Or mine. Unless you can rustle up Tsunade Senju – unlikely – and a Kaguya – despite the Land of Water being Fire's enemy even now – the odds of a successful genetic cross-comparison are negligible.
" The Kaguya should still be alive as a clan right now though, and Yagura wasn't even Mizukage yet for Tobi to mind-fuck into starting the bloodline purges. There was never a clear timeline on when all of that happened, alas.
Not that I had anything but the vaguest recollections anyway. "That's without the minefield of the third subject of that genetic test being one Uzumaki Naruto.
"
Shisui had been quiet for a while. Looking at him, I saw a look of raw surprise on his face – oh, he'd just tasted the steak.
I smirked as I partook of my own. With a fork because I'm an asshole like that, thank you very much.
For years now I'd been amazing these poor souls with my Irish traditional broiled steak with whiskey sauce. Never had a single failure.
Shisui controlled himself at my look and deployed that most ancient face-saving strategy known as changing the subject. "I don't suppose I need to ask how much you know about Orochimaru and related matters.
" Okay, the strategy of changing the subject but not really. "I admit, with the benefit of hindsight it's surprising you didn't bring him up in your presentation.
Even in the thesis proper, you made no mention of him after the Kyuubi incident. "
I grimaced. "Yeah, well… That's because Orochimaru had to have gotten his hundreds of test subjects from somewhere.
By the hundreds. In mere months at best, given the time frames involved.
There's a difference between 'everyone's guessed about the nin-who-must-not-be-named' and 'by process of elimination I now know exactly who in this here room has been kidnapping and doing unspeakable things to our children. "
Shisui paused mid-bite and lowered his chopsticks, giving me a look that was outright worried. Worried and taken aback, but I doubted he really hadn't known or deduced all this.
"Mister Masanari, that…"
"Has me surprised I still haven't suffered a tragic suicide, yes. " Half of everyone may know or suspect about everything happening, but the identity of the man behind it all? I was technically the only one who categorically knew.
That wasn't a ninja anyway. Also, for that number to even be possible, Danzo must have had free run of the orphanages – at least – which means Sarutobi had looked the other way.
His whole reign. Possibly still was.
But I wasn't going to tank my goodwill on that front. "Incidentally, when you're the head of the most secret of secret organisations but everyone from one coast to the other still knows you on sight as 'Shinobi no Yami', you are terrible at your job.
"
Shisui gaped.
That reminds me. I reached in my pocket for the little notebook – I had lots of them, even spread over my house for when I got brainwaves I needed to write down before I forgot, which was often – and made a note – in English – to include a list of species that shared genetics with humans.
Just in case Orochimaru felt like banging his head against the walls in the future that may or may not be. Frogs, toads, mice, rats…
Through it all, Shisui continued to stare at me in horror. Literal horror, I could actually read him this time.
Baby assassins should not be this cute.
Shisui flushed. Because I'd muttered that part aloud.
Just because.
"Mister Masanari, could you at least try not to be so careless with your life? For my sake, if nothing else? Please?"
"Says the kid who just leaked me the most sensitive actionable secret of the Village right now. " I watched the colour leaving the kid's cheeks as fast as it had come, until he was pinching his nose, eyes closed in clear upset.
"The chief-who-must-not-be-named will kill me if he finds out, I hope you know. Before or after he uses me as bait to draw you out.
"
Shisui put his chopsticks down and clenched his fist. "I was only speaking in hypotheticals.
" I truly apologise for that.
That's what I chose to take it as anyway. "Eat your food, I worked hard on it and you're still growing.
Actually here, have some seconds. " Spoon clank.
"I know you ninja burn through energy faster than Naruto eats through my goodwill. "
Shisui's expression soured, but he complied again because of course he did, he was a hypercompetent contract killer that only felt guilty when he didn't mean to kill you.
While Shisui finished eating, I went to my garage – yes, I had invented the garage before the car, because why the hell not? – and carefully carried my very fragile package from my cart to my dumbwaiter. It barely fit, but that was fine, making it as big as possible without having to carry it down the stairs was the entire point.
I spent the rest of the time preparing the rest of the food and cake for him to go. He tried to refuse, but didn't insist because manners.
Good boy.
He looked worried as he lingered in my dining room though. Worried and tense.
"Mister Masanari-"
"You can call me Hanzo if you like. " Don't see any point to wait until I bleed for you, but I didn't say that.
I was jaded, but not that unkind.
"Mister Hanzo then. " Shisui hesitated, visibly choosing his words.
"I… need to know exactly what you know about Orochimaru versus what everyone else might reasonably infer, absent of your personal experience. "
I smiled sadly down at the kid. As I would even when he finished his last growth spurt.
I felt for him, really, but I wasn't going to indulge his vain hope that the distinction would make a difference just to make him feel better about himself. "Orochimaru is a mean scapegoat, but the logistics don't make sense for a single person, no matter how powerful or sly.
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