Chapter 2: The Art of the Accidental Impalement
[Adam Yukimura POV]
The forest eventually spat me out onto a rough, unpaved road. The metallic tang I'd smelled earlier was stronger now, mixed with something else – a faint, almost imperceptible hint of blood. Not exactly reassuring, but definitely more interesting than battling overgrown ferrets.
"Finally, civilization!" I declared to the empty road, striking a heroic pose that probably looked more like I was trying to ward off an invisible swarm of bees. "Or, at least, the promise of civilization. And by 'civilization,' I mean 'people who can potentially kill me in a new and exciting way.'"
I started walking, keeping an eye out for anything that looked remotely like a village. The sun was now a distant memory, replaced by a sliver of moon that cast ghostly shadows. The wind whispered through the trees, carrying with it the distant sound of… shouting? And something that sounded suspiciously like clanging metal.
"Oh, goodie. A fight. Just what I needed. Nothing says 'welcome to the neighborhood' like a good old-fashioned brawl. Hopefully, it's not just two guys arguing over who gets the last potato chip. Because frankly, that's not going to get me any cool skills."
I quickened my pace, my basic animal instincts perk subtly nudging me towards the commotion. It was like having a tiny, insistent voice in the back of my head whispering, "Danger this way! And possibly, loot!"
The sounds grew louder, becoming clearer. Swords clanging, the hiss of shuriken, and angry shouts. Definitely not a potato chip dispute. This sounded like actual, honest-to-goodness combat. Which meant… ninja. High-level ninja, hopefully. The kind that could bestow upon me a genuinely useful ability, not just the power to out-sprint a particularly grumpy badger.
I emerged from the treeline into a clearing, and the sight before me was… well, it was exactly what I had hoped for, and simultaneously, deeply unsettling. Two groups of people were locked in combat. On one side, a handful of figures in dark, almost identical uniforms, with strange, swirling patterns on their sleeves. On the other, a smaller group, one of whom was a kid with spiky blond hair and an orange jumpsuit.
"No way," I breathed, my eyes widening. "Is that… Naruto? The Naruto? As in, 'Believe it!' Naruto? And is that… a mist ninja? Zabuza? Okay, this just got real. And significantly more dangerous. But also, significantly more lucrative."
My internal monologue was abruptly interrupted by a shuriken whistling past my ear, embedding itself with a sickening thud into the tree trunk right next to my head. I yelped, instinctively ducking behind the nearest bush.
"Okay, maybe a little too real, a little too soon! I'm not ready for 'unintentional collateral damage' yet! I need to strategically die, not just randomly get shanked by a stray throwing star!"
I peered through the leaves. The fight was intense. Zabuza, looking every bit the menacing "Demon of the Hidden Mist" from the anime, was locked in a brutal exchange with Kakashi Hatake, the perpetually masked "Copy Ninja." Naruto and Sasuke were trying, bless their hearts, to keep up, while Sakura… well, Sakura was mostly screaming and trying not to die. Standard Team 7 stuff, really.
"Alright, Adam, think. How do you get yourself killed by a high-level ninja without them noticing you're doing it on purpose? You can't just run up and scream, 'Please stab me with your cool sword!' They'd probably just look at you like you're an idiot, then tie you to a tree."
No, I needed to be subtle. I needed to be… an unfortunate bystander. A hero in the making, who just happens to get in the way. A tragic casualty of war. Or, more accurately, a tragic casualty who then gets back up and complains about the quality of the 'death experience.'
My gaze landed on the bridge they were fighting on. The Great Naruto Bridge, if my memory served. The perfect bottleneck. The perfect place for… a dramatic entrance.
"Okay, new plan: I'm going to run out there, pretend to be a terrified civilian, and then, at the opportune moment, 'trip' into the path of a powerful attack. Simple, effective, and hopefully, I don't actually just get dismembered and not revive. Because that would really put a damper on my immortality plans."
Taking a deep breath, I burst from the bushes, yelling at the top of my lungs. "Help! Oh, dear god, help! What in the sweet name of oversized throwing knives is going on here?!"
