System Update Log — Bureau of Reincarnation
Version: 2.3 Crunch EditionRelease Date: Yesterday (Oops)Patch Notes:
Fixed: Soul vending machines no longer eject burritos at unauthorized targets. (Partial)
Improved: Karma thread stability when encountering "Snack God" class souls.
Added: New "Snack Cult Containment Protocol" : includes glitter-proof signage and emotional support cookies.
Tweaked: Soul coin acceptance parameters to reject expired coupons and other heretical currencies.
Removed: Unauthorized "Auto Blessing Nozzles" installed by Snicker Dude.
Known Issues: Some adventurers report craving potato chips during soul processing. Bureau staff advised to carry snacks.
Developer's Note: If you see glitter, please ignore. It's probably Mimi.
Staff Feedback:
Madame Macaron:"I'm still finding potato chip crumbs in my desk drawers. Why? WHY?"
Ginger Snap:"Patch applied. Still screaming. The vending machine saga continues."
Snicker Dude:"I call dibs on snack dispenser for my next reincarnation."
Éclair:"This department needs a vacation. Preferably on a beach without snacks."
Warning:
Any further vending machine soul requests will be rerouted to the "Snackless Void."
Attempts to bypass will result in immediate "Snack Smite Protocol" activation.
The Bureau sighed, glitter still floating in the air like a bad decision no one could quite clean up.
Riku glanced at the patch notes on his tablet. "Guess we're really living in a world where vending machines can be gods."
Karma-1 honked in agreement.