"You don't need to know," Nathan said.
"You can't be serious about that plain girl, right?"
"Of course not."
"Then I don't get you… if you are trying to test Emily's love for you? To make her jealous, she is already at her breaking point. She just called me, you know? She wanted to ask about the research you've been doing and the team you are building. She seemed interested in joining."
"The team will be formed with whoever wins the contest," he said. Which contest?
"Well, she is the best of the best, of course she and her team will win, isn't it obvious that you are making all this show for her?"
I was so confused. There was no answer on the other end. Then I heard him standing up, I almost run to the bathroom.
Then I stayed there for a few minutes thinking. Why this things always happen to me? This is so tiring. I want to leave this shadow, I want to step away from all this. Should I change schools? Should I move out?
Maybe I can find a job and save for now. I can skip this semester and wait for next year. If he exposes my video, then… I can leave the town, the city. I don't care. I will hide somewhere. I will leave.
When I exit the bathroom, he was waiting outside.
"What took you so long?
I didn't answer. My head hurt and my heart was unstable. Maybe I became attached to the man who stole my first time. Then he gave me a little of attention to this lonely spirit and he desired me again. But he had an objective for doing this, I shouldn't confuse this feelings.
"I…" I didn't look at him, I didn't want him to know about my strange emotions. "I want to leave."
"Come, the food is getting cold," he ignored me and grabbed my hand. But this time I unhooked his hand forcibly.
"This is not right," I said, "I will let you fuck me till you are bored of me… yes, that's what you wanted, right? If I let you do me, then you will let me go, b-but that's all. We are not anything else. Don't come near me. Don't act as if we were anything else."
I didn't look at his eyes, and after a minute without saying a word, I lift my eyes. He didn't look angry, more likely he didn't have an expression. It was confussing.
"Thank you for the help in math, but I didn't ask you for it. Thus I am not indebted to you for that. I won't take the notes and exercises. And… I should go to the school bus or I will be late."
I walked to his office and started packing my stuff quickly. My stomach was growling so I unwrapped a couple of cookies from the pack I always carry around and ate them. However, just before I was about to leave, he closed the door and didn't move from there.
"Are you serious?" he said and his expression turned cold.
I frowned and unconsciously stepped back. "Y-yes. Please let me go."
"Ha…I knew that you were seriously stupid but not this much," he said while sighing and crossing his arms.
I wanted to slap him but I didn't have the courage. I felt bitter and humiliated by that comment. I always hated it when someone tells me my defects. Ugly, plain, stupid, weak, boring, thin-skinned, undeserving, lacking… whatever.
"You are threatening me," I said trying to calm my mind, "I don't want any sort of contact with you… other than that…"
"Are you saying that you will be my booty call? Whenever and wherever I call you, you will run to my side prepared to open your legs?"
I clenched my teeth. I was so humiliated. "Those photos leave me no option but to do that."
"You want this too," he said with a smirk. "That day you enjoyed it and today too."
"It doesn't matter, you don't like me, right? You want someone to pass the time while you are here and…" to make Emily jealous. Why would he do that? To get revenge on her because she rejected him in high school? He is using me to make her suffer a bit, then what? What will happen to me. There was a deep pain in my chest, pressing me.
"Just… please let me leave."
Then he smirked. "No, I will take you back to your house later, you have a big exam in a few days and you are not smart enough…"
"I want to go home," I insisted.
"I will let you go when you finish at least the first three pages on those papers."
He signaled the neat package on top of his desk.
"I will pass the exam on my own, I don't need your stuff, and this is not your business. Why do you care?"
"You will pass, that is true, but you have to nail it, get it?" He disregarded my question.
I frowned.
"Eat something and study, if not, I will fuck you till your legs can't stand up tomorrow. You said it yourself, whenever, wherever."
His eyes told me that he meant his words, and, at the same time, he didn't. What is going on? I didn't understand.
Should I just go with the flow? Maybe I can use him too, if I am going to be his plaything, and I don't have a choice, perhaps I can take advantage of this situation.
I am already deep bottom on the emotional ride, I can't get any worse. Or maybe yes… Well I can discover the end of the tunnel bit by bit and end it all when I can't see the light anymore.
If he hurts me… I don't know if I will have the courage to deal with the pain and start again, but now, let's take one step at a time.