue and grey.
The prince never returned, i was told that I should take some time exploring the prince's palace. And somehow I ended up in the library.
Art, history, literature, politics, economics, fairytale.....
The library was astonishing with tall shelves filled with books beyond imagination. And it had a window with an amazing veiw of the garden, with a table and chair facing directly at it.
"I could get lost just being here."
Just walking through the library, and it caught my eye ' magic transcendent 1'. It looked old and forgotten like it was never meant to be seen by people. It was placed on the lowest shelf, as if to hide it from the eyes of those who wander in . 'An abomination just like me'
"You must have been abandoned too" i stroke the book wiping the dust off it.
Settling down on the chair but the window, i decided to read the book so one of us knows what it means to be remembered.