Hey! Are you impressed?" Goddess Ashley twirled midair, arms stretched dramatically as she hovered over the thick, humid jungle. "This is my world! But don't start worshipping me yet. First—take me to a church. I want to meet my followers. Then we'll go see the king, and after that, I'll command the kingdom's army. You'll use your blessing to defeat the Demon King."
She landed gracefully, her long silver hair shimmering under the sunlight.
"Now," she declared with pride, "you may pray to me."
"…What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, my head still spinning. "Seriously. Where are we?"
Ashley looked around, blinking slowly. "Hmm… I chose the closest jungle to the kingdom. Should be about forty miles out."
"You teleported me to a monster-infested jungle without even asking?"
She nodded cheerfully. "Of course. Don't worry! There are only Gabranes here—they're weak low-level monsters. This is the perfect grinding spot. You need to level up. I can't have my vessel being this… squishy."
I rubbed my temples. "Vessel? Again with that?"
"Yes, my vessel. The divine container of my holy blessing." She gave me a thumbs-up. "You."
"Do I look like a bottle of holy water to you?"
Ashley ignored me. "Now go. Hunt Gabranes. Gain XP. Get stronger. Destiny awaits!"
I looked down at my empty hands. "You want me to fight monsters with what exactly? My sarcasm?"
"You'll figure it out," she said with a smile that screamed divine laziness.
"Also," I added dryly, "remember that magic I asked you to use to enhance your chest? You didn't even try. And now I'm starving."
Her eyes flared with divine light. "How dare you speak to me like that? Don't you fear heavenly punishment?"
I raised a brow. "What did you just call me again?"
"Vessel," she said sternly.
"My name is Alex! A-L-E-X! Not Vessel. If you're so full of blessings, why not find a mosquito or a tree stump to bless for your Demon King expedition? Me? I need food. And rest. I'm still recovering from your wild teleportation. I'm going to find a river, maybe a crocodile to roast. Don't follow me."
She floated after me anyway.
I stopped. "Listen, this is demon territory. And you're flying around like a sparkly billboard, glowing, shouting divine nonsense, and acting like you're what's the term? puping guavas."
"I am a goddess! I don't walk," she declared.
"Well, now you do," I said. "Start walking. No flying. No glowing. Just shut up and survive."
"I'll punish you for this, mortal! You should be kneeling, not barking orders!"
"Then punish me after dinner. Right now, just be a proper guide."
We wandered for two whole days. The sun was cruel. The insects were louder than Ashley's ego. She kept whining about her feet.
"I'm not designed for terrain!" she said for the thirtieth time. "Goddesses don't walk this much!"
"And I don't care," I answered, again.
We were now 48 miles from the kingdom, heading deeper into the forest. Finally, I heard the gentle rush of water. A river.
Not just any river. It was crawling with low-tier water monsters and a familiar sight that brought tears of joy to my stomach: a crocodile. Fat. Lazy. Perfect for grilling.
I got to work setting up camp. I stripped down to my underwear my only dry pair and began prepping a snare trap with some vines.
Ashley's jaw dropped. Her face turned bright red.
"Wh-What are you doing?! Why are you undressing?!" she shouted, covering her eyes with her hands though her fingers were definitely not closed.
I looked at her, straight-faced. "Did you at least do the magic I asked for?"
"No!" she blurted, embarrassed. "W-What does that have to do with you taking off your your everything?!"
"I'm hunting crocodile. Wet clothes drag me down. I'm not planning to die because you forgot I don't have divine resistance to soggy pants."
I checked the riverbank. Crocodile tracks. We were close.
"You stay here," I said. "Go gather firewood."
"Gather firewood?! Me?! I'm a celestial deity! Not a camp maid!"
"You're also barefoot, glowing, and complaining non-stop. So maybe some firewood will humble you."
Ashley looked outraged. "You are unbelievably stupid, human!"
"I'm Alex," I corrected. "And I'm unbelievably hungry."