I feel for Tsunade, but who's going to cut *me* some slack?
Kei Yamanaka watched as Tsunade kicked off her high heels, walked barefoot to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of sake, and began sipping casually while urging his shadow clone to hurry up with dinner. Kei couldn't help but feel like his life had taken a surreal twist.
Is this really his house?
Then why does Tsunade seem so completely at home sitting at the dining table ordering his clone around?
The shadow clone glanced at Kei behind Tsunade, completely bewildered.
He secretly suspected that something must have happened while his real self and Tsunade went together to Konoha Hospital.
Otherwise, how could Tsunade suddenly be on such familiar terms with Jiraiya—practically calling him "bro"?
Well, maybe not exactly brothers—more like unusually close friends.
"Original body, you come here."
Unable to figure it out, the shadow clone decisively gave up trying to make sense of it all and immediately dispersed into a puff of chakra smoke.
"What would Lady Tsunade like to eat?"
Kurenai's little head popped out from the kitchen, her gemstone-like eyes sparkling with pure admiration.
With an idolization stronger than Tsunade's stubbornness, Kurenai thought Tsunade was bold and generous—truly deserving of the title of Konoha's top kunoichi!
"What Kushina eats at noon is what I'll eat."
Tsunade rested one cheek in her hand while casually shaking the sake bottle she held, tossing the decision straight to Kei.
This guy might be shameless and cold-hearted, but at least he treated Kushina decently.
She didn't believe this guy would actually serve Kushina anything completely inedible.
"Not so fast—did you even pay for lunch?!"
Kei rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Tch~ Later I'll show you my great-grandfather's Water Release techniques scrolls, just make the food first."
Tsunade waved him off casually.
The perfect example of "selling the family farm without blinking."
"Wait! Oh great Lady please wait a moment!"
Kei instantly changed expression like a theatrical mask.
In front of the stunned expressions of Might Guy and Genma Shiranami, he wordlessly grabbed an apron and dove straight into the kitchen.
Tobirama Senju—the man famously said to have made a pact with the sea itself.
When someone brought out Sea Release techniques, how many Water Release users could keep their composure?
His original techniques like [Water Release: Water Severing Slash], [Water Release: Heavenly Weeping], [Water Release: Hard Cursed Water Ring Blade]... each was incredibly powerful and highly practical.
Even though Kei had spent five years in the Analysis Team and seen countless Water Release jutsu,
could they really rival Tobirama Senju's life's work?
Once he mastered Tobirama's techniques...
Having inherited the legacies of both the Second Mizukage, Gengetsu Hozuki, and the Second Hokage, Tobirama Senju.
Mwahaha~
Mizukage, get down on your knees, I need a favor from you.
Imagining his wonderful future, Kei noticed the three little troublemakers giving him looks of reluctant disbelief—as if they no longer wanted to acknowledge him as their teacher—and he snapped impatiently.
"What are you spacing out for? Guy, quickly knead the dough that's already risen again—later I'll teach you a lost martial arts technique called [Eight Trigrams Palm], ever heard of it or not?"
"Genma, go get the steamer baskets, take out the dough pieces, roll the wrappers. Want to learn [Ninjutsu: Needle Hellstorm] and [Torpedo Needles]? Then stop spacing out and get moving!"
"Kurenai, come learn how to wrap steamed buns with Teacher? Do a good job wrapping them, and I'll teach you an original genjutsu technique later—[Shining Curse Card Experience Trial]!"
"Yamanaka Kei is despicable!" "I understand Yamanaka Kei." "I have become Yamanaka Kei!"
Motivated by the temptation of various jutsu techniques, the Three Little Troublemakers sprang into action with impressive speed and efficiency!
Kurenai Yuhi already had a solid foundation in cooking. After merely watching Kei demonstrate the technique twice, she quickly picked it up.
Once she got the hang of it, she could even wrap steamed buns while chatting casually.
"Teacher Kei," she asked curiously, "I heard you have an extremely powerful genjutsu that makes its victims scream in agony and collapse mentally—even summoned beasts suffer terribly under its effects. Is that actually true?"
The girl wore a hopeful expression on her face, clearly more interested in this than something like the unheard-of Shining Curse Card.
...Who told you about it?
Kei paused momentarily, asking with a strange look.
He'd created many genjutsu that drove victims to the brink of despair and tears, but only one inflicted unbearable suffering on both humans and summoned beasts—the Triple Delight Moment.
An advanced version of [Little Flying Stick], the Triple Delight Moment plunged the target into an illusion where they became the pursued 'Third Lady'.
If they couldn't catch her, they'd keep chasing endlessly. And when they finally did... let's just say Third Brother was feeling rather cheerful...
Back then, young and reckless, he had no restraint. As long as the effect was strong—mentally devastating enemies and shattering their psychological defenses—it was all that mattered. Other considerations simply weren't on his radar.
That wasn't the case anymore—he'd matured. Now, he had a reputation to uphold!
"I-I heard it from Master Jiraiya. D-Did I ask something wrong?"
Yuhi blinked with innocent eyes, timidly asking.
She'd learned from Master Jiraiya that this technique was actually only rank B, matching the level of techniques her teacher intended to teach her, so she hesitantly asked.
But judging by his expression, had she stumbled onto something taboo?
"That bastard Jiraiya!"
Kei gritted his teeth, muttering about how shameless Jiraiya had become lately!
Since Minato had become Jiraiya's student early on, Kei knew him pretty well too.
Once, for reasons now forgotten, Jiraiya wanted to experience one of his genjutsu techniques.
Coincidentally, Kei had just finished developing the technique and wanted to test it out.
So, Jiraiya and his summoned beast became the very first test subjects.
Dammit!
It was just an illusion—it didn't actually happen!
Did he really have to hold such a massive grudge over it for so long?
Going as far as approaching his disciple just to badmouth him behind his back?
Clap! Clap! Clap! – Clap! Clap!
"Hahahaha—I remember now! I remember now! You're talking about that jutsu that made Jiraiya and Mount Myoboku's frogs so terrified! Let me tell you, Kurenai—I'll tell you!" Tsunade slapped the table laughing uncontrollably.
Her massive chest definitely drew attention.
Remembering how Jiraiya trembled every time he saw Orochimaru for weeks after—and especially that green frog from Mount Myoboku who suddenly turned into a model citizen—Tsunade laughed until she nearly choked.
Kei frowned slightly, wanting to stop Tsunade from going further—but dreading what Jiraiya might reveal if he ever opened his mouth.
After all, even suggesting this genjutsu in front of his own apprentice—Jiraiya's reputation was already ruined.
The Three Little Troublemakers saw Tsunade laughing nonstop, then glanced at their teacher, who had turned away and was focusing intently on wrapping dumplings. They quickly realized this was something they were allowed to hear, so each one immediately perked up their ears.
It involved Jiraiya-senpai, one of the Sannin and their teacher's past experiences—
And it mentioned Mount Myoboku, one of the three great summoning beast sacred lands.
They wanted to hear it—loved the idea of hearing it! "Lady Tsunade, hurry up and tell us!"
Once Tsunade finally finished laughing, she calmed herself down and slowly began recounting what she had seen and heard back then.
Actually, the story wasn't complicated.
Back then, Jiraiya wanted a summoned beast to test out Kei Yamanaka's rather unique genjutsu first. So he summoned a green-skinned frog named Gamariki from Mount Myoboku.
Originally, Gamariki had been a clean-cut male frog. He looked somewhat handsome, and apparently many female frogs at Mount Myoboku had even pursued him.
As a summoned beast, Gamariki naturally believed that ordinary genjutsu couldn't affect him.
But after the genjutsu was cast, within less than three seconds, he instantly vanished in a puff of smoke and returned to Mount Myoboku.
When Jiraiya tried summoning him again to remove the illusion, Gamariki flatly refused.
Curious, the younger Jiraiya couldn't help asking Kei to let him experience the same technique.
Then…
Jiraiya used sheer willpower to forcibly break free from the genjutsu.
For over half a month afterward, whenever he saw Orochimaru, he'd start shivering uncontrollably; squatting even once would trigger explosive flatulence that scorched his pants yellow.
If it hadn't been for the Third Hokage stepping in because he couldn't stand watching anymore and arranging for someone to use genjutsu for psychological therapy, no one knew how much longer the situation would have lasted.
As for Gamariki…
When seen again a month later, he had become Gamari—with flaming red lips, a curvaceous figure, and a giant bow tied atop her head.
She had the exact same side effects as Jiraiya.
Every time she squatted, she'd fart—every single time! And mind you, she was a frog!
Tsunade clapped and laughed uncontrollably as she told the story.
Maito Gai glanced down at his spandex suit, visibly horrified, while Genma Shiranami grimaced in disgust and shuddered repeatedly.
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