Everyone paused, their heads swiveling towards me. Even Zabuza, mid-swing with his giant sword, seemed momentarily distracted. It was glorious. And terrifying.
"Look at him! He's just a civilian!" Sakura shrieked, pointing at me. "Get out of here, you'll get yourself killed!"
"Too late, honey! That's kind of the point!" I wanted to yell back, but decided against it. Maintaining the terrified civilian facade was key.
Kakashi, ever the professional, shouted, "Stay back! It's too dangerous!"
"Oh, really, Captain Obvious? You think?!" I thought, rolling my eyes internally.
I started stumbling, feigning abject terror, towards the heart of the battle. Zabuza, regaining his focus, snarled and lunged at Kakashi, his massive sword arcing through the air. This was my chance.
With a dramatic, Oscar-worthy gasp, I "tripped" directly into the path of Zabuza's downswing. It was a glorious piece of physical comedy, probably deserving of a standing ovation. The last thing I saw was the glint of steel, then… darkness.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: ZABUZA MOMOCHI (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC SILENT KILLING TECHNIQUE (Active) - A slight reduction in the sound of your movements when attempting stealth. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (ZABUZA MOMOCHI): 0 ]
"Seriously? Basic Silent Killing? After getting bisected by a giant cleaver? I was hoping for, like, Water Style: Great Waterfall Jutsu, or at least a really cool mist illusion! This system has a very strange sense of humor."
I "woke up" a few yards away from where I'd been bisected, lying facedown in a puddle. The fight was still raging, but everyone was giving the area around my "corpse" a wide berth. Good. They'd think I was just another unfortunate casualty. No one would suspect I was merely taking a strategic power nap.
I pushed myself up, wiping mud from my face. My clothes, somehow, were perfectly clean again. Immortality was neat, but also, apparently, a damn good dry cleaner.
"Right then. Basic Silent Killing. Great. Now I can sneak into the fridge at 3 AM without waking my imaginary roommates. This is definitely going to win me Tsunade's heart. Nothing says 'romantic' like a ninja who can silently raid the snack cabinet."
I decided to observe the rest of the fight from a safe distance. No need to push my luck with Zabuza. One death per person, remember? And I had a lot more powerful people to "collect" from. I needed to be patient. Strategic. And utterly shameless.
The fight eventually concluded, with Zabuza and Haku's demise. Naruto, as expected, delivered a tearful speech that would make even the most hardened cynic shed a single, manly tear. Or, in my case, internally roll my eyes while planning my next strategic death.
As Team 7 prepared to leave, I considered my next move. I was in the Land of Waves, a relatively backwater country. Not exactly a hotbed of high-value skill farming. I needed to get to Konoha. That's where the real power players were. That's where the Chunin Exams would happen. And that's where a certain blonde, busty Sannin would eventually reside.
"Konoha it is," I muttered, starting to walk in the general direction of what I hoped was the Hidden Leaf Village. "Time to start building up my Ryo. A million Ryo is no joke. I'll probably have to become the world's most successful con artist, or maybe invent a new form of illegal gambling. Immortality doesn't pay for itself, you know."
My mind raced. How would I get money? What skills did I have that could be monetized? Basic Animal Instincts? "Step right up, folks, and watch me detect that squirrel contemplating grand larceny!" Not exactly a crowd-puller. Basic Charge? Maybe I could become a human battering ram. Or a very fast delivery boy.
"No, I need something more… dramatic. Something that screams 'I'm a genius who's slightly unhinged, and I will take all your money.'"
An idea sparked in my mind, a mischievous glint entering my eyes. The Naruto world had gambling, didn't it? And I had knowledge of the future. The ultimate cheat code.
"Oh, this is going to be good," I chuckled, a dark, calculating glint in my eyes. "The casinos of the Elemental Nations aren't going to know what hit them. Or, more accurately, who. Because I'm going to be so rich, they'll name a ramen topping after me."
And with that, Adam Yukimura, the man who treated death like a minor inconvenience, set his sights on Konoha, Ryo, and a future filled with strategic deaths, absurd pranks, and one very annoyed Hokage